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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

...but would you be annoyed..

20 replies

StarSparkle · 23/07/2008 17:23

If DP has been out helping his parent all day and when you phoned him to see whats happening as you expected back by now and on the phone he said:

' Well... i didn't know i was going to be so long, but must come back soon as haven't eaten well today!' The only time today that he has talked to me

Being the one who cooks all the meals (in 8 years he hasn't cooked one).

I have been up since 7am...doing all the housework, I have been out with DD today, been to the doctors, sorting out the bills and shopping and am currently house sitting for parents twice a day, looking their animals, pond, wtaering the garden, sorting out my dads emails/post ect for his home run biz. I don't drive so walking with DD also takes time.

It just makes me feel like a doormat as DP just see's me as someone to cook/clean/pick up after him! If i don't he gets all rude towards me.

I just feel that i have no grounds to stand on as I donr provide any money as SAHM. I have a degree so It makes me feel that i have wasted it sometimes as i love being a SAHM ! I'll stop feeling sorry for myself now !¬

OP posts:

Carmenere · 23/07/2008 17:28

You are tired (understandably) and he is insensitive and in a roundabout way he was saying that he likes your cooking. that said i think you need to order a takeaway tonight.

FranSanDisco · 23/07/2008 17:32

Ring him and suggest he gets himself a take away as you've been busy. If he doesn't treat you as an equal that's because you don't see yourself as one and allow him to treat you that way. Your contribution doesn't have to be financial to make you an equal in this relationship. Perhaps you need to asset yourself

FranSanDisco · 23/07/2008 17:33

assert

Mimsy2000 · 23/07/2008 17:34

agree with carmenere. he's being an insensitive git but there is a strange complement inside his remark too.

Niecie · 23/07/2008 17:35

No I don't think I would be annoyed but then I didn't hear his tone so that may make a difference.

If I was going to be annoyed it would be because he hadn't phone rather than because he was saying (it seems to me) that he is hungry and wants his tea.

I agree - get a take away tonight.

How do you mean he would be rude to you though?

VictorianSqualor · 23/07/2008 17:40

I wouldn't be pissed off either tbh, but I didn't hear the way he said it.

I don't think you need to contribute financially to have worth, you do contribute in that you save the money that would have to be paid out for childcare and cleaning etc.

Original poster

StarSparkle · 23/07/2008 18:01

Okay..thanks for your comments,.

Let me tell you a few things.

I have put over 5 grand of my own savings when the budget didn't balanced. (savings all now gone)

I worked untill 8 mths pregnant in a care work enviroment.

My DP has tried in every relationship i have had to destroy it. Twin sister, best mate of 25 yrs (im 28), all my mates before i was with him, he slates his own mum and dad constantly and everytime i say im going to see them, he says i'm not allowed to go - then slates his mum al the time saying that i am shit because i do this and that like his mum.

If it wasnt for DD i would end it

OP posts:

VictorianSqualor · 23/07/2008 18:05

It's not about that comment then is it?
If you don't want to be with him, leave.
You're really not doing DD any favours staying TBH.

Niecie · 23/07/2008 18:10

Well he does sound manipulative and abusive based on what you just said but your original OP didn't sound that bad. What you have just said does explain why it has annoyed you so much.

Fwiw I don't think that anybody should stay somebody for the sake of the children, especially when their DP is treating them so badly. It isn't good for the children to have to live in that atmosphere or to hear their mother being treated so badly.

If he is passed talking to about his treatment of you then I think you need to think about whether you are going to stay with him.

noonki · 23/07/2008 18:22

I think you must think about leaving him,

why put yourself and your DD through anymore abusive behaviour

I know it can seem impossible to leave but the longterm benefits for you both are immense.

poor you (()))

Elasticwoman · 23/07/2008 18:38

Or you could tell him you are unhappy and go to Relate.

Original poster

StarSparkle · 23/07/2008 23:11

I have finally left him ! Yay ! We had a row tonight and he told me to take dd and go....for the first time in 8 yrs

i went with it and left...to my parents house which i have been house sitting twice a day

...kinda over shadowed by the fact that parents cat with heart problem just had to be taken to emergancy vets...miles away, i...luckly for me i have a brill twin sis who knows my money probs and went with me, dd and ill cat !

Very scary, hard times ahead !

OP posts:

madamez · 23/07/2008 23:14

Starsparkle, well done love! WELL DONE! I was on your other thread about your fuckwit DP and hoping you would be able to see your way to leaving him: you have done the best possible thing for you and DD. THings can only get better from now on.

nametaken · 23/07/2008 23:17

OMG!!!! You are brave I must say. Maybe it's for the best if you split and make a life for yourself. Only you can decide.

I bet he's gobsmacked that you've actually gone. What a twunt!!!!

slim22 · 23/07/2008 23:21

good luck! take care.

Original poster

StarSparkle · 23/07/2008 23:26

I just got fed up with all the put downs !

The arugment we had started when i said that i was going with twin sis's DP to his hospital appointment - which he is having to see if he has a a camera up his bum to see what is causing his bleeding, weight loss, pains ect. He is basically finding out if he has a life threating illness.

My sis can't go as she is a free lancer...; her DP family live over 200 miles away and he has only just built bridges with them.

I said i could be there for it ...DP says no... I had enough and thought this is my life not your we all only live once .

OP posts:

toomuchmonthatendofthemoney · 23/07/2008 23:35

well done girl! i hope things go well for you and dd now. I hope he realises that you are not going to be a doormat now. keep us posted on things go.

Niecie · 24/07/2008 00:01

Wow, well done StarSparkle!

Who would have thought that was how this thread was going to end up after reading the OP!

You have done the right thing though, given the abuse you have had to put up with. As the DD of somebody who is verbally abusive your DD is better off out of it too.

Good luck with getting your life back. It will be hard but you will be better off in the long run, I'm sure of it.

noonki · 24/07/2008 20:24

Wow what an amazing thread,
well done starsparkle that is amazing,

you are so brave, hope it all turns out well,

life is far too short to spend with tosspots... my mate left an abusive relationship about 2 years ago and is now blooming, and so is her DS,

Good luck !!!

ladymariner · 24/07/2008 23:22

Yeah, well done starsparkle, I posted on your other thread as wasn't impressed with your dp.
Wishing you lots of luck and happiness
xx

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