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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To get rid of china that was my parent's wedding presents

45 replies

Cicatrice · 22/07/2008 19:50

My dad is going into a care and I have to clear the house. He is fairly senile and my mother has been dead for many years.

There are, amongst many other things 6 tea sets that were given to them as wedding presents. One of them is nice and I will keep that one (I can get my in laws to store it) but the others are not the kind of thing I like, not something I would use, and I don't have storage space.

And it was never used at home, so there is no sentimental attachment to any of them.

My aunt is outraged that I want to get rid of them. Actually she seems to want me to keep the whole house, including the carpets.

I just can't see why I should keep 6. I won't use one. I know its not really about crockery but I'm losing my perspective. Am I being spoilt?

OP posts:

LittleBella · 22/07/2008 20:19

Do you have any other cousins or relatives who might also welcome a china tea-set?

You could also ask old people's homes/ some kind of old person's charity / women's refuge if they would like the tea sets.

There is a charity called Contact the Elderly which takes elderly people out for tea, if you have a group in your area, you could offer them the tea-sets?

If you explain to your aunt that you want the tea-sets to make other people's lives better rather than simply storing it in your loft or damaging it, she might be more reconciled to the idea of giving it away.

unknownrebelbang · 22/07/2008 20:25

No Clayhead, there's a lot of goldleaf on this set.

You could shelter in the museum these days AND watch the films there. Cannon's completely demolished now.

unknownrebelbang · 22/07/2008 20:25

You're right slalomsuki, I should raise it.

Original poster

Cicatrice · 22/07/2008 20:30

I'm an only child and my cousins are quite a bit older than me, none of them are short of a teaset.

My other aunt (my mum's sister) is the only one who would have sentimental attachment to something being my mum's but doesn't want one. When I spoke to her about it she wanted to know if I wanted any of hers!

But she is open to reason about keeping one and giving away/selling the others.

OP posts:

bossybritches · 22/07/2008 20:31

Why not try someone like this to get rid of it for you?it might not be valuable to you but if it's the set someone needs replacments for it could be just the thing!

My wedding service is no longer in production so I used them to find me a few spares.

Horrible job for you- do whatever is easiest regardless of Auntie

Original poster

Cicatrice · 22/07/2008 20:31

Little Bella

I like the Contact the Elderly idea

OP posts:

EachPeachPearMum · 22/07/2008 21:16

OMG clayhead - my MIL has the black set with greek key design!! It was her parents' -How spooky!

Cicatrice- I would do a quick google/ebay search on the makes and designs before giving it away- it may be worth something, and might buy a nice day out for your father, or similar experience?

Original poster

Cicatrice · 22/07/2008 21:23

DH has been on ebay and various china websites (he is developing opionions on crockery at an alarming rate) so it looks like they will raise a couple of hundred pounds if we go down that route.

I blame the Antiques Roadshow quite a lot for my aunt's attitude. She is convinced that anything that hasn't just come from IKEA is worth a fortune.

OP posts:

pointydog · 22/07/2008 21:24

No yanbu. Unless you want to either use it daily or display it in a cabinet, it's of no use. Those who feel strongly about it should take it.

TwoFir · 23/07/2008 10:22

My uncle is the same, I too am an only child and when my mother died unexpectedly I had a house full of stuff. He was very upset that I didnt keep everything, even though he understood, and it was partly because of the shock and letting go, and partly because he is worried that I wont keep his. He has 77 years worth of hoarded stuff. I have reassured him as best I can but really you cant physically keep everything.

wingandprayer · 23/07/2008 10:31

No, YANBU. How about if you sold them via Ebay or local papers and used the money either to buy your dad something that he would get some use of while in care, a few extra comforts, or donate the money to an appropriate charity. Surely your Aunt can't have a go at that?

If not saleable that some of the charities above sound fantastic. I will be looking into them myself for some of my nan's stuff now she's in the same position and my Mum's torn about what to do with it.

rebelmum1 · 23/07/2008 10:40

I'll have them I love tea sets.

I too am considering selling a family heirloom that has been in my family for years because I just don't have the space for it. I don't want to at all but am stuck as to what else I can do.

Can you just give them all to your aunt?

solo · 23/07/2008 10:46

I'm terribly sentimental about 'things', so I dread entering this part of my life...sorting my parents things. hope it'll be another 25 years away.

3littlefrogs · 23/07/2008 10:48

Please please check the age and the make! I have a friend whose family gave away antiques worth £12000 because they didn't realise the value.

WilfSell · 23/07/2008 10:59

Your aunt is expressing her grief through the 'stuff', imagining that the stuff is the people. She knows deep down that they are not, but it's really hard when people die or need rehousing... 6 tea sets are difficult to accommodate, as is all the other stuff. Offer it to her or ask if she can think of other members of the family; make sure she has been given the opportunity to take some other things she might like (I'm sure you have already); tell her you will make sure it goes to a good home.

But you must dispose of things: keep some sentimental or useful stuff but you are completely justified in moving on with the rest. You already know this but she doesn't: she will get over it eventually.

You are doing the right thing.

rebelmum1 · 23/07/2008 10:59

yes the dinnerset I inherited is worth over a grand easy.

rebelmum1 · 23/07/2008 11:02

My nanas stuff was sold off by my aunt and I wasn't offered anything we were really close so I would at least ask around the family. She sold some stuff at a car boot which I thought was really horrid, definitely offer to family first or get valued.

Original poster

Cicatrice · 23/07/2008 19:16

I have asked round the family but no one wants anything. Most of this stuff has sat in a cupboard for forty years, and means as little to my relations as it does to me.

Although my aunt is not impressed that I am not keeping it all, I can guarantee that she wouldn't be able to pick any of the tea sets out of a line up.

I'm hoping that once my dad is settled in a care home, she will settle down a bit as well.

OP posts:

zazen · 23/07/2008 19:20

Sometimes it's nice to photograph all the things and circulate a letter to everyone - ther might be a cousin or niece whi moght like some of the things - otherwise Charity shop it all!

It's understandable to want to create a shrine to the person who is ill or deceased, but it's just denial, and hopefully his sister? will come around to the idea, and also the idea she is mortal also.

zazen · 23/07/2008 19:20

sorry "who might"

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