about this?

[slowlygoingcrazy]

so sister who is ten years younger getting married in Sept, her hen night this sat.

She's going into the nearest City, visting a spa, having a posh expensive meal and then onto some swanky bars before getting taxi home, she plans about 5 am.

So, all these girls who are going are ten years younger than me, single, no kids whereas I am married 3 little kids, shattered, have very little spare cash etc etc.

I have said to sister I'll go to the spa in the afternoon, go for the meal and stay for a drink after but then I'm going home as I don't want to be out all night and have to pay to get into some swanky club, taxi 25 miles home, drinks all night. I never stay til out the small hours unless with DH, we just don't do it.

Plus all the expense that is going with the wedding. My hair, makeup, nails, dress, shoes, 3 kids clothes, hair cuts, wedding present, special present for sis, have 2 DC's birthdays this month. I really can't afford it.

I did say this to her in the beginning and said if it was far away or too expensive I wouldn't be staying all night but she went ahead and booked anyway without asking me anything.

Anyway, she is very angry with me now for not going, and I do feel bad. AIBU?

lolol at her thinking anyone would go out clubbing the night after giving birth!

YANBU my sister,also 10 years younger, has just given me the details for her hen weekend-its in 2 weeks, 350 miles away! (in a random city, not where she lives!)I looked into flights and trains but that alone is £150 plus £100 for hotel then dinners, drinks, clubs and beauty treatments on top. I wouldnt know anyone but my sis and would have to arrive late on the friday due to work and travelling. Luckily she has been quite understanding about me not going but I can sympathise with you.

Do you know I don't have a sister so I can say this quite easily. I don't go to something any more unless a) I can afford to go without it impacting on what else I'm going to do that month and b) I'm going to enjoy it.

She is your sister so yes you and all your family go to the wedding.

But when did blinkin hen dos become obligitary ? I hate staying out late with a vengence, I like to be in bed by midnight and invariably in these group situations you end up forking out a lot of money for kitties and people drinking champagne cocktails. YANBU if it were me I'd turn up either for the meal, or for the spa. You have 3 kids therefore to make the effort to get there in any capacity at all should be more than enough for her, particularly if you have had to organise child care if your DH isn't around.

But then I'm just a kill joy

I agree with what is said before on this thread - if you don't have kids you still belong to the world where if you don't go to something because of children related issues (money/childcare/needing to sleep cos you can't lie in till midday) you are BU. They will see it as a cop out and that you are making excuses. You will not be able to convince them otherwise so no point in trying.

YADefinitelyNBU.

I think it depends on your relationship with your sister. If it was my sister then I would do it, because it's her wedding and well I don't go out very often and would probably enjoy it. BUT by the sounds of your relationship with your sister then YANBU, she is asking to much of you and you should stand up to her.

YANBU. I was your little sister (not quite as bad I hope) but definitely didn't have any understanding for my big sister and child related limitiations. Now I have kids I cringe to remember how unreasonable I was. Your sister will understand one day but probably not til she's got her own kids so not in time for the hen night. I hope you'll be as big about it as my sister is - she's just glad we're on more or less the same wavelength

YANBU. Hen nights and weddings, in my opinion, are way over the top these days. You are doing what you can afford to - financially and physically. Your sister IBU to want more. Stick to your guns on this one, and then remind her of it in the years to come when she is asked to do the same thing when she has kids of her own.