Good afternoon, you are throught to Up It's Own Bum Comapany Ltd Plc Inc Jacksis and A.Holes, you're speaking to Falangi Pigsbottom, it's currently 23 degrees, 3.57pm on a Tuesday and aI had eggs for breakfast, my husnand is shagging Brown Owl and I ...

[Thomcat]

Give me "Yea, hello, what" any day

pmsl.

lol, who did you ring then? (pardon the pun)

Try phoning Game.

They give you their special offer, inside leg measurement, favourite flavour of blancmange, and the exact time of their last bowel movement - with a link to a photo on their website.

You lose the will to live before you get chance to speak.

Is it like the vocal equivalent of tickers?!

And I bet you only wanted to book a gym class, didn't you?