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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel slightly annoyed when people ask me if I have lost weight.?

26 replies

Squirdle · 19/07/2008 09:49

To be more precise my 'perfect' next door neighbour.

I am not overweight, I am a size 10/12. Yes I have wobbly bits, but overall I'm not too bothered by them.

My neighbour is a bit of a yummy mummy, well actually quite a lot of a yummy mummy, but I don't consider myself to be too terrible looking. She is always asking me if I have lost weight! NO!! I HAVEN'T!!

I always want to say 'Why, did you think I needed to?'

I dunno, maybe it is me being too touchy, but it does annoy me. I don't comment on anyones weight, unless a friend asks me if they have lost weight. I think it is rude.

She also has said before that she feels like I am like her older sister, I'm only 2 years older than her fgs and she certainly doesn't feel like a sister to me! We do get on ok, but we aren't close friends!

I am probably being unresonable, but hey

OP posts:
Mimsy2000 · 19/07/2008 09:52

maybe you are a tad touchy but i totally agree that weight issues are nobody's business and even if they say have you lost weight [as oppsed to gained weight] it still feels like a veiled criticism.

older sister? that's a bit rich. maybe she is a bit of a cow...

constancereader · 19/07/2008 09:53

It is annoying when people say this.

Sim43 · 19/07/2008 09:59

She is just jealous of you!

Original poster
Squirdle · 19/07/2008 10:00

Mmm Mimsy, funny you should say that...

She is the youngest girl of 3 and utterly spoilt. She gets what she wants, when she wants it and is always immaculatly turned out. I have to say, if she wasn't my neighbour, she wouldn't really be a friend, too fluffy for me.

I guess I do feel like it is a veiled criticism and thats why I get annoyed when she says it.

OP posts:
MummyDoIt · 19/07/2008 10:01

DH uses a taxi firm regularly and the drivers know him. One of them spent a whole journey interrogating him on his sudden and dramatic weight loss. Wanted to know how much he'd lost and how he'd done it. DH tried to fob him off politely but the drive was very, very persistent. In the end DH had to tell him the truth. He's got cancer. The driver was obviously mortified, DH felt guilty but, at the same time, the grilling about his weight had upset him. Moral of the story: never comment on anyone's weight loss unless you know for a fact they've been trying to lose weight.

Original poster
Squirdle · 19/07/2008 10:02

Ha ha, Sim, I wish

Maybe she doesn't like it if I have a 'looking quite good' day...which doesn't happen that often, but can happen (when I'm not rushing around like a lunatic etc)

OP posts:
Sim43 · 19/07/2008 10:03

Very, very good point mummydoit. Never thought about it like that.

Original poster
Squirdle · 19/07/2008 10:04

Exactly MummyDoIt, no-one knows if the reason could be medical or not. I just think it is rude!

OP posts:
whoops · 19/07/2008 10:05

yanbu
you look great she probably thinks that after you have been stood next to me and billy
maybe you should ask her if she has put on weight?!

Original poster
Squirdle · 19/07/2008 10:07

I just don't feel it neccessary to comment on peoples weight. They are who they are. I have never said to her that I was trying to lose weight (because I haven't) If I didn't know her as well as I did, I could get quite upset and sensitive about it. As it is, it just irritates...hopefully it showed yesterday

OP posts:
whoops · 19/07/2008 10:10

every time I see some people that knew I was dieting last year always tell me I Have kept the weight off well, I haven't as at least half has gone back on It is usually the first thing they say to me though and would be nicer if they said I was looking well or something

Original poster
Squirdle · 19/07/2008 10:10

Aww thankyou Whoops But you see, I don't see you and Billy as being big/small/medium sized, you are just you! And that is how I see everyone.

OP posts:
whoops · 19/07/2008 10:13

I know
I don't see size either just the person it's personality over anything else to me
How are you?
Fancy getting together sometime?

Original poster
Squirdle · 19/07/2008 10:13

That was the only time I would have commented to you as I knew were losing weight and trying very hard to. But really that's personal to you. It's like when a certain person kept saying last year that I looked terrible because I was so tired...er well I don't think I looked that bad!

OP posts:
Original poster
Squirdle · 19/07/2008 10:14

Yes, definately! When are you free? And yes personality is the most important thing for me too.

OP posts:
whoops · 19/07/2008 10:17

matbe that person was trying to make herself feel better
how about wednesday night? is you dh away do you know yet?

Original poster
Squirdle · 19/07/2008 10:26

I don't know yet, but I can try and make him be away I assume he is, normally is! He is doing kayak training all day (and tomorrow) with DS1 so I am with children...again! Ooh what are you up to next weekend? They are away then too...aikido this time

OP posts:
whoops · 19/07/2008 10:34

lol at making him be away! Shall I come over then?
Nothing planned for next weekend!
dh will be at cricket on sat pm leaving me with the kids to entertain again!

Original poster
Squirdle · 19/07/2008 10:54

Yes, come over. We can sort something out for next Sat pm too.

OP posts:
lalalonglegs · 19/07/2008 11:12

For a lot of women - especially the yummy variety - being thin is very, VERY important. She is probably trying to pay you a compliment without sounding too gushy about it. She probably thinks you would love to hear that you look slim and lovely (and at 10/12 you are slim and lovely). Again, the older sister thing is just another way of trying to make you feel special - perhaps her manner is really irritating, maybe you find her a bit coy but it sounds as if she is trying really hard to be your friend so I would say YABU.

FabioUnblogged · 19/07/2008 11:18

(smile)
"Why do you always ask me that?"

Dior · 19/07/2008 11:31

Message withdrawn

BouncingTurtle · 19/07/2008 11:32

I would only say that to people and I knew they were actively trying to lose weight - and they had! It is a very touchy subject.
She may have genuinely wanted to pay you a compliment, but I think it sounds as though she is one of those people who really cannot understand why such a remark can be taken the wrong way.
Or she is a patronising bitch

totalmisfit · 19/07/2008 11:37

some people genuinely mean this as a complement - mainly those who are obsessed with their own weight.

Figfingers · 19/07/2008 13:28

Agree with Lala

I am not a mum and certainly not yum but I do worry obssesively about my weight . I might be the type of person who who would say this as a compliment.

I know it is a bit daft but being slim is important to me