to think that dp is either completely destitiute and does not really own a house or go to work or that he has be the greediest man in the world and me and the dds would be much better off without him??!!!!

[micci25]

we are skint i know that but should that really stop us spending time togther as a family on his days off?

my dad is concerned that dp never takes us out anywhere and has offered to teach me to drive so that i can drive out with them on thier day trips (i cant fit into their car nither can dd2 as neice and my sister go with them with dd1). he wants to do this this year so that next summer i can go out with them. but also this year he wants to have a word with dp as he firmly believes that we should be spending time togther as a familly!! and i agree dp and i argue over this all the time. he says we cant afford it i say we can!!

dp is a bit scared of my dad so i can understand him being a bit upset that my dad wants 'a word with him' but hes not just upset he is absolutely livid!! because apparently we cant afford to take the dds anywhere!

so we cant afford to buy a loaf of bread and some cheese and walk to the local beach for a picnic? we cant afford to walk to the park so that he and dd1 can play football? we cant afford to pay £1 per adult and free for the dds to go the saturday morning matinee at the local cinema? we cant afford to walk to the bigger park to feed the ducks? we cant afford £1.80 per adult and free for the dds to go swimming for the day? i have given him all these options and his reply was "we have bills to pay incase you had forgotten"

yes we having fucking bills to pay we also have children who deserve to leave the fucking house! and has he sorted his shifts so that i can get a job! no of course he fucking well hasnt!!! that way i might have some control and confidence and might even leave the greedy controlling bastard!!!!!!!

oh can i also add he can afford to go over to the fricking club whenever he pleases and we always have lager in the fridge!! he cant go the night without at least one can, no that would be a disasater!!

AIBU to fucking hate this man right now? btw we cant afford the chicken dinner we were meant to be having for dinner either!!! the dcs can have egg and soldiers with angel delight and bananas and that fat bastard can starve for all i care!!!!!!!!!!

i don't understand how you think this relationship is benefiting your kids.

or you.

it isn't.

there's a thread in relationships right now where people are discussing what the final straw was before they left their 'partner' or husband. have a look for it.

He sounds like a lazy selfish git.

You are better off out of it hun, you need a real man.

thanks expat! have just looked at it! throwing the toy thing.....me and dp were once playing a game throwing a soft toy at each other. he must have decided that it wasnt a game anymore and threw it as hard as he could at my face! the soft toy didnt seem so soft then!!!!!!

the realsing you dont love them anymore...i came to that conlcusion shortly after dd2 was born and i realised he had little interest in parenting her or being part of a family with us!! and i definately cannot imagine still being with him in five years time!! infact everytime i think of my future he is not in it!

i really do think that it is time for this relationship to move on now!! you are right expat its not a partnership. its two people fighting against each other constantly and there are two beautifull little girls stuck in the middle of it who deserve better from their lives!!

i do have lot of support and i know that i can rely on family to help me through this. i also have a friend who is a single mum i know i can rely on!

i would never stop him seeing the dds but there are much better male role models in thier lives than dp!

He sounds an absolute turd. Throw him out of your house and ring the CSA immediately. Do not expect anything fom this man unless made to do it by the law.

hi i am the dp who once again gets a slagging off but i did not say we could not go to the park and i am not saying we cant go swimming. i am taking dd1 swimming on saturday but i cannot afford to be paying 70pound by train to get to sea life center in scarborough excluding admission food and any other little things that may crop up.
i have noticed all my so called failings but as i dont drive and am epileptic i am restricted as to where we can go and as i am trying to provide things i am now in debt by providing 800pound laptop for micci ds for dd1 400pound of clothes from next over the last year so i canx sky tv to cut a bill and micci went behind my back and reconnected it promising to pay the bill now i owe over £100 to them. do i feel hard done to when i get accused off not paying for anything or not trying your damned right i do

in reponse to hecate regarding the house then anything that happens with the house is going to have our best interests at heart. should anything happen to me the house will immediately go to my partner and the kids and although i have nothing legally stating this at the moment once house is finished and we are moved in as a LOVING family this will be put into place. imo quite a lot of my moods are caused by covering two properties bills off a very poor wage and i am trying to make ends meet thats all i canm say at the mo i am living off overdraft and this is not good for our relationship as i will admit i am constantly watching my bank bal to make sure i dont get od fees etc

not this shit again!

micci, you need to change your name and password otherwise, people are going to think you're a troll.

sorry, but they will.

If this is the bf - your gf is thinking of LEAVING YOU! If you care, instead of coming back with "yeahbut", read and understand her pov. "It's not my fault because...." is going to see you a single man and a weekend dad.

Don't come on here telling us how it's not your fault and you're a poor misunderstood man only trying to do the best for his family because frankly, we don't give a shit.

Your problem is not us and what we think (we forgot about you as soon as we clicked on another thread). Your problem is the fact that your gf is so pissed off with your, to quote you "so called failings" she wants to call time on your relationship. Accept that she sees things the way she does and either do something about it or not. It's your funeral.

Sadly this thread is another example of the hypocrasy of mumsnet on many levels. If its a troll, its a salutary one.

There are ALWAYS two sides to every story. The BF is entitled to his opinion on the situation not condemnation.

So many points I can only be bothered to address a few:

He is working! He is paying the bills! To be comended surely!! Yes they need to talk about a 'fun' fund or some such to get some sort of balance BUT

Why is the GF asking his permission to take her dcs out. If they don't live together surely she has her own benefits etc (as stated not working) and anyway whats stopping her taking her dcs to the park etc which costs nothing

Why is her father getting involved. If this was HIS parents 'having a word with her' about her parenting, the mn crew would be up in arms and telling them to BUTT OUT - hypocrasy

The point about the car seems ludicrous - whose car is she sposed to be using? Are her parents going to buy her a car and pay for upkeep? Why can't the parents take it in turns to take the kids and family out?

There's so much more I could say but perhaps to finish, perhaps we should be reigning in the unconditional condemnation of 'the bloke' in these situations and try and offer constructive advice.

Good troll imo

micci i am concerned re your benefits

if you are living together and more importantly, he is doing stuff like paying bills, food etc, and he is working, you would not normally get income support, as it is entirely determined by income.

It sounds like you ARE living together from your description of things, btw. sorry.

hope you both kept it sorted

(get, not kept)

If they are so broke, why are they even considering a hol at center parcs, renowned for being expensive even if you self cater? Will there be any point in going, as the OP has decided there's no future for hers and partners relationship? Partner obviously doesn't want to spend time as a family, otherwise he'd jump at even simple things like homemade picnic at park to save money. From what I've read it seems to me he doesn't want to spend time with partner as well as the kids. I think there's a lot of resentment between them. Very unreasonable to keep OP father waiting for materials to finish renovations, especially as he's probably doing it for next to nothing to provide a nice home for his grandchildren.

Separate. He moves out of OP home. Each take responsibility for own finances. Agree maintenance for the kids. Father to stop work on the house, DP makes his own renovation arrangements. See where you are in a few months time, and reconsider whether you want to be together. If so, work out proper finances between you, coverage for bill payments and a small slush fund for treats. If you live together this is essential. Don't even think of messing with the benefits agencies.

he is paying the bills??????????? lmao!!! thats so funny! he pays for food?????? thats even funnier!

his mum has a go at me all the time re dd1s eating i dont take it out on dp or go on a mood with him. he has sky put in my house as he got it on an offer from work and he didnt have a tv. i never went behind his back either to switch it back on. and the majority of things on the next bill were his. yes some of them were mine. but not all of them. and when he is eating for free at my house (he doesnt live here he has his own house but doesnt as yet have a kitchen, so he comes here after to work to be fed) and i am supporting his child with little help from him i dont think he can complain about me ordering a few tops with his permission!!!!!!

he can swap his disability tax credits for a car. no one would have to buy one, but as it happenns my dad did say he would help towards the costs of me buying my own yes!!

yes there are two sides to every story and his side, well what he told me last night, is that he didnt know i was just talking about the park when he sent the message re bills. he thought i wanted to pay for dd1 to go to the sealife center. i talked about taking them there next year when i was driving as i know we cant afford train fairs like that!

he also does not cover two properties bills on a low income. yes he he has a low income and i dont expect him to pay for my house but i dont like it when he trys to claim to people that i am living off him as im not nor have i ever have done. i pay my rent my ct my phone bill my gas and my electric and i provide the clothes and food for both dds.

to the kerb
Kick him
Wanker based on what you've said
I'd starve before my kids food suffered.
Selfish fuck

Oh ffs why don't you just tell him to fuck off then? Why are you putting the tosser before your own children?

It isn't like he has nowhere to go! You could have him out today, and start putting your children before him.

I cannot understand women who slag their partners off for doing things that so obviously have a negative impact on their children yet they continue to live like that!!

Just stop talking about it, and do it.

Micci, quite frankly grow up and start taking responsibility for yourself. You clearly do not see yourself in a adult relationship with this man (your house his house etc) and clearly have no concept of how to work together to manage your finances. Prime example the car - he doesn't live with you yet you want him to give up HIS tax credits to buy YOU a car HE can't drive. Who then pays for the upkeep??? Tax credits are MONEY...MONEY to pay bills.

Piffle - living up to your name I see!

well, to the DP.. micci is clearly not happy, you are clearly not happy

either sit down and work things out or go your seperate ways

at the end of the day there are two children here who deserve stability and happiness

you both sound angry and discontent, so instead of thrashing it out on MN, sit down and talk like adults

It's probably DLA mobility that pays for the car, not tax credits. Why should he give this up as the purpose is to provide transport for those with a serious health problem? Incidentally, the money he would save by not taking the car option would in no way compensate for receiving a new car every few years or so, taxed, etc.

pheebe we dont work together to manage finanaces as we dont live together. he has his own house and has made it more than clear to me on several occasions that it is his house! he does not nor has he ever supported me in anyway. he pays for holidays yes. he buys things i really need when he has to yes. but it gets thrown back in my face every time we have a problem and frankly i have had enough.

i do not want to be with this man anymore and the sooner he realises that the better. as soon as his water is turned back on i expect him to be no longer staying here.

he never spends anytime with us doing anything. the sealife center was never mentioned. i did say that i would like to take them out places next year. maybe he misunderstood i dont know? re the car it was originally his idea to get me a car as he is unable to drive. and that again was said as something i thought we should consider next year! when we are (or would have been) living together.

i get v little help or support from him. and pretty much as soon as he gets in from work he starts going through my computer and reading my private things. we have already had problems re him reading emails and text messages sent to me by my sisters. and now not only is he reading through my things he is using my usernames to post under. and quite franlky if you knew him you would be just as asmused as i am at the insuiation that he supports me!!!!!

when he realised that i was annoyed with him, he should have sat down and talked to me about it! instead he went behind my back posting things under my username to justify himself to a bunch of strangers!! (which i know is what i am doing now, before you start pointing that out)

as far as i am concerned me and dp are no longer me and dp! this about far more than cars or trips to the park. i deserve to have a partner who respects me as an equal and supports me with what i want to do in life. i also deserve to have someone who is willing to make compromises and sacrifces for me and my family. if i cant have that ill be single thank you very much!!

i have already changed my name (changed back to post this) and password and will be making sure that my pc is logged off anytime he is in the house! im also changing the password to get into my system on the laptop.

micci & mr. micci, if you do make-up after this row, please make sure you use adequate contraception.

micci

sorry, you didn't desrve my annoyance, especially after my earlier self righteous post

still the point i was trying to make is that you and your partner need to define properly what your relationship is, are you together as a family unit or not. if not then you need to arrange regular maintenance payments for the dcs so that you are not beholden to him and he doesn't feel you are 'wasting his money'. At the moment it seems your situation is working for anyone and money seems to be the biggest issue.

I do hope you've been able to draw some useful suggestions from the thread in amongst the female chauvenist propaganda