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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to not like to my life

46 replies

gingernutlover · 15/07/2008 09:07

i am just so fed up all the time, all i ever do is go to work, look after dd, clean, cook, wash and tidy up. I am so tired too, dd'd speciality is 5am starts

and all i get from everyone is arent i lucky its not twins, or my mum saying that i was even worse when iu was little and its my just desserts

am i being unreasonable to just feel so fed up and want a tiny bit of sympathy from someone that i feel my life is just one bit of crap after another at the moment>

OP posts:
Original poster
gingernutlover · 15/07/2008 09:41

thankyou madamez

i am sure it will get better and i know i am lucky, I know that the house will one day be finished and I know that one day dh will be a round to help out a bit more

i know all of that just having a crap few months at the moment

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Original poster
gingernutlover · 15/07/2008 09:43

i do keep hoping that one day i will love beiong a mum

trouble is i have been wishing that for nearly 3 years, feel so dissapointed with myself

i havent really got anyone to talk to , my close friend has just gone away to visit her mum, my mum and my nan are of the rosetinted spectacle brigade

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Gateau · 15/07/2008 09:46

Ginger,
I think you all need a holday. It sounds shallow and like a short-term fix, but it could do all of you the world of good.
There's nothing like some sun, different food and a different place of course, a big, long beach - and very importantly another pair of hands to lift your spirits.

I know what you mean though. I felt guitly because I was really looking forward to getting back to work after one's year mat leave. I found being at home quite mundane. And I still do at times - and I'm only off four days a week with DS. SO that makes me feel REAYY guilty. But quite often, like you I'm by myself for much of that time becasue my DH works long hours - practically every day.

And I agree, the "count yourself lucky" line just bloody irks me. You're asking for help - that's why your're on here.

GooseyLoosey · 15/07/2008 09:53

I think that one day you will enjoy being a mum, but for some of us it takes a lot of time. With mine, I think it was only when ds got to around 4 and I could actually talk to him and he could understand that I was a person too.

Is the house getting you down as well? Have been down the doing up a house route and it was a truely terrible time as you can never switch off - there is always something that needs doing and a sense that you will never get it all done. Having come out the other side, it is fantastic, but getting there is not. Are there any jobs you could afford to pay someone to do?

WinkyWinkola · 15/07/2008 09:54

Life is pretty mundane at times. Cooking, eating, cleaning, ironing, working in a paid job, sleeping, bathing - it just all takes time, it never changes and it's pretty darned dull, it has to be said.

You need two hours or so a week to completely indulge yourself even if it's just reading a crap book and scoffing a bar of choc. Or whatever it is that you like doing to make yourself feel pampered.

I think the grind will ease off but not for a few years until your DD is older.

My DCs are definitely going to be doing household chores as part of the family unit as soon as they are old enough. That'll lessen the load.

But ulitmately, I just reckon it's a bit of a plod for a few years. You're not alone.

Original poster
gingernutlover · 15/07/2008 09:59

thanks gateau we do have a holiday to disney paris for 5 days at the end of august and also I am taking dd away on my own for 5 days because dh is planning on taking an exterior wall out of the house

which sounds lovely but .....

neither of these will be a break, dd sleeps badly anyway, and in a strange place it is worse, our last holiday we had about 3 hours sleep every night, I will be very very tired and dd wil be tired too and whiney, am wondering why we have booked them at the moment

i know this sounds ungarteful but it is true. dd is still at an age where she demans my undivided attention ALL THE TIME and so really a holiday is just the same old life but in a different place without the toys at home or her own bed

maybe i am still depressed but i dont want to go back on AD's because although they made me calmer on the outside I never felt better inside - it just didnt spill over for anyone else to see IYKWIM

I had 3 sessions of councelling when dd was little, the councellor was of the "you are so lucky ......" opinion so they didnt help

there is no other councelling available to me as I missed out on the mums and infant support when dd was a baby because they lost the form and then she was too old!?!?!?!

i do think it might help to have someone to talk to that at least pretenend to beieve what i was saying

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FioFio · 15/07/2008 10:01

This reply has been deleted

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Original poster
gingernutlover · 15/07/2008 10:01

i am just pinning my hopes on it getting better when the house is finished and dd is a bit older

dh wants me to go back to work full time when dd goes to school but there is a selfish bit of me that wants those 2 days to just be able to have some me time

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Original poster
gingernutlover · 15/07/2008 10:02

thanks fio fio can i have it in wrting for dh, mother, parents in law, etc etc etc

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NineYearsOfNappies · 15/07/2008 10:10

remember how lucky you are really doesn't work when you're feeling completely unlucky - just adds guilt into the mix which isn't helpful!

Deep breath and "this too shall pass". It will not always be this way. Things change. Can you take even ten minutes for yourself? I find having something to look forwards to, even something as small as a cup of coffee in the garden or a book in the bath, really helps.

Original poster
gingernutlover · 15/07/2008 10:15

that made me laugh a cup of tea in the mud pit outside the back door rofl or a bath in cold water (we have no working boiler at the moment) nah! I'll just sit on mumsnet ignoring dd for 10 minutes

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Original poster
gingernutlover · 15/07/2008 10:16

nine years - if your name is indicative of your situation, you have my utmost respect, I have no idea why anyone wants more than the 1 !

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Sim43 · 15/07/2008 10:29

Well as I always say "same shit different day" But it does get difficult. I work from home which has its advantages, but I miss talking to people. I don't actually have many friends, those I do have are like me, young kids and no time. Hormones don't help and sometimes I feel like screaming. I have read the posts above and some of you truly deserve a scream now and then. Good luck to you all.

SuperSillyus · 15/07/2008 10:31

Thinking of how lucky you are does help if you are just having a difficult day, imo. but it doesn't help if you are a bit depressed which I really think you are.

There are reasons for being depressed and it is a chemical thing. Have you tried st. Johns wort or a different ad?

Trying to think and act positive can help and shouldn't be discounted (I find.)

Though of course when I am down and my mother tells me to snap out of it I feel like slapping her Often we just need to moan and get it all off our chests.

But if your sadness doesn't lift I would definately go to the dr.

SuperSillyus · 15/07/2008 10:49

Also I don't think it is selfish to know your limitations when it comes to working full time. Teaching and parenting are so full on. If you need more down time to keep sane than you need more down time full stop!

SummatAnNowt · 15/07/2008 10:54

What I would say is stop feeling like you might be unreasonable for feeling bad about your life. You are being worn away, early mornings sap strength, doing a house up saps strength, until a child is more autonomous it saps strength, and you have a demanding job. You feel worn down and it's no surprise!!

Can you get out for walks in nature? Fresh air and light is good for you, and children can often entertain themselves along a walk, especially if there's a scooter involved, or wellies/puddles, or a bag to put in things they've found. This is the way I've worked out to have time for my own thoughts even if I'm not alone. And discovering a new place to walk feels like a mini-holiday.

Gateau · 15/07/2008 10:58

That walk sound perfect summat!! I love walking too - it works wonders for me. And DS loves the great outdoors.
I would spend every minute outdoors - if housework and paid work didn't exist..

oranges · 15/07/2008 11:08

also - is disneyland the right holiday for you right now? SOunds like you'd be better with a cabin in the woods - fresh air, quiet nights.

SuperSillyus · 15/07/2008 11:11

yes I thought that about disneyland.

allgonebellyup · 15/07/2008 11:13

gingernut - it sounds like your unhappiness stems mostly from not enjoying your dd?

It took me ages til i felt i loved my dc, til it wasnt a constant struggle.
I always swore i wouldnt have any more, but then i did, and when i watch them playing "schools" together, or one protecting the other from some brat at school, it makes my heart swell with pride now.
But when i just had dd and she was a clinger as well, i didnt really enjoy it too much.

allgonebellyup · 15/07/2008 11:15

Also agree re the teaching thing - its such a hard job to do , and you get no break from kids when you get home - you must feel like you dont have a moment to yourself.

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