to not invite brother and sil to 1st birthday party (long)

[bruhaha]

My brother and sil came to visit us in hospital day after ds was born - 2 months premature. They have not been near since and never phone to ask about him. They have been invited over and never come.

It will be his 1st birthday in 6 weeks and we're having a small party - inlaws coming from london. I'm in a quandry. To be honest I don't want them to come but feel if i don't invite them i will be shutting the door on them for ever. If I do invite them I really don't think they will come anyway.

What would you do?

Invite them. We went through all kinds of infertility hell and I was a bit of a loony to be honest. It's really quite normal to struggle with small babies when you're in the thick of it. I'm sure that she is jealous, and while that's not your fault, it's not really her fault either.

If you don't like your SIL then maybe she has picked up on that, and feels that she can't come to see your DS as you wouldn't understand if she behaved strangely - whereas her own brother/sister would. Just a thought.

Invite them-life is too short for family feuds.

Please invite them (& also please don't be offended if they choose not to come).

My BIL & his wife haven't been able to have children. They didn't come to see us when DD was born - not because they don't love us but because they were hurting and seeing a newborn wasn't helping that. They did subsequently meet DD and love her.

I think what I'm trying to say is that you've got your baby, you can afford to take the high ground and be understanding with your brother and SIL.

I'd invite them. If they come, great, if they don't come, their loss. It's enough that you leave the door open to them if they choose to be involved in your DS's life. Best case scenario they'll become more involved and he'll gain a loving aunt and uncle. Worst case scenario, they will miss out on some lovely family occasions and cake covered children over the years.

i have spoken to them - phoned them.

it all kicked off last november when i called my sil on her birthday and wished her happy birthday said sorry that i hadn't taken her card to my mums and again invited them over anytime they wanted. All was well and then a week passed and i gave her card to my parents as they live in the same town and my brother would sometimes come down on a saturday to see them. I put money in the card so didn't want to post it. Also was snowed under with new baby and no help as as i said before mum had stroke and in laws live in a different country - so was pretty harrassed. I phoned mum as usual and asked if they had picked up the card and she said they told her to put it in the bin as they didn't want it and it was a week late. Well fuck me! I burst out crying was very upset. Haven't spoken to them since.

My sil not being able to conceive has been going on for 10 years and i have been sympathetic and caring but since i got married things have changed.

Blimey. For both of them to react like that is very strange. Are you sure they aren't harbouring a grudge about a 'slight' - imagined or otherwise?

i know of no slight imagined or otherwise. The only thing they bought a monitor for ds as a baby pressie but we had one already and had tested it so shop wouldn't take it back, so we took the one they bought back but they gave us the receipt and were fine with it.

Sorry you have had such a horrible time with them. At least you've tried to include them.

have to go again - dinner ready and ds not sleeping yet.

I would invite, if they say no then so be it.

People that havent suffered infertility have no idea what its like to want something so much, but at the same time it was unreasonable to treat you how they did regarding the birthday card.