Well,Am i ?

[wrinklytum]

Poor dp is in hospital.The dcs and I have not had a holiday for 2 years.We aren't going anywhere fancy,just caravan park place for 4 days.I rang my poor dp in hospital to let him know and he thinks we are being insensitive.It willbe less than an hour away and we could get back to the hopital quickly.Its just I feel ds deserves a holiday(he starts school in Sept)I would love dp to come but he is hospitalised.He said I was a selfish cow,but we can't afford it unless I take them next week.I am feeling really awful.hAVE i DONE THE WRONG THING???

I'm trying to put myself in his position. If I was in hospital, and I wasn't in the state where they're doing tests and no one knows what's wrong with me or how serious it is, I think I would be more than happy for DH to take my DCs away for 4 days so they can have some normality and a bit of fun.

So I think your DP IBU, not you.

i dont think either are being unreasonable

it sperfectly normal for you to want to go away and i think his feelings are also perfectly normal i would be gutted if my dp went away as i would be missing out on special time worried sick about mny health and the one thing that keeps me going my dp visits would be gone

no one being unreasonable just being human with feelings go and enjoy yourself and call dp when away to tell him you miss him and wished he was there buy him something special and promise each other some special time cant be nice being in hospital away from family

Sorry, wouldn't sit right with me, regardless of circumstances.

to answer the thread title... probably.

BUT: you are caught between a rock and a hard place at the moment and you need to find a balance.

You have dedicated the last year to dp (I know you have, I've seen some of your threads) and probably ds has missed out because of it.

Have you told dp that you feel you need to do this for ds - it would take someone with a heart of stone not to want him to be running, carefree through the fields as you describe in one of your posts.

Where are you planning on going? I'm guessing where dp is, and if you're going on hols to one of the places I'm thinking of, then you're only as far away from the hospital as we are where we live.

Could you still visit him? Do you need some practical help with anything? I can probably come and babysit in the evening if you want to go and see him....

How long is/has your DP been in hospital for?

If it's a long-term chronic problem then finding time to take the DCs away together as a family will be difficult, plus your DP may feel too ill to travel. It's unfair that your DCs would never get a holiday of any kind because of this.

However if your DP will feel up to travel/holiday in a week or two then YAB a little bit U because he will miss out.

Unless he is usually grumpy/sulky by nature then I think it's unfair to call him an "arse", as someone has here.

Perhaps he would like very much to be healthy and enjoy seeing his DCs run around on a beach being kids too, rather than ill, in hospital and missing out on precious family moments.

He may also feel that he is losing his status as a parent because he is ill and so he doesn't matter/have a say any more. Most people would find this upsetting. I would if I was stuck in hosp and my DH took DD on hol without prior consultation.

Possibly you could compromise that if you go on this trip, you will plan the next for all of you to look forward to. Even if it's just 2 days away to the nearest seaside town/country area.

Ok, I don't have a huge amount of experience with this, and I don't know your dh's circumstances....

If its been a bad year, with alot of stress in the house, then for heaven's sake, GO!!! You poor son needs to be away for a bit.

My dad was ill alot when we were growing up (some of it due to him not looking after himself, so a bit self inflicted. ) and I really got to resent it. Our whole lives revolved around "what if Dad goes into the hospital again".

It is only four days, you can call him, you can come back if need be (hope not) others can pop in on him.

A holiday is not thumbing your nose at dh's illness, but like you said - to allow your little boy the chance to make some lovely memories.

OK, think of it this way...its only an hour away which in many cases is the commute TO the hospital. If one of your children was ill, it could very well happen that four days go by without you being able to get there.

Just the fact that you are so worried shows that you are genuinely caring.

I think your little boy deserves a break.

Should add that I am unfortunately not familiar with your threads re your DP's illness so apologies if some of what I say isn't relevant to your situation and I do hope you resolve it.

It might have been better to discuss it with him first.

Have a good holiday and don't be too hard on your DP. He is probably going to miss you all.

Not something I would do, but you aren't me.

I don't know if YABU or YANBU but I think if you do feel that much guilt, you should probably listen to that voice of conscience and "do the right thing".

If it is only an hours drive away and your parents are going as well (?? did I read that right?) can't you still go see him every day?

I think whether or not it is right for you to want to take the kids on this holiday, your DP IS being unreasonable to call you a selfish cow and then hang up on you - fgs, even ill, he is a grown man and should behave in an appropriate fashion.

And I agree with more - if it is only an hour away and you have a car, go and visit him, at least every other day of the holiday so that he isn't left without you for the whole 4 days (fgs!! at the 4 days, it's not like it's a whole month!!)