to think that DP could be a teeny bit more helpful?

[IAteRosemaryConleyForBreakfast]

I work 4 days a week. Long days, quite hard. DP is a SAHD. DS is 1 year old.

I also spend a lot of time on call. When I have a weekend off I try to take DS and stay with my family for a night so DP has a night at home alone to do what he likes - get some unbroken sleep (DS doesn't sleep through yet), play computer games, do boy stuff, whatever. I get to see my family so it works fine.

I am getting pissed off though, because yet again we have come back to a house which is a total bombsite. I admit I could have tidied it before I left but there's wet washing he could have hung up, five minutes could have been spent hoovering, the lawn needs cut, the washing-up is still there from yesterday lunchtime, basically nothing is different.

I know if the shoe was on the other foot I would have made a little effort to clean something. He stayed up until 1.30am playing on the computer, drank the last alcohol in the house (admittedly just some dregs of vodka) and got up at 10 I think. He didn't come and get us until 1pm so I have no idea what he did all morning. I don't think it was spent walking the dogs.

I really don't begrudge him "his" time (although I would like a little to myself too - but feel guilty if I don't spend all my non-work time with DS). But I feel a bit peeved that he doesn't take the opportunity of a baby-free house to whizz round and do a quick, cosmetic tidy-up.

I probably am being a bit unreasonable but it's starting to nark me loads. Thought I'd vent on here so I can continue to be sunny for the moment

To be fair on him, you do say that you go away so he can have some Boy Time and that seems to be what he is doing. If you are away and he is having him time then things like the housework will be delegated to no one. Can't you both sort stuff out around the house before or after you go away?

I don't think you are being unreasonable at all.

He gets a night to do what he wants - that is a great arrangement that makes me wish I was married to you .

It wouldn't take long to do some of the basics, but I would ask him to do it. That way there is no confusion.

Yeah, I probably do have to actually broach this, don't I?

He's not going to like it though.

Think I'll open a bottle of wine

tbh I think it would be more healthy to spend the majority of your weekends off as a family

I'm on call 1-2 weekends a month, so we spend those (well, the sundays) together, and we spend wednesdays as a family. TBH it's nice for both of us to get time apart.

Now I'm worried we're doing it all wrong and DS will grow up warped

Of course he won't grow up warped - all families are different.

I'm also surprised that you actually go away with the dc, every week.

Apart from that, you're not being unreasonable at all. But clearly the pigsty doesn't bother him, so you'd better tell him.

Well it's only 15 minutes drive away, and we're away for less than 24 hours, and DS gets to spend time with his grandparents, and I get to have chill out time too .... I'd never though about it being odd, I just thought it was a good thing for DP and I like that DS gets used to seeing his maternal GPs who both work and don't see him otherwise ....

You know how you just do stuff automatically and then stop thinking about it?

Anyway, I digress. Yes, I will talk to DP about the house stuff.

if it is only 15 minutes away I would send ds and have alone time for dp
only once a month though