In feeling annoyed at parents of overweight kids

[noonki]

I am not saying that all children should be a similar size and I know that some kids are naturally much tubbier than others. (I was when I was younger). But there are so many huge children nowadays and at the supermarket I hate seeing the crap that their parents are putting in the baskets. I hated being overweight, and think that parents have a duty to encourage their kids to exercise and not to have junk in the house.

[BecauseImWorthIt]

I think what we're seeing, i.e. the rise of obesity in 'normal' children (as opposed to those with medical conditions) is related to changes in our society/culture.

As has been said in another post, when I grew up (60s/70s) the kind of food that we ate was very different. Fizzy drinks were a real treat, and used to be delivered by the Corona van (yes I'm that old!). Going out to eat or buying take away food was also something rare and special, by no means the norm as it is today for many of us (including myself).

We ate three meals a day and snacking in between meals was very rare; it just wasn't something that you thought about/expected to do.

Now we expect to be able to grab food whenever and wherever we are, just because we're a bit peckish, or because we fancy it. Just have a look at your local high stree next time you go out. How many of the shops are now food related? Coffee bars, take aways, restaurants, etc. HOw many of you will dash into a coffee shop and then pick up a muffin (or something similar) just because it's there?!

The other thing that is different is that we have lost our understanding of food and cooking. As a market researcher I am often researching foods and talking to people about cooking, and it is quite shocking how little people know about food.

So we no longer cook. Even using a cook in or pasta sauce these days is considered cooking by many people. (Not judging, btw, just stating a fact). Gravy granules are considered to be real gravy.

Therefore we are reliant on other people - restaurants, take-away restaurants, supermarkets and manufacturers - to make our food for us.

We all should take responsiblity for what we all eat (not just our children) but for many people these days that isn't so easy - they genuinely don't know where to start.

[posieflump]

riven, do they eat any fruit?
do they get ill a lot?
I guess the 15 year old probably just cooks for him/herself so it's easy just to shove a pizza in the eoven. Do they like smoothies?

[posieflump]

sod's law isn't it!
can't the 13 year old cut up an apple themselves?
my 4 year old eats an apple whole (sorry if the 13 year old has sn too)

[micci25]

riven you didnt make dd brain damaged! its just life is shit sometimes and bad things happen to good people! you are trying your best and that is the most that you can do!

tis very hard making a teenager do anything they dont want to do! just keep fruit and veg in the house in the hope that they will eat it! maybe askk the older one if they will make you a nice salad/healthy meal and hope they make themselves too?

[cory]

MadamePlatypus does make a valid point about the design of humans, which of course came about at a time when calories were few and far between, so humans really did need to be geared to seek them out.

The other problem, I think, is that when you are depressed, tired etc your body is going to be far more responsive to that kind of call. So it's not just about healthy food costing money (or at least interesting healthy food costing money), it's also about the fact that your body's responses change when you are poor. You go back to basics, which means looking for calories in a totally primitive response to stress.

I know things can be done about this, but it's going to be less easy than those of us not under constant stress think.

And that's just the parents. Add to that, that if you're low and tired, and possibly feeling guilty about what you can't give your children, it is going to be harder to take the aggro over making them keep a reasonably healthy diet. One of the families we know have a noticeably less healthy diet than our dc's- but then they have an immensely more stressful life, through no fault of their own, and I suppose they just have to pick their battles. Incidentally, none of the children are fat, but that is probably genetic.

[2sugars]

kittywise, it's not a matter of allowing my dd to eat crap, she'll go without if there's nothing else. And yes, I have tried her with healthy stuff.

[jillyj]

i have been up and down all my life. dieting made me fat and then even fatter. i am very concerned about my kids diets. and they are both extremly active. even if parents want to (agree, you can be very poor but dont have to eat crap) over feed their children they dont need to be over weight if they exercise. even if its only a long walk, bike ride or running around the park. my daughter will not get fat while living under my roof, and she is very confident in her body.

[kittywise]

When ds2 tries to refuse/ does refuse any aspect of a meal I've cooked he gets punished, consistently.

[Tortington]

meals are to be enjoyed - i don't get arsey about it

but fat people shot be shot

clearly

[AbbeyA]

Children will not starve. You only have to read accounts of concentration camps or seiges of cities or similar to know that people will eat anything if the are starving. There is a vast difference between hungry and starving.We are wired into feed our children so they know that it is an emotional issue and they only have to wait and you will be pleased if they eat anything, even if it is only a chocolate bar. They are completely different with a stranger. I have taken children away for a weekend (about 20 of them)when we have cooked our own food ,after a day of exercise, and it is hard work. Several have come to be served and have told me that they don't like it/don't eat it. I was tired, there was no alternative and so I have said 'fine but there is nothing else' and they could tell by my voice that I wasn't bothered (I had done my bit and provided it and they were not going to starve before their parents got them back).Ever one said they would try it and then they all came back for second helpings! It would have been very different if their parents had been there!
I had great trouble with my first DS and it became a battle of wills. Once I relaxed and stopped forcing it it was much easier and he eats normally now. They can't eat junk food if you don't buy it! You can get things into food they do eat-for example if they eat burgers make your own and mix up some veg in it (minced so they don't know).
I can't see why anyone has such an obsession with snacks. They are not necessary, especially if they don't eat well at meal times.

[kittywise]

I can't stand picky kids, including my own, Picky means spoilt and overindulged.
I agree Abbey.
Kids won't starve themselves. Not eating for a few days to get one over on your mum so she will let you eat whatever crap you want is hardly a great hardship.

[Joolyjoolyjoo]

don't get me wrong- my girls were fab eaters until they reached about a year, then they started refusing everything healthy. I have battled for the last 3 years, and I am finally winning! I cook the meal, they can eat it or not eat it! We have a sliding scale of pudding, depending on the effort they put in (ie sometimes I am happy if they try it and don't like it. I make a really wide variety of meals as I like to experiment, and it's actually quite surprising what things they DO eat!) If they don't eat dinner they can have fruit. If they do, there are increasingly desirable options, depending on how well they do (eg trying new stuff, not moaning about "green things" etc!!)

I have been at rock bottom at times. DD1 is pretty tall and skinny, and I have worried that they weren't getting enough, but they have some healthy snacks, and always eat breakfast. But I am so glad I persevered. THey are starting to like a wider range of food, and getting better with fruit etc. They have realised this is a battle they won't win (although they just pick other battles now!)

I've always been a bit jealous of my dogs- if they start to look a bit chubby, I cut their food down, no effort required on their part! While my kids are small, I see it the same way- they only get what I am prepared to give them. When they are older they can do as they see fit, but I hope the hardwiring sticks! DH was allowed to eat what he wanted pretty much as a kid, and his diet is (or would be!) dreadful- he moans about the veg more than the kids (out of their earshot, though!) I told him last week when he was moaning "you know I don't like veg!!" (I made something that involved artichoke hearts and I thought he was going to collapse at the thought!) "Did I ask you to like it? Do I care if you like it? NO! Just eat it!"

[nooka]

My mum was like that. I'm one of four and if I didn't like something everyone would chorus "all the more for us" and eat whatever it was I was making a fuss about. It doesn't work quite so well with smaller families though. I still had some major battles with my mother, but I am very grateful. I have good eating habits (except that I lose my appetite when I am stressed) and more importantly I like a huge variety of food, so I can always find things to eat that I enjoy. I feel sorry for fussy people, they are missing out on so much good stuff. My ds is fairly experimental with food, which is great, but my dd is very untrusting of anything new, which I find very frustrating. We go on the you must at least try it approach and I am slowly expanding her repertois. They are not allowed to help themselves to food for snacking, and I try to make sure they are hungry at meal time (always helps!).

I did always wonder how my mother would have coped if one of us had developed an eating disorder though.

[Miggsie]

I must say I get annoyed when I see children, taller than my DD so probably about 3 or 4 being pushed around in a huge buggy thing holding a muffin as big as their head in one hand and a packet of cheesy nibbles in the other.
I would say that child does not have a lot of exercise and possibly has a skewed diet, as those two snacks alone must completely fill their stomachs so how can they have room for a proper meal?

I don't feed DD packaged snacks like this and we abandoned the buggy when she was 2. She eats like a horse, but is very fit.

However, genetics play some part and there are kids who eat like horses and are slim and those who don't seem to eat much but are carrying a bit of weight.

When I see kids of about 7 pr 8 coming out of shops with a 1kg bar of cadburys which they are eating on their ownI think "oh, there's another one for early onset diabetes then"

[Othersideofthechannel]

How do you punish your DS when he refuses food Kittywise? I've not heard of anyone do this before.

When I went veggie (age 15) I only ate peas and carrots but soon got bored of my unvaried diet and gradually introduced loads of veg. But my Dad turned veggie at the same time and he is a good cook so I was enticed by what he was preparing.

[kittywise]

Well I start with the withdrawal of puddings, that normally works pretty well. Then it might be that he can't go out and play, watch tv, go on the computer.
These things are a punishment for him because they mean a lot to him.
He is finally beginning to understand the link between his diet and mood/ general well being, but it has taken many years.

[mummyosaurus]

I agree totally with hatrick, I am very overweight and would never let my kids struggle with it like I have done. It makes me so miserable, zaps my energy and confidence.