In feeling annoyed at parents of overweight kids

[noonki]

I am not saying that all children should be a similar size and I know that some kids are naturally much tubbier than others. (I was when I was younger). But there are so many huge children nowadays and at the supermarket I hate seeing the crap that their parents are putting in the baskets. I hated being overweight, and think that parents have a duty to encourage their kids to exercise and not to have junk in the house.

[scaryteacher]

My ds (12) is a tad chubby, and according to the BMI calculations, at risk of becoming overweight. However, he was prem with a hole in his heart which wasn't discovered for 6 months, and has spent most of his life underweight, and at one point, falling off the bottom of the weight charts. For me, him putting on weight is confirmation that his hole has nearly closed and that his energy is going into growing, not mending the hole. He is also at the stage that he seems to grow overnight, and I am will not worry about his weight until he is 14 or so and his growth has stabilised.

I cook from scratch each day, and he has a fairly healthy diet, so I am not worried. Yes, I'd like him to do more exercise and we will begin swimming regularly this holiday and doing some more walking.

[bigTillyMint]

I was a fat, unhappy at home older child / teenager, but have been normal weight since I left home and started working.
My mum cooked really healthy, but also used food as treats, and still does. Also comfort eats. I was fat because I ate too much at meals and I picked at crap the rest of the time. I think lost of people do this without realising how much extra they are eating. I have to fight myself daily not to do these things too much!

I work with kids, and notice that the overweight kids eat more, and make more unhealthy choices, which over time mount up into excess weight. Then it is really hard for them to lose it, because the eating patterns are so ingrained.

But healthy food is more expensive, and can take more effort to prepare - it seems to be a vicious cycle for many families

[LongLiveGreenElizabeth]

I DO if I see the children waddling along gorging on crisps and icecream. I don't really notice otherwise.

I do feel for parents who have children who pester them for food ALL the time. And I know of slim parents who know all about healthyeating but who still have have children who just seem to LOVE food much more than their parents.

A friend of mine works every hour plus a few more and so does her husabnd. They need a new childminder imo, but I don't think I should say anything, unless she asks. I've seen the CM giving the children sweets so she can read/make a call.

[nooka]

I'm not totally sure I buy the healthy food = huge expense line, except for those who live in food deserts (and working in a poor central London borough I know there are some, especially around the big estates built in the middle of nowhere). Having a very limited budget is definitely a lot harder work, and variety may be one of the things that is lost, but in previous generations food was more expensive and more limited but far fewer people were obese. Maybe this is because things like cheap cuts of meat were more available in the days of butchers, but I also wonder if it was because people knew how to cook them. Also expectations might have been lower. We always had a roast on a Sunday, but we would then have had shepherds pie, and cold cuts (not that generous on the meat) later in the week. We didn't have meat every day, and pudding was always fruit based and filling. Also we did not have snacks, or sweets, or drinks other than milk or water. I just don't know any families that eat like this anymore (mine included). I suspect this cut down on the sheer volume of food in the trolley. I wonder how much of this is because people don't understand about balance (a good diet does not mean no sugar or fat) , allow their children to be picky about what they will and won't eat, and don't have the time, inclination or knowledge to cook "proper" meals. Certainly some of the most successful healthy eating schemes in my area have involved cooking clubs.

[JoshandJamie]

I went to Costco this weekend. I was gobsmacked by the average size of the person in the store. It was like I'd walked onto a film set where everything had been supersized. The trolleys are huge, the aisles are broad, the shelves go up for miles, the size of the bottles/boxes of things are vast. Fair enough, it's a shop for the trade and you buy in bulk.

Yet I couldn't believe how many families were there that matched the scale of the shop. Enormous parents, enormous kids, enormous pile of crap in the trolley.

I know that there are many reasons people are overweight. But overeating and eating crap is a big part of it. And personally, when i see young kids eating shite who are obviously overweight and you can tell that this isn't a one off treat, I get mad. Because that parent is subjecting their child to a life of battles with their weight, diet yo-yoing and health issues. If that makes me a judgemental meanie, so be it.

[PussinJimmyChoos]

Hatrick - CAH?

[Heated]

There are a lot more fat children in schools today, than there were when I was at school. Fact.

There was maybe one overweight child per class in my school year. Now in my year 7 class alone, there are at least 4.

I am conscious that my dcs, whilst super-skinny at present, come from a family of fat ppl.

My FIL drives me insane by trying to feed my dcs crap, whilst making 'jokey' comments about mean parents who deprive their children, when he looks like a beach-ball on a stick and has type 2 diabetes brought on by a crap diet.

[aquasea]

I haven't read the entire thread but just wanted to say - I was a chubby child. One of my most embarrassing memories is of my Dad taking me to see a nutritionist to put me on a diet when I was about 11. After listening to what I ate and what exercise I did (dancing and horse riding) she didn't understand why I was overweight. Neither my brother nor sister were. When I got to about 14 I suddenly shot up in height and the weight dropped off me. Some kids are genetically programmed to be like that. It was nothing my parents fed me and the emphasis on it for me in my childhood was really damaging. I felt fat my entire life even though I was a size 10.

[lovecat]

DD has been variously called 'solid', 'meaty', 'well-covered' 'chunky' and 'sturdy' throughout the 3 years of her life. She is quite fussy and eats small portions of well-balanced, scratch-cooked food (with the odd chicken nugget thrown in), but loves fruit and only drinks water. Also she walks everywhere and gets loads of exercise. She has a very small amount of chocolate once a week, after church, providing she hasn't run riot in the pews.

But her 'solidity' has been commented on by family and strangers so many times that having read the posts here I'm now worried that unless she does suddenly shoot up and slim down she will be picked on for being 'the fat girl' at school, that she will have a negative body image and dislike herself (esp. in view of aquasea's post).

[lovecat]

Oh, and Charliecat, you said you don't see fat horses... you never met mine, then! The greedy beggar would wriggle the bolt on his stable door and troll around the yard eating all the other horse's breakfasts (embarrassing AND expensive!), lean on electric fences (burning himself in the process) to eat the 'good' grass in the next field, jump 5 foot fences (when he used to trip up on ground poles) to get to better grazing, pull DH (who is not a weakling by any stretch of the imagination) off road into the bushes to nosh if he relaxed his guard for more than a milisecond (fatboy didn't dare try that with me, I was his boss, but other riders were fair game!). How he never got colic I'll never know...

So it's not just people...

And congrats to Hecate on the fab weight loss!

[nancy75]

sometimes it is the makeuo of the child, a good friend of mine has a dd a month younger than my dd - both 3, her dd is in age 5-6 clothes, has feet 4 sizes bigger than my dd and is of a stocky build, both kids eat pretty much the same food, if anything friend is much stricter than me about her daughters diet. if the child were just fatter i would put it down to eating but taking her height and shoe size into account she is obviously just buitl bigger than some kids

[Quattrocento]

I agree with the OP actually.

Some children are overweight because of medication or medical conditions or just the way they grow.

But the vast majority of children who are overweight are overweight because they eat too much and don't take enough exercise.

And the problem is getting worse.

And mostly it is the parents' fault. Sorry about that. It's difficult I know. DS inclines to tubbiness. He exercises lots but he adores his food and just overeats. You worry about giving them anxieties about body image and food, but ultimately we have to help them to stay the right size.

[Joolyjoolyjoo]

I think there are lots of reasons why a child might be overweight, but surely as a parent you do your best to prevent it? I've struggled with my weight all my life. I'm not really overweight, but I hate the way I look, and have had eating disorders in the past. I spent my life dieting, but when I was pregnant with dd1 I really let myself go- and put on 5 stone!! Determined to lose the weight, my immediate response was to diet, but the fact that I had had a child (and especially a girl) woke me up to the idea that that was NOT what I wnated her to learn from me. I started cooking properly and the weight came off, slowly but surely. I exercise regularly and I am keen that my children see that as a way of life. We have dogs and we all walk them every day (at least 2 miles- my kids are really great wee walkers, aged 3 and 4). I don't want them to be overweight, but neither do I want to pass my own hang-ups onto them- that is really really important to me. I want them to see no food as forbidden or naughty, and exercise as a pleasure.

I know many overweight children have underlying problems, but for the ones that don't I don't understand how their parents would set their kids up for the bullying and poor body image. yes, there are definitely some exceptions, and because of that I would try not too judge. But others will, and if you CAN do something about it then surely you should?

[MadamePlatypus]

Nooka, I don't know how old you are, but I know that when I was little you simply couldn't buy a litre bottle of coke. I think the most exciting soft drink available was orange squash, or possibly ribena which was quite expensive. If you wanted to buy your bottle of orange squash you had to make sure that you could buy it between 9 and 5, you couldn't buy it on a Sunday and you might not be able to buy it on a Saturday or Wednesday afternoon. Much easier to drink milk from the milkman and water from the tap.

Nowadays its difficult to walk out the front door without tripping over an opportunity to buy a coke. Its cheap. As I mentioned before, people are designed to like fatty, sugary food. Its not really surprising that people are tempted to eat it when its widely available and that those people who are most tempted are the ones who have the fewest resources. I think the difference between now and the past is not so much that food was limited then, but that fattening food was limited.

[nooka]

Actually I think that the has been something of an explosion in the diversity of all sorts of food and drinks. For example we would occasionally have orange juice made up from a little can of frozen juice. Now there is a huge range of juices, smoothies and of course a whole bunch of sugary stuff too. Fruit and vegatables would be much more seasonal (like new potatoes only in spring). More and more processed and "short cut" food too. My mother says that even things like pasta have expanded in range. So more food, more appealing food, and yes, loads and loads of very accessible fattening junk.

[Othersideofthechannel]

MadamePlatypus, unhealthy food is very readily available in the UK. I have lived out of the UK for 7 yrs and I do notice now how many places sell crisps, sweets and softdrinks.

It's hard to see how you could change the situation though. Although I expect there are no longer ice cream vans in school playgrounds like when I was at secondary school.

[2sugars]

Good God, I'd hate to meet any of you on a dark night.

FWIW, dd1 is overweight. Nothing to do with me not wanting to feed her stuff that's good for her, the bottom line is that she just eats rubbish. And yes, I feed it to her. She's a vegetarian that won't eat vegetables, she's 9, and yes, I have talked to our GP about it, on numerous occasions.

dd2 isn't overweight, eats the same stuff we do, and doesn't have an issue with food. And I thank God for that.

DD1's eating habits changed overnight. She just stopped eating the Annabel Karmel/omlettes with loads of veg in/whatever at about 14 months. And nothing I've read here makes me think any of you are aware of just how difficult it is to feed a child like that.

Walk an effing mile in my shoes.

[micci25]

2sugars my dd has issues with her eating too but she is underweight because of it! problem is she loves the healthy stuff but i have difficulty getting her to eat protien and fats! fruiit and veg is not a problem she will eat it non stop but a piece of chicken in fron of her and its a different matter! and i do feed her rubbish sometimes just to get her eat! fishfingers and smiley faces are never turned down!

of course i am aware that some dcs are overweight for reasons other than the fault of the parents! i also understand how difficult it is to get a child to eat things you want them too! i have even been that worried about my dd that i have offered to walk to mac d's at 10pm at night because she has eaten little more than grapes and strawberries for three days!!!!!!!!!!

you probably have tried this all ready but have you tried hiding food? dd1 has pancakes but is unaware that they usually have a banana pureed into the batter mix and that her strawberry sauce she smothers them in is simply pureed strawberries spoooned into a an empty bottle of strawberry syrup. the tomato ketchup she has has is pureed tomatos with onions and garlic boiled down untill it thickens.

dd1 is going through selective eating atm and there is very little that she will eat but we are slowly getting her to eat a wider variety of foods though not long ago she even started turning down her fruit and veg and would eat only pancakes!!

try making eating fun, let your dd help with the cooking and pick her own meals to a point i.e. 'would you like pasta, quorn bolognaise or cheese salad?' teddies bears picnics and 'party' spreads are good too. and making pizzas with pitta breads tomato paste and a selection veg that she will eat!

will your dd eat quorn?

[kittywise]

I've got a child(ds2) who would eat shit all the time if he could, he's very skinny though. He's always been like it. I suspect that Horrid Henry was fashioned on him!

2sugars what I don't understand is how you allow her to eat crap.
As I said ds2 would but in the house I insist that he eats what we eat. The protestations have got less over the years but we've stuck with it.
As a parent you must take control. How is it that your dd is allowed to eat crap? Why are you allowing her to do this?

[micci25]

kittywise its not always that simple. i was told with my dd dont worry she wont starve stop allowing her to fill up on fruit and veg and make her eat with the family, if she wont eat it remove the meal after 45mins and she goes hungry untill her next meal' she ate nothing for three days. not one single bite!!! some dcs are v v determined when it comes to food and it can be sickeningly worrying!

dd1 generally picks her own meals but the compromise is she has to at least try what the family is eating before her cheese pasta is made. normally she will say she doesnt like it but the next week she might not make such a fuss over the same meal!

[AbbeyA]

A vegetarian that doesn't eat vegetables! I have always told mine that I am quite happy for them to be vegetarians and cater for them but vegetarians eat vegetables-end of story!
A healthy diet is something that you have to embrace as a family. Serve up healthy meals, don't do snacks (they can fill up on fruit)and don't make food an issue. If you impose healthy eating on your DCs and eat crisps, fatty food, and drink coke yourself you are giving the wrong message. If you freak out about the odd chocolate bar you are making forbidden foods seem very attractive.
Joolyjoolyjoo has the right attitude. Proper home cooked healthy meals, no forbidden foods and plenty of exercise. People will disagree, last time I said that you should set an example people were up in arms saying that they were the adult and could drink coke while their DC was young they had to have water or juice. All that tells them is that coke is desirable and as soon as they are old enough they will drink it.
If you have 3 good meals a day you don't need constant snacks.

[AbbeyA]

micca25 it is difficult with your own DC because she senses that you are emotionally bound up in what she eats and knows that you will give in in the end. I would take her on a long walk every day before a meal time-or something to exhaust her and make her hungry.

[micci25]

you are probably right there abbya as she is getting a lot better now! now that i have given up! there is no begging her to eat and no offers of rewards for eating a mouthfull of chicken if she doesnt eat it she doesnt it! its only during her really bad weeks that i start to worry now!

she still gets her cheese pasta or home made burgers (home made at the local butchers home, that is) if she wont have what we eat but if she doesnt eat the other thing she asked for which is usually what happens she doesnt eat it!

after four years of tears and specialists and people we dont even know commenting on how she must be neglected i have given up! i just dont have the energy anymore. healthy snacks are kept within her reach and are unlimited and she has a choice of meals if what we are serving is unliked. if i know for a fact she likes what we are having and she wont eat it its just taken away and nothing is said and nothing more is offered!