In feeling annoyed at parents of overweight kids

[noonki]

I am not saying that all children should be a similar size and I know that some kids are naturally much tubbier than others. (I was when I was younger). But there are so many huge children nowadays and at the supermarket I hate seeing the crap that their parents are putting in the baskets. I hated being overweight, and think that parents have a duty to encourage their kids to exercise and not to have junk in the house.

[Hecate]

For me, SM, it's not good child = slim child bad child = fat child
it is within normal size range child = happy child
obese child = bullied, ostracised and miserable child

It's not about the child being good or bad based on their weight. It's about them being happy or not, or bullied or not or healthy or not. About not laying down habits that will plague them for the rest of their life. About sending them down a certain path in life. Saving them.

If you think it's about the child being good or bad, then I think you have hold of the wrong end of the stick.

OJ. I think my CAT expired. I'm sure I'll get round to renewing at some point! Meanwhile, do you want to email me at [email protected] ??
you don't HAVE to! I won't be at all offended btw

[MmeBovary]

OJ - sorry I'm quiote new to MN but have read enough posts to know what you are going though at the moment (and I'm sure other people being fat doesn't rank high in the scale of importance) Big hugs.....

[micci25]

i dont think that she was judging people with overweight dcs. i think she was annoyed because you see so many overweight dcs being fed crap!!! you see in her op she mentions about the shopping trolleys full of rubbish!

personally i agree with her! i would never immediatley look at an overweight dc and think 'bad parenting' but if i saw an overweight mother with overweight dcs pushing a trolley full of crisps and biccies then i would think 'my god that woman doesnt have a clue'

[noonki]

Hi ScottishMummy

I am not talking about walking past a large child in the street and judging them or their parent, what gets my back up is seeing a overweight kid following around a trolley of fizzy drinks, pizza etc

But whilst I agree that diet, healthcare and lifestyle are complex psychological issues I feel that a major part of parenting should be concentrated on these areas... what is more important than a child's health ... or anyones for that matter?

Surely parents, where possible, should be concentrating on making their children as healthy as possible?

Money has nothing to do with it - the park is free, cheap meals can be the healthiest,... and if it is all socioeconomic what has happened in the last few years to make life that much different, for so many people? I remember the lovely seventies and the 3 day week, the early nineties when everyone was out of work..

My family history is pretty herendous (sp?) and yet weight problems haven't increased.. in fact they have gone down...

so what has happened to explain this huge increase in big kids... not playing out and food or something else? And what can be done about it... it is worrying, the effects can be so devastating.

[ScottishMummy]

noonki the trolley full of junk etc. is symptomatic of something else, what else?Phew thats a biggie.tbh it is multifaceted

Very few parents purposefully make an unhealthy choice for their DC BUT some (maybe unwittingly)do

ok so what motivates individual these human choices
Volition
Motivation
Knowledge
Preferences
Confidence
Peer Pressure
locus of control

so how do we initiate changibg behacviiur long term, and actually changing expected outcomes?

i suppose setting ground work with the children now to encourage good long term habits/choice eg information, fun sessions, tasting etc

my LO attends nursery were the snacks are organic fruit, water, eakth choice menu. no carbonated drinks, crisps etc. one day i went to collect my LO sat next to wee one eating wotsits in a bowl provided by the mum

financially yes nutritious does not mean costly.

[onlyjoking9329]

have emailed you Hecate.
i haven't been able to get out and do a big shop for ages i rely on mates to bring me stuff and some lovely MNetters have sent me shopping, when i have been able to go to the shop it has been a very quick trip to get bread & milk and whatever else is essentail, anyone observing my trolley will have been tutting at the unhealthyness of it, but do you know what i did not care and i still do not care.

[noonki]

Good ideas, you are probably right,

because I know that most parents love their children and want the best for them

so education of parents is key .. but how through school/HVs or do they get done for interfering?

The media most certainly doesn't help with it's contradictionary messages of 'too fat' 'too thin' celebrates

anyone else got any ideas?

[edam]

The problem with the government making such a public fuss about the 'obesity crisis' is that it encourages lazy, spiteful, stupid people to judge others. Gives them the perfect excuse to sneer.

I don't know why some people are so pathetic that they need someone to condemn. But I do hope there is a special place reserved in hell for that the kind of twonks who make nasty remarks about children like Hatrick's nephew or HumphreyCushion's ds.

[noonki]

Dear Only joking

I am in no way discussing people in your situation, You are dealing with so much more than most of us have to contamplate.But your position is not the norm

I do not want to upset people in distressing or bad situations but do not want so many kids to go through what I or my sister went through

I don't want to upset anyone but feel that this issue is often not talked about for fear of upsetting others yet often it is the kids that are upset.

[onlyjoking9329]

i am sure you aren't just making the point that you don't always know how someones life is.

[noonki]

that is too true

[kiddiz]

Ah but it it is easy to judge fat people for having trollies full of junk foods. Does the same apply to skinny kids? Because, having previously worked on a supermarket checkout, there are a lot of families with skinny kids who buy rubbish too. I regularly pass two very skinny kids walking to school eating sweets/crisps and drinking fizzy drinks.
It is completely possible to have normal weight chidren who have an unhealthy diet.

[missfib]

being overweight myself and believe me i was brought up on a very unhealthy diet that included a lot of fried food,take away and junk!
i was teased at school and i never want my children to go through any of that,
i do let my children eat crisps and chocolate but they do eat 3 healthy meals a day and only eat crisps and chocolate as a treat on the odd occasion i would never deprive my children of the odd treat and occasional take away but do believe that they should always have a varied healthy diet.

[babyelephant]

It's true onlyjoking and hecates, reading posts like yours make me feel ashamed for judging others for unhealthy stuff in trolleys etc. (although I don't think I think badly of the person with the trolley as such, I just think "Gosh, that's a lot of snacks/pop/junk!"

I wasn't allowed anything like that as a kid or a teen so maybe I'm a tiny bit !!

Even now I feel like the food police will be after me if I buy white bread instead of brown, or pop instead of cordial etc occasionally.

My mum is overweight and has food issues herself, but from the start she brought me up on salad/cheese/fruit etc so I didn't know any different unless I went to parties where there was lots of junk stuff and even then I thought that's what you had just for parties and the rest of the time everyone ate salad/cheese/fruit!!

Didn't she do a great job... almost too good....

[AbstractMouse]

Does anyone know at what age/stage a child would go from being a chubby toddler to being considered a fat toddler? It's odd, for the first year of life people seem to take pride in dc's being on the upper end of the percentile range, when does this translate into being fat?

Ds is 20 months and is showing no signs of losing his baby chub, he is also a human dustbucket, someone on mumsnet the other day said "boys are never not hungry" too true. At what age do you need to start worrying about weight gain?

[ScottishMummy]

BMI is frequntly used but should be used in conjunction with Ax, a history of child

[micci25]

i actually judge anyone who has a trolley full of junk! since i was v underweight as a child due to the fact that i didnt class chips and beans as an actual food! my mum had other ideas unfortunately!!

i lived with my nan half the time who made pasta and salads which i loved!! the other half the time i made my excuses and left the table with an empty tum!!

i wouldnt say worry about weight gain at all untill past early teens so long as they are active and eating the right things

[Bonifacio]

YANBU, parents feed their children crap they're going to get fat, its pretty simple. You can almost guarantee that a fat child will be followed by a fat mother.
A lot of overweight people I know are in complete denial though, blaming it on genes and medical issues...... erm no your fat because of the big Macdonalds you just shovelled down your face, followed by a trip to crispy creme!

I also don't think its unreasonable to be really annoyed when overweight people complain about being fat but then continue to eat shit and continue to do no exercise.

[olyoly]

People are thin/heavy for a variety of reasons, but nobody should exist on junk food alone. I agree w/the OP and I do judge a trolley of junk food. It doesn't matter if the children attached to it are thin or fat.

Unfortunately, the healthiest options are often the most expensive. That is very challenging if you have a large family to feed.

[kittywise]

Most people are overweight because they eat too much food and don't exercise enough. It's a very simple equation for most people.
Some people try and blame it all on the fat gene. But as my dp rightly points out. Having a fat gene does not give you carte blanche to be fat.

It's strange but when walking around the people I see eating in the street are nearly always already overweight

[kittywise]

Oh yes and to actually tie in with the op (sorry) they are eating shite food. Hopefully the credit crunch will not only pull in purse strings but might help to do a few notches up on belts too.

[MadamePlatypus]

I think the problem is that humans (and most animals and birds) are designed to seek out sugary, fatty foods. If the world suddenly changed and biscuits grew in people's gardens, we would be surrounded by a lot of fat wildlife.

30 years ago, there were no computers, only three channels and no TV in the mornings. Even the most sofa loving child was forced to be active out of boredom.

We now live in a society where it takes a conscious decision not to be fat. I think money does make a difference. Yes baked beans are cheap and healthy, and so are lentils, but frankly, they are not the mainstay of my diet. I am very impressed by mumsnetters who provide a healthy diet on a tight budget and try to follow their example, but its not easy. It is however easy to provide a healthy diet if you turn up at Waitrose with a wad of cash.

[NumberJill]

Three cheers for MadamePlatypus!

yes of course it is easier to be healthy if you have money, Fray Bentos pie and chips (gag!) would cost about £1 a head - salmon, new potatoes and mange tout costs about 300% more.

There are much cheaper healthy options, but then we are faced with a lack of choice.

You look in a supermarket, rule out everything that costs more than a pound per meal, AND everything with an unhealthy level of fat, sugar or salt, and you are left with wholewheat pasta, tinned tuna, tinned tomatoes and carrots. Other stuff too, but that's all I can think of off the top of my head - it's all most people can think of off the top of their head, and whose kids will put up with that EVERY night of the week? Mine wouldn't.

Add to this the sometimes appalling quality of the school meals .... yes, the menu says "lamb hot pot with roast potatoes and peas, followed by apricot crumble" but if your child is last to seat, what they will get is greasy roast potatoes, bread, and a biscuit, because everything has run out! If your child is on free school meals, that is a sizable proportion of their day's calories completely wasted on crap.

I have resorted to dishing dinner up 2 hours later than normal because I know they won't like it, and won't eat it unless they are famished. How many would dish up chips and beans instead? I have done before.

[puppydavies]

i had a lengthy thoughtful reply typed out but then i glanced up at some of the replies and remembered this is an aibu thread. some of the judgemental attitudes shown here are the reason kids who are overweight are bullied mercilessly at school and have often lifelong self esteem and mental health issues as a result.

[HunphreyCushion]

Excellent post, NumberJill.