To mind that my DH is overweight?

[Youcanthaveeverything]

He has been getting steadily fatter over the past 10 years, and now has a real middle aged type paunch that hangs over his trousers and sometimes strains his shirt buttons.

He talks alot about 'going on a diet' but it never lasts more than a few days.

Now, I love him, he is a wonderful husband and father, but this does make me fancy him less I'm afraid.

Worse, he takes no interest generally in his appearnace, hair/clothes etc, and often looks a mess.

I take this quite personally, I want him to want to look good for me. Why doesn't he care?

I know he would not like it all if I put on weight or made no effort, he takes alot of pride in me looking good.

I know if any overweight Mner's posted about thier Dh's objecting, the Dh would be heavily critised. So am I being unreasonable to mind?

bloody hell, MMJ, now I fancy your dh...

I think perhaps all you could do is mention the health aspect rather than anything else, maybe get the whole family involved in a (gradual) healthy eating drive, play a bit of sport with the kids (eg, kick a football around at the park)

I think a softly, softly approach is probably best.

SOrry, TMF - I've basically repeated your post!

I am very shallow. I would not fancy my dh if he got fat and he feels the same way about me.

He is a good looking bloke, in a scruffy overweight knid of way.

He works at a uni and I know he is attractive to his tutees. That is always a kick up the bum to me, to remind myself of that. There's always a younger, uncritical women waiting in the wings if I were to drive him away.

He's never cared about his appearnce TBH, I didn't mind before. but he wasn't overweight before.

youcant - I completely understand where you're coming from. My dh put on weight steadily for 10 years after we got married - he got to over 20 stone - and, I have to be honest, I really did stop fancying him although I never loved him any less.

But, unfortunately, cod is right. YOU cannot make him lose weight, he has to make the decision for himself. What sorted my dh out was his health deteriorating - his blood pressure went through the roof. Maybe getting your dh to go to one of those Wellman clinics or even just having a chat with his GP would help.

And it's not just about cutting out his evening pint or "going on a diet", it's about changing his lifestyle. Basically, he needs to eat less - and more healthily - and find some form of exercise (by the sounds of things something with minimal impact) that suits him.

My dh still struggles with his weight a bit but HE KNOWS that he has to deal with it for his own sake. And now I do fancy him again btw!

if you mind you mind

i think it is pretty common for men and women to stop caring about their weight fitness and stuff and it is insidious

most men over 40 seem to be a bit on the physically yuk side...i think if you have deteriorated together and love each opther it wont matter

picking one up from scratch i havent found one i could sleep with lol

ha hey, no one said you would be driving him away! After all, part of it is concern for his wellbeing. Work with the health aspect then and never mind the attractiveness bit - and then when he starts to lose a little bit, really pile on the compliments and how you fancy him so much more now and how much better he looks etc...

If his girth is more than 40in he's putting himself at risk of heart disease and diabetes.

I'd mention it a couple of times, serve up low-fat tasty food, get rid of fattening snacks, go for brisk walks with him, anything, but it really has to be his decision and determination at the end of the day to lose the weight.

I think my DH looked too thin when I married him and I found, after the wedding, that he'd got appendix problems. He started to put on weight just after the wedding and has been a good, solid build ever since.

He was fit as a butchers dog when we met, but now he's a little cuddly round the middle and he can be a bit slovenly, but then so can I.

I don't love him for his body...never did really. It was always about the eyes for me and that's why his shape can change but my feelings for him don't. Now if he got cataracts (she joked)....

I know his health is an issue, as he's a 40+ bloke with a fetish for cheese (well maybe fetish is the wrong word) and he likes his real ale. His waist is a bit relaxed now and I know that we should both be looking at losing weight for our health.

I don't think you're being unreasonable to feel the way you do, but I couldn't feel that way. I love my man, better or worse and all that. I also think that I'd be incredibly hurt if DH said he fancied me less because I'm overweight because I think our relationship is about more than that....but that's just us, I guess.

I love Beautiful South! I thought it was going to be Perfect 10, which is a great song. My DH always sings 'I bought a watch, to time your beauty, but I had to fit a second hand'...cheeky bugger

I think the health drive all round (can't be a bad thing) is the way ahead. Not a diet, but a concerted effort to cut out the unhealthy temptations around the house, serve up healthy dishes and find some activity that you enjoy doing together. When you see results then lots of "how sexy you are" stuff to reinforce it.

dh told me the other day I should make more of an effort (his was in the context of moving to a very image conscious country) and it was a bit upsetting, but made me think a bit about my appearance. It doesn't take very much effort to look much more attractive, and the benefits are usually good

DH has recently been hitting the gym as he was overweight too. i didn't not fancy him when he was bigger, i didn't even think i fancied him less than when we met, but have to be honest, his gym bunny behaviour is making me fancy him more.

disclaimer, i too am losing weight.

could you encourage your DH to go to the gym? sometimes blokes prefer it as a away of losing weight, to dieting. usually, after a few weeks of sessions at the gym, the healthy eating kicks in as well.

he used to go to the gym before the DC's and really enjoyed it. he does talk about joining again. Maybe I will sign him up as a suprise, it was a treat for him to go.

Yes, I'll definetly do that.

ah, just saw your bit about him trying to get fit. how about swimming or stuff in the gym that doesn't involve injured bits? most gyms give free sessions so he could see for himself if it's got what might interest him.

MMJ, I deliberately don't put on joggers when I get home, because I think if I look slovenly then dh might not find me attractive when he gets back. DH was getting a bit porky and couldn't work out how to lose weight. In the end he decided that it was bad for his health (he wasn't really enormous, but was starting to get a paunch), and he went to a diet doctor who told him what to eat. He's been back to see her a few times. It's worked really well - he lost about 1 1/2 stone over 8 or 9 months, which was what he wanted to lose, and has kept it off. I think somehow seeing the doctor made it feel "official" and made it easier for him to stick to a different way of eating.

It's very important to be kind and supportive. I eat his diet meal too in the evening so he doesn't have to watch me having something different, and I hide all the other things that I buy as well for the dcs so he's not tempted to snack.

There is no nice way to tell your husband that you no longer find him attractive. As others have said, maybe you can approach him about his health?

I started body-for-life after my last baby, and by default my dh started it too. He agreed to do the plan with me for moral support. Guess what? He lost two stone in two months and I lost 5 pounds! It is a basic healthy eating plan, and you can prepare and package his meals for him so it is easy for him. He will get to eat every 3 hours, and there is still one free day per week where he can eat anything at all.

After my dh lost some weight, he started caring more about his appearance. Apparently, he had been feeling 'fat' and a bit down about himself before. Maybe your dh isn't feeling good about himself either?