to leave DD(7) sitting on the loo crying for 20 minutes because I won't wipe her bottom?

[sandyballs]

I think not, DH thinks I am. I'm just sick of it, she's 7, not 3. I feel I need to start taking a harder approach to it. She manages at school without any problems so it must be laziness, 'oh Mum is here, I'll let her do it' .

My 5 year old doesn't ask anymore, he did when he was 4 and I would go and instruct, but he does it well and it's part of growing up.

Is she genuinely distressed or attention seeking...

That then answers the question about unreasonability or not...

I would say it depends on your child. Does she really wipe at school? Maybe she wants mum to do it as it is better that way? I haven't wiped my 7 year olds bottom for so long I couldn't even tell you when it was. I think he mostly goes at school. I stopped wiping my almost 5 year olds a few weeks ago as I got fed up with her not even trying. I would wipe my 3 year olds but he has started taking himself off to the loo without telling me and wants to do it himself. I then check.

Thing is, I don't think there's always something wrong with attention-seeking. If they feel the need for some attention, why shouldn't they seek it? So long as they're not obnoxious in the process?

LOL at serial killer in our midst

my 7 year old gets babied with cuddles and kisses .. not shit-wiping ..

"AIBU: I think not, DH thinks I am."

Let DH to do it then!

attention-seeking by making a parent wipe their poo away is IMHO (H being humble) extremely obnoxious

It seems a very long time since I wiped my 7yo's bottom and he generally does a fairly reasonable job of it and I am pretty much out of the loop of his toilet habits (different bathroom etc) thankfully. My 4yo (4.2) I have inadvertatently babied and still do hers. She takes herself off to the loo all quietly at the other end of the house (always on a different floor to me) and then all of a sudden yells "I've finished".

Anyway just this week I said to her "that is the last time I am ever going to wipe your bottom isn't it?" and she agreed quite chirpily.

I haven't wiped their bottoms since they were about 3.5.

DS2 once had a friend come to play and he was in the loo for absolutely ages (he was about 4ish at the time). I shouted in are you ok - he said yes but my bottom needs wiping. I told him big boys wiped their own and that is what he would have to do.

I've started to encourage DD (3) to do some of her own bottom wiping. She seems reasonably adept so far. I really can't foresee myself wiping her bottom when she's seven.

YANBU. However, it's worth checking if there's anything in particular she's worried about. My 5 year old does it herself, but will sometimes ask me before she gets in the bath "have I done good wiping?" because she is mortified if little dried bits come off her bottom in the bath and float in the water (that's TMI isn't it )

Thanks for all your replies. It seems the vast majority of you stopped bottom wiping at 3-5, as I expected .

Not sure if attention seeking is true, although thinking about it, it is a rare time when mummy and her are completely alone, even if it is brief and mainly absorbed by poo wiping . Just wondering if maybe I should take her out more on her own if these are the depths she has reached to get my undivided attention .

Generally she's a very independent kid, much more so than her sister (also 7), whose bum I haven't wiped since she was 3.

Sorry but I agree with Seeker.
My ds is 9 and still likes me to help him in the bath etc sometimes.

Just think they like some 1 to 1 sometimes in a kind of static place (loo, bath) where they have you to themselves?

As someone said, he wont when he's 16!
Agree, pick your battles etc.

right that's it - I am going to try and get nearly 4 year old dd to wipe her own arse - I am sick of her leaping off the toilet and me having to chase her shitty arse around the house.

YANBU DS1 wiped his own bum from when he was potty trained at 2.6. I always checked it then obv.

But maybe you should ask her why it is upsetting her so much and find out if she has a good reason for her behaviour

7? surely the question you should be asking is not should I stop ...but why am I still wiping his bottom in the first place???? do you still feed him too?

lol serial killers. But isn't there also a group of adult men who like to wear oversized nappies and pay women to bottle feed them? I always wondered where those fetishes came from...

Ah but do they go out on their own on their bikes, sail their own dinghys and make a pretty fair stab at cooking a reasonably edible meal? My ds can - even though I do wipe his bottom for him occasionally!

Reminds me of my brother (who was at least 6) shouting out, "wipe my bum!". Still wind him up about that!