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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think my 9 week old DS should be allowed to make some noise?

26 replies

lisalollipop · 10/07/2008 08:48

We live in an end of terrace house and DH freaks out if our 9 week DS makes even one cry at night because it's not fair on the neighbours. Plus DH works shifts so when he's on nights I have to try and stop DS crying in the day too so it doesn't disturb him sleeping. Not that I want to let DS cry for hours but just sometimes crying seems necessary. Am facing the next 4 days of him being on nights and just feel miserable. Just wanted to moan really...

OP posts:
fryalot · 10/07/2008 08:51

the neighbours will be expecting to hear crying from a new baby.

He is being unreasonable imo.

Twiglett · 10/07/2008 08:52

a 9 week old baby doesn't actually make much noise .. it might seem it .. but it's actually quite quiet because of their relative size.

now when he's 2 and having a full-blown top-of-the-lungs screaming fit then you'll hear it

and 'it doesn't disturb him sleeping' WTF? tough .. he's a dad .. he is going to have at least 6 months, possibly a year, some cases longer of disturbed sleep

he needs to grow up and buck up his ideas .. he's a father now

DaphneDescends · 10/07/2008 08:53

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Shannaratiger · 10/07/2008 08:53

We live in a ground floor flat so I do understand DH worrying about disturbing the neighbours. Unfortunately in my opinion babies do need to be allowed to cry abit so they learn that when they 'ask' for something they get it. Otherwise they won't learn about communication etc.
DH is just going to have to live with it or buy some earplugs- sorry not very sympathetic.

wingandprayer · 10/07/2008 08:55

Buy him some really good ear plugs and let him get on with it. He can they get his undisturbed sleep and you can just enjoy your baby. Have a word with the neighbours, but I bet if they have kids they will completely understand. Buy them some ear plugs too if not!!!

dal21 · 10/07/2008 09:00

He needs to relax. Babies make noise. And I am sure your neighbours will understand that.

Re. the daytime levels of quiet, get your DH to buy some earplugs. As your DS gets older, he will make more and more noise (of the non crying variety) and having to shush him all day isnt fair on you or him.

YANBU - he is, and he needs to adjust and become more supportive asap.

Original poster
lisalollipop · 10/07/2008 09:02

Thanks all. Neighbours don't have kids so maybe will go earplug shopping for them later. DH already earplugged and nightnursed....

OP posts:
TheHedgeWitch · 10/07/2008 09:05

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

MsDemeanor · 10/07/2008 09:24

Babies do make a noise and cry and yes, your dh is being unreasonable, but I don't agree that babies need to 'learn that when they 'ask' for something they get it. Otherwise they won't learn about communication etc."
babies communicate with you from the moment they are born -literally. They make eye contact, copy your facial expressions, take turns in 'conversations' ( you talking, them making little noises) they 'ask' for food by rooting around and moving their head etc
Babies do cry - some of them a lot - but they don't need to cry to communicate.

MsDemeanor · 10/07/2008 09:26

I mean, they don't need to cry to communicate.

spicemonster · 10/07/2008 09:29

Doesn't the average small baby cry for something like an hour a day? You being stressed about the baby crying isn't going to do any of you any good

But you don't sound as if you are, so that's good. Perhaps you should get your husband some rescue remedy though

MsDemeanor · 10/07/2008 09:34

My babies all cried btw!

LittleMyDancing · 10/07/2008 09:44

My SIL always used to worry about her babies waking people up - tbh, I've found that if it's not your baby the noise hardly even penetrates your consciousness, iyswim.

Maybe your DH thinks it's louder than it is because he doesn't realise that he is going to be 'tuned in' to the sound of his own child crying, in the way that the neighbours aren't? 9 week olds really don't make much noise.

You could always go round and ask the neigbours if the baby has disturbed them - then if they say no you've got some evidence to wave at DH.

But he does also need to realise that he is going to have some broken sleep from time to time, unless he's planning on leaving all the night stuff to you? It's not just feeding, there's illnesses and vomiting and nightmares and all that to come - might as well get used to broken sleep now!

HTH

Original poster
lisalollipop · 10/07/2008 18:16

Thanks everyone. Maybe I'll leave the rescue remedy out on the side as a hint! I do know that a lot of babies cry lots more than our boy which makes it worse that DH has so little tolerance. Hadn't realised that men are tuned in to own babies cry as well as girls. Thanks. Hopefully we'll all settle into familyhood soon. Cheers.

OP posts:
PeachyBAHons · 10/07/2008 18:20

we also live in a terrace and dh works nights

he's never ever said anything to complainabout it, it's normal!

God, I love my dh!

Turniphead1 · 10/07/2008 18:34

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request.

domesticslattern · 10/07/2008 18:43

Sorry but your DH really needs to relax. If you jump up at every cry you might have problems later because your baby will not learn to cry a little and go back to sleep. So net result- more crying.

Ear plugs are a good idea.

Also you could talk with the neighbours- I bet they are not hearing as much as you think. I can hear what TV channel my neighbours are watching but mysteriously they claim to be unable to hear our DD or not to mind what they do hear. We do occasionally try to charm them eg. with offering to wait in for deliveries etc. (I am a SAHM so it is easy for me to help them)- I am sure that helps.

3littlefrogs · 10/07/2008 18:50

Get him some earplugs - you can buy them at the chemist. He is increasing your stress and that is not good for you or ds.

3littlefrogs · 10/07/2008 18:51

Sorry - hadn't read the whole thread. It seems the concensus is earplugs.

alicet · 10/07/2008 20:02

Agree with the general consensus that he will have to get used to it.

He might think he's being thoughtful worrying about the neighbours but he needs to know how stressed out this is making you and show you the same level of consideration. To be fair to the guy he probably doesn't realised you are stressed about it. Show him this thread.

Good luck!

googgly · 10/07/2008 20:13

If the neighbours should happen to complain, by the way, just say something like "of course it's terrible for us when he cries so we do everything we can to keep him calm". Unless they're mad they'll realise there's not much else you can do. But frankly, can't see anyone complaining about a newborn crying.

We're six years into parenthood now and still have broken nights all the time, for wet beds, vomiting, needing drinks on hot nights, needing help to go and pee, temperatures, nightmares, sleepwalking, you name it. You can't possibly do it all yourself forever, so please discuss it with your dh. I always tried to protect dh from the night waking with our babies when they were tiny, because I didn't want both of us to be so tired that we couldn't manage. But he did really appreciate it, definitely didn't expect it.

Have you got a sling? Makes it easier to keep a baby quiet in the day.

Original poster
lisalollipop · 11/07/2008 20:34

Domesticslattern - Charming the neighbours sounds like a good plan - just in case.

Alicet - show him this thread? Ooh don't think so. Will try talking more to him though.

Rescue remedy, earplugs and sling seems to be the way forward. Really appreciate everyone's advice and support thanks. Feel much better about it all today.

OP posts:
alicet · 11/07/2008 21:01

Yes a decent sling is a godsend! I had one of these

Fair enough don't show him the thread what I really meant was to explain as you have here so he understands. Good luck!

Original poster
lisalollipop · 12/07/2008 22:21

Thanks again alicet. The hugabub sling looks very much like my "closer" sling. Haven't used it a lot yet but will get into it a bit more now. Cheers.

OP posts:
mrsleroyjethrogibbs · 13/07/2008 07:52

all babies cry. thats just how they are. dont worry about it.

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