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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to go to pontins with my mum and the 3 kids but without dp

32 replies

sheepgomeep · 08/07/2008 23:35

my mum has offered to pay for us to go, we can't fit dp in the car anyway.Its for 4 days.

his big gripe that we are a family and we should go on holiday together and we haven't had a holiday together as a family yet.

but on the other hand he is a miserable git anyway, he does nothing but moan at the kids and I desperately need a break from him.

He isn't talking to me. Am i being unreasonable.. I need answers quick before my mum books it!

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Original poster
sheepgomeep · 08/07/2008 23:37

she said dp was welcome to go but he can't fit in the car. cost to much to get there otherwise on public transport on benefits and vv broke hence my mum paying.

My kids have NEVER been on holiday before

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Original poster
sheepgomeep · 08/07/2008 23:38

oh and my mum is coming with us too

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MmeBovary · 08/07/2008 23:40

Are they his kids? Whose is the car?

Original poster
sheepgomeep · 08/07/2008 23:42

its my mums car and only 1 child is his dd2

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colditz · 08/07/2008 23:42

YANBU

What's the problem, it's not like you are leaving him with all the children!

Ignore him. Go witout him if he's a misery.

Original poster
sheepgomeep · 08/07/2008 23:45

I think he thinks he is missing out on something

I did say to him think off all ps2 games he could play and he could practice playing on the dart board in peace

And look for a bloody job in peace.

He does have some jealousy probs

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bonnibaby · 09/07/2008 08:02

I went with my mum last year and we had a lovely time-so did DP at home i think.
Can see what he is saying if you have never had a family holiday but if you cant afford one anyway its selfish of him to deny the kids this chance i think.

posieflump · 09/07/2008 08:07

have you got a car?
Why doesn't he follow behind in your car?
or if not why don't you suggest he goes on the train with one or 2 of the dcs to make it fun for them maybe

but I don't get why he is bothered
I would love 4 days childfree!

posieflump · 09/07/2008 08:08

He hasn't got a job? Then how can he moan about not having a holiday! Just tell him when he earns the money he can have a holiday!!

Eddas · 09/07/2008 08:23

YANBU

I'd jump at the chance.

Did it come out of the blue? Will he get used to it now he knows you're going?

My dh would love a few childfree days So would Icome to that!

LoveMyGirls · 09/07/2008 08:26

YANBU, maybe if he wasn't such an arse you would want to go on holiday with him, maybe if he booked something and he was going to make an effort then it would be different.

It will do you the world of good, just do it!

LoveMyGirls · 09/07/2008 08:32

Just read the rest of the thread, he hasn't even got a job yet he expects to come along at the expense of your mum, he's acting like a child. he needs to grow up get himself a job and provide for his family in the future.

My mum paid for us to go on holiday last year BUT my dp came along, we both work very very hard but still the money wasn't enough for us to have holidays so she took us away in her caravan, we had such a great time we decided to work really really hard and sacrifice other stuff so we could have a holiday this year, we haven't managed very well with money tbh and i'm overdrawn BUT we have booked a few days away camping and will pay off my overdraught with money i'll be earning in the next couple of months.

Maybe while you're away he could have a clear out and do a car boot to earn some money?

nametaken · 09/07/2008 09:23

YANBU - my dh is a miserable bugger too (although he works hard which helps) and I very often go away without him. Who wants a holiday with a misery guts, it's like having a big black cloud hanging over you all the time.

Do you work? How about if after the holiday you both start looking for jobs. Then you could have a nice family holiday. It's nice for the kids.

lulumama · 09/07/2008 09:26

i can see why he might feel left out, but if your mum wants to treat you and the children he needs to start acting like the adult.

how long has he been out of work>

agree he could spend the 4 days car booting or ebaying stuff to put towards a family holiday if he feels that strongly about it

Rosaline · 09/07/2008 09:52

same thing in our family this year. My mum has offered to pay for a 4 day trip to Devon, but DH not coming for a variety of reasons (he spoilt last year's summer holiday by treating mum as an upaid babysitter and general cash machine plus practical things like the amount of annual leave he has). My DH has also had a moan but we just booked it anyway. I don't feel guilty at all as he went away skiing for 10 days with his parents earlier this year without me, and to be honest sometimes it's best to have some time with your blood relatives and not in-laws.

bornagaintart · 09/07/2008 09:56

TBH, if she wants to help, wouldn't it be more useful to offer to pay for you to go away as a family. How would you feel if your in-laws paid for them, DH and the kids to go away without you? I think there'd be a mighty long terrible MIL tread.

AlistairSim · 09/07/2008 10:00

Doesn't he want the children to enjoy themselves?

Original poster
sheepgomeep · 09/07/2008 11:26

thanks everyone for replying

We are going to go. My mum has got an excellent deal and I'm going to provide the food and stuff so I don't feel so bad about my mum paying for everything.

He still isn't happy but its tough. He would spoil the holiday by clashing with my mum he's got different ideas of discipline than I have and it would be hell if he came.

We are both looking for jobs, he's been turned down for a few (unskilled factory work, and supermarket jobs bit hard to come by in this area at the mo, even for me.)

So I think he's a bit disallusioned with life. He got turned down for one job because he was overdressed for the interview

I don't see why though my mum should pay for us all to go as a family without her.She deserves a holiday as much as us and she works bloody hard in her job.

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Original poster
sheepgomeep · 09/07/2008 11:28

ah but bornagaintart i wouldn't be such a misrable git in the first place for my inlaws to consider leaving me behind.

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HermanMunster · 09/07/2008 12:34

can't believe i'm in the minority here.when i read th op i assumed everyone would say YABU. why should the rest of the family get a holiday and he is left out because there is no room in the car. would you accept such an excuse if he organised a trip for the family that you wished to go on?

Original poster
sheepgomeep · 09/07/2008 12:42

I would if I was a miserable fucker like dp. He will spoil the holiday trust me

I didn't organise it at all. My mum offered and at the end of the day my kids needs come first.. they need a holiday.

and tbh i would jump at the chance of having 4 kid free days. Heaven!!

I know what you are trying to say but dp doesn't come first in this instance. The kids do.

And he needs to get a job, the 4 free days will help him [hopefull]

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HermanMunster · 09/07/2008 12:49

i wouldn't look at it as someone coming first. i would look at it as you being a fmaily and going together so would do my best to organise alternatve arangements.
how much would a bus/train cost for him to get there?

bunchoflowers · 09/07/2008 13:06

No way - get away for a few days and enjoy yourself. He'll get over it!

Original poster
sheepgomeep · 09/07/2008 13:10

More than our budgets worth tbh. Not entirely too sure but we are vv broke and if dp came ds would have no birthday pressies. We are that broke.

as soon as dp (or me for that matter) gets a job then we will arrange to go on holiday.

I for one don't feel comfortable spending dp jobseekers on a trip to pontins.

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Original poster
sheepgomeep · 09/07/2008 13:12

sorry don't mean to sound arsy. I know what you are trying to say but I really am putting the kids first. I need to its been the shittiest year

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