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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To blame my MIL for the breakdown of my marriage?

39 replies

bunchoflowers · 08/07/2008 19:58

I have been married to my DH for nearly 10 years. During that time, my MIL has not contributed as much money to my family as my own mother has. She has often said things to upset me. She does love my children, but we just don't seem to be able to see eye-to-eye. We have different approaches to life: I like things to be in order, and for everything to be accounted for, whereas she is more lively and isn't always so interested in the practical side of things.

I get so angry with her, I find her so irritating, it's affecting my marriage in a very bad way.

Do you think it is fair to lay the blame on her?

OP posts:
dal21 · 08/07/2008 20:17

How bad are things with your DH?
Does he know you feel this way?
Not enough detail to know whether YANBU or YABU, although am inclined to say that my initial reaction is that if your MIL is causing friction - part if not all of the blame surely needs to lay with your DH in not drawing boundaries with his mum.

TeaDr1nker · 08/07/2008 20:18

I don't blame my xFIL for my marriage break down however, he contributed greatly to the breakdown of my marriage, but as someone else said, it takes two.

What does DH say?

elmoandella · 08/07/2008 20:24

i agree perhaps counsoulling would help you to understand whats the cause of the breakdown of the marriage.

perhaps it could put you on the path to resolving your issues with dh and having another chance.

however if it's gone too far at the least it'll help you get over it and stop any feeling of bitterness towards mil. after all she's still you dc's granparent.

Jux · 08/07/2008 20:38

Defo troll methinks.

LazyLinePainterJane · 08/07/2008 20:44

you find her irritating, so therefore she is responsible for the breakdown of your marriage? Or she is responsible because she doesn't give you enough money?

Maybe you are responsible for being an irrational strange woman...

beaniesteve · 08/07/2008 20:46

What sort of thing has she often said to upset you?

flubdub · 08/07/2008 21:15

its NOT a troll! shes posted a lot!

flubdub · 08/07/2008 21:16

Bloody hell, shes DOES love the AIBU thread.

flubdub · 08/07/2008 21:18

oh, hang on. shes only been a member since 26th june - so maybe.

flubdub · 08/07/2008 21:18
lulumama · 08/07/2008 21:19

of course YABU

take responsibility for your own life, yuor own marriage and your own happiness

i am sure you have upset her hugely over the years too, you sound like the sort of person who thinks the world revolves around them and only them and that everyone owes you something

interesting your first criticism is about money . how materialistic .

a loving grandmother and MIL is worth more than any material things.

shatteredmumsrus · 08/07/2008 21:34

My mom hasn't much money and has got severe arthritus but there is no stopping her taking my ds out on the buses and trains and over the park to play football. She is amazing but only spends £10 on their birthdays, do I care hell no!!! She makes up for it in soooo many other ways! Its not about the money

Jux · 09/07/2008 11:50

Sorry I called you a troll.

YABU

edam · 09/07/2008 11:54

You'll have to give us more info than that to persuade anyone your MIL is horrible. So she's different from you and doesn't spend as much on you as your Mum? So what?

Unless there is more to this than you have let on, YAB very U. Take some responsibility for your marriage instead of dumping it on others.

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