to be fuming with my selfish whining brother?

[fedup1981]

We had a mondeo that cost too much for us to run so we bought a cheap little 1 litre car and the mondeo was declared as off the road on a family members property.

My 38 yr old older bachelor brother is a bit of a walking disaster, we've helped him out loads in the past and he's always been rather ungrateful about it so I don't know why I'm surprised, but-

Two weeks ago his car broke down, and subsequently failed its MOT. He phoned us up moaning about not being able to get to work, and how he wouldn't be able to pay his mortgage etc, hinting (not asking) that he wanted the mondeo, so we said "yep, use the car, do what you need to do to pay your bills"

A few days later OUR car failed its MOT, too. We are always really skint and have a baby, so we had to borrow money and juggle the bills etc to get the money together to fix, re-test and tax our car. We don't have enough money to last this month really, and I'm not sure what we'll do for food money etc but we're bound to manage one way or another (we won't see baby go without, obviously)

Now, we hadn't asked my brother for any money for the car, so when ours failed the MOT dp and mil started saying "how much is he paying for the mondeo?" and I was embarassed to say "erm, nothing" since it was dp's car, but since I hadn't asked for any money intially I thought "tough, can't ask for any now"

So to today... my brother has done NOTHING but piss and moan about the mondeo since he was given it. Moaned about how much it has cost him to MOT it, how much to fix things on it, how much to tax it, how much to fill it with petrol, moaning that the passenger window wont roll down, moaning that the bumper is cracked etc

I've listened to the same rant three times now and have sort of jokingly said "well, no-one's twisting your arm to have the car, no skin off my nose if you don't" and he didn't even get the irony, he said "yeah I know but I've got to have it unfortunately"

Today he ran up and hinted at dp bringing him the log book (not asking, again. Prefers to hint and then sigh and whine and say he's rather busy when you offer) then launched into the rant about how much the car is costing him AGAIN. So I lost my temper and said "WELL DON'T BLOODY HAVE IT THEN! GET YOURSELF ANOTHER CAR AND STOP MOANING!"

So he says "wait a minute... you don't think I'm moaning do you? it's not that at all!" and I started to tell him how skint we were and how we could have sold the mondeo but we gave it as a gift instead and he's done nothing but moan about it, and he started to make up some excuse about there being someone at the door so I hung up.

I'm so bloody angry that he's acting like such an ignorant selfish pig. I know he wants someone to moan to about the fact that the car has cost him money, but AIBU in thinking that I am not that person, ffs?

No, YANBU. I try and avoid arrangements involving goods and money with family members for this reason, unless it's v. short term. You probably should have asked for the momey, but most people would ahve at least offered.
He needed to be told.

Cheers. You see though I'm 11 years his junior I've always been his defender, I've always helped him with money, bought him food or had him round for tea when he was skint, and he doesn't seem to think good things of me for it. In fact sometimes he speaks to me like I'm shit, but doesn't dare do that to our even older brother and sister.

It's like he loves moaning and feeling put upon, even when he isn't. I took him a pan of hot pasta last week because he said he had no car to go food shopping- when I called him to ask if he wanted it he gave a big sigh and said "I had pasta the last two nights but yeah, what the hell, bring it over if you want"

So there was him and 2 similar aged siblings, then 11 years later you came along?

He has cast you in the role of The Root Of All His Problems.

He sounds very whiney.
Sell the Mondeo.
You need the money - why are you putting him before your family?
Stop babying him - if you want to help him out let him stand on his own 2 feet, ungrateful sod. you're too kind to him.

I can't take it off him now, he's just MOT'd if afaik. But anyway I will manage one way or another, we're always skint, sometimes it's worse than others, that's all.

He doesn't just blame me for his problems, he blames the world. It's like he feels owed something! My mum used to bail him out all the time, she died a couple of years ago and I started giving him help when he went through a rough patch, and I think he feels owed it now. But he's spoken to me like I'm shit one too many times now so he can sod off.

I'm very fond of my brother even though he's a big PITA and it makes me sad that he acts so badly towards me that I have to shout at him.

Whoever said not to involve money with family is so right.

There is no way that I would put up with that kind of behaviour! He doesn't sound like the type to listen to reason, but the next time that he winges to you about something I would nod and sympathise and then do nothing else - no giving him money, no cooking food for him, no sorting things out for him when he complains. I would let him stand on his own two feet, and then he might see just how well you've been treating him.

Ah, I see. So your Mum started off the pattern, and now the world owes him a living. I stand by my advice to let him cope on his own for a while and learn to appreciate you.

Next time you go and see him, take him the log book (make sure you fill in your bit and send it off) that's one less thing for him to moan about.

Stop buying/cooking him meals unless you invite him to dinner.

Don't give him anymore money should you have any spare one week put it somewhere save to use for weeks like this.

It's not your fault that he is no longer the baby. Tell him to stop moaning that he is 38yrs old he is old enough to get on with life.