to be miffed with my friend for pushing an envelope through my door

[deanychip]

with money in it for her kids tea.
every week she is wonderful and has my son after school one day. she often takes him to a play place for tea or macy d's.

she asked me to pick her kids up today from school and i immediately said YES delighted that i could do something for her.
i said i would take them to macy d's for tea.
her dh has just shoved £10 throuhg my door for kids tea.
honestly, i realy wanted to do this for her. obviously i will give it back to her with a flea in her ear. (jokingly obviously)
I always feel like i am just not good enough for her, like she bends over backwards for friends and will not accept kindness in return.
sigh.
ps i am bieng unreasonable because she is just so so lovely and thoughtful and i really am very grateful that she is my friend.
how would you handle this?

I am like this, I just hate to think I'm in anyone's debt and I am uber-independent. Drives DP (and no doubt friends) mad. He says I never ask for help when I could do, and that in the rare circumstances that I do, I always over-compensate.

Just don't want anyone to ever feel I'm taking the piss, I think.

I think she is just a really nice person tbh. The fact it was put through your door and not handed to you meant they did not want to embarrass you but at the same time did not want you to be out of pocket. I would try and give it back to her and just explain that you are just returning the favour....I wish some more of our friends/family were like yours

ive bought her a huge bar of galaxy chocolate, its her fav and im going to give oit to her with the tenner. she heas had a rough time bless her.

Huw can i ask you, do you think bad of friends who do not repay like you do when you say that you "overcompensate"
i worry that she thinks bad of me or is disappointed in my friendship.

She is a great friend. She obviously doesn't want you to feel put upon and is being polite by offering money. It was probably posted by her DH to avoid the protests. Obviously I don't know your or her situations. Is it easier for her to take the kids out etc. Are they a lot wealthier than you? Maybe these are reasons she is trying to be kind (non patronisingly).
When you drop her kids back home. Give her back the money and just say no need, you do it all the time, but thanks for the thought.

she is financially much better off than me BUT that never ever enters into our friendship ever. thank goodness.
thakns for replies, feeling better already.

deanychip - you are reading waaaaaaay too much into this. Of course she doesn't think bad of you / is disappointed in your friendship you nutter !

She's just a thoughtful person who doesn't want to just rudely assume that you will buy her child a McD's. By all means give her the tenner back but don't over analyse

Deany, no, not at all, I never expect them to. Mad isn't it?

hehehehe i DO over analyse always.
I just dont offer to give her money when she takes my son out, she makes me feel awful by bieng so nice jeeez, i AM a nutter!

Some people are not comfortable taking a small favour at all, even from a friend whois not poor....
I wouldn't let somebody I thought was struggling treat me regularly. Or I mgith try and tone things down a bit, cheaper cafes etc...

But, I am very comfortable receiving presents, favours, meals out, second hand clothes, books, toys..... keep it coming

the title of the thread implies that i should be miffed if it were a turd she was pushing through my letter box in a n envelope doesnt it...lol not a £10 note!

I have a friend like this. If we take the kids out and I buy a treat when I get home sometimes I find that she has stuck a fiver in my pocket or side of my bag when I have not been looking.

She has just given me her lovely pram for my next DC so I insisted on giving her the money to buy a pretty pink stroller. I am half expecting the money to fall out of the pram when I open it up next.

Enjoy your friend. And treat her next time you are out.