To be jealous of DH and his mother's day together with my DS

[Gateau]

I KNOW I am being unreasonable and selfish, so am prepared for the backlash! SO I guess I just want to vent on here and find out if anyone felt the same.
This is the one day my DH looks after our DS (I work three days a week and look after him on my days off). But the thing that annoys me is that he has to spend every (unless something comes up!) one of them with his MIL when I thought he would be wanting to - most of the time, anyway - have a 'boys' day with our DS.' I guess I am jealous because I don't have the privilege of having my Mum living nearby to share my days off with. And also, it annoys me that my MIL doesn't take that much interest in our DS, but is just using this time to see my DH and gossip with him. I just don't like the woman that much, I guess - and I think the feeling is reciprocated.
Anyone experienced similiar feelings?

Perhaps if you saw your MIL as a family more often your DH wouldn't feel obliged to see her on his day at home.

Well I can see how annoying it is coz you look after him alone but as long as your ds is happy does it really matter?

My MIL doesn't really take that much interest in my dc either and I am quite sure she merely suffers them so she can see DH - it's horrid really isn't it. I don't go there anymore.

Is this a relatively new arrangement? If so, then perhaps the novelty will wear off soon and he will branch out and start doing different things with DS.

From my perspective, I think it's actually rather nice that your DH has a good relationship with his mother and enjoys spending time with her.

Could you gently hint that perhaps he could see MIL in the afternoon, and take DS somewhere in the morning, or vice versa?

AbbeyA - we do see her and FIL quite often - they were round at our's last night and Wed night!! And she takes very little interest in our DS, preferring to sit and gossip inanely instead. It winds me up..

How old is your DS?

TBH my dh has been better and better at spending time with ds as ds gets older - he really found it hard when ds was very little.

He used to head off to take ds to his parents' for the day and I knew he wouldn't actually spend much time with him. I found it just a touch annoying but not annoying enough to wake me from my profound slumber/distract me from the afternoon movie on Channel 5

I would try to let go of this. Try and turn it round and be happy that your ds is seeing his granny - children playing by themselves while adults chat is not a bad thing at all, they learn a lot from it about family relationships.

I'd be annoyed too, because it should be special time with Daddy. Maybe a visit or every other day off would be okay.

Thanks choosy.
I WANT to let go, honestly. I don't want to be jealous; it a horrid thing.
And yes, it's good for DS to see as many members of the family as possible.

I just know my DH would not dream of dictating whether I spent the day with my mum and ds, or just ds, when I was at home with him. It would be a very odd thing for him to care about (unless there was some problem because of it relating to the safety/upbringing of the child)

You're right, YABU and rather over-controlling........does DH tell you who to see when you have DS?

And as the mother of a son you might want to focus on thinking how lovely it could be for you one day if YOUR ds comes to see you once a week with your grandchild?

Yeah, totally agree with you honoria.
I want people to tell me I'm being U, because I think I am, and want to be a bit happier about it.

YABU, cheer up pull yourself together

All the unhelpful 'helpful' stuff at once

I KNOW I am being U. I got it the first time - and agreed with you!!

Same thing here when ds was tiny and it did irritate me because it felt like dh was too lazy to look after his own son (don't think that was fair but it did feel that way). BUT dh has got a lot better at looking after ds as ds grew older, they go off and do all sorts of stuff together. And it's nice for MIL to see her grandson while I get a bit of time on my own.

YAB a little bit U but it's entirely understandable.

Thanks edam; glad to hear others have felt the same.
I suppose it's good also that MIL has this day to see her grandson - it means I don't have to see her as often!!

An important plus point!

how old is DS?

I know exactly what you mean - dh used to do same while I was at work when dd was small - I can't explain the irritation but it definately does! Maybe its a deeply tucked away feeling of her 'winning him back' when your back's turned?? DH's go back to mum a little too easily sometimes! Tis true you get to spend LESS time with MIL but then I started to take that personally too!

YABU, as you've already said but I know how you feel.

I have a semi similar situation here. I live in Spain, near my in-laws and spend lots of time with all of DH's family. Dh is quite often away on business, and I (obviously) stay at home alone. But when I go back to UK to see my family, DH goes to stay with his parents. It grates me,(unreasonably) that he can't be alone in our house, although of course it's great that he gets on with his family so well, and looks after his aging parents.

So, I know how you feel, but I think we both have to let it go

Kews, DS is 14.5 months old

artydeb, the 'winning him back' line of thought could be right! However I think, if truth be known, jealous of their relationship. They are very close and I hate the way she tittle tattles all this inane nonsense to my DH about her friends and labels these days together as days to see her grandson when in actual fact she doesn't show much interest in the most important little person there!!!

He spends his time with his MIL - your mum?

I'm going to go with the - they;re quite hard work at that age and he's being lazy as he knows his mum will do some of the work theory...

You will probably find as he gets older that he isn't prepared for people to sit gossiping with each other but needs entertaining more. DH might start taking him out more (if not you can suggest he does).

At 2 my DS wouldn;t stand for lazing around someones house whilst I gossipped...

but does it really matter what she tittle tattles to him if you're not there? You can;t control someone elses relationship with thier mother. BEing jealous becasue your's isn;t around is understandable but your problme not his.

Hmm. Well I have quite often done the reverse, in that on my days off I have been known to take my two over to my mum's, where they have run all over her house whilst I've chatted to my mother. I would be surprised (and a little hurt) if my dh objected. At that age unless you are a baby person small children aren't really that enthralling. So yes YABU because you are imposing your views of parenting on your dh. Having said that I think we all do it, especially (but not exclusively) if we are the primary parent. dh and I have very different views as to the best way to spend time with the children (dh do not much at home, me go out for edutainment) and it really isn't helpful to share/attempt to impose them too much.

YANBU. I'd be a bit annoyed if the same situation cropped up.

I don't think there is anything wrong with him seeing his Mum every week, after all men generally don't fit that well into mothers & toddlers and childrens classes so its a long day without adult company. However as someone else says half a day is more than enough for a young child to be sitting around whilst two grown ups blether. My DH has lots of fun activities that he does with DS aged 2. They go to the soft play or he takes him for a walk or round B&Q (for some reason he loves going shopping with DH but not with me), it's a shame for him not to have fun with his own DS.

However tbh I don't think there is a lot you can do about it as if you talk to him about it, he will just assume you don't like his mother, which by the sounds of it you don't.