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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to expect a friend to remember I have a child?!

52 replies

susia · 07/07/2008 00:17

Hi
I have a friend coming to stay with me for the weekend for the first time in five years.

I am a single parent of a four and a half year old.

My friend and I used to know each other when we were both single, living in London and occasionally went for horse riding weekends.

Anyway this weekend she is staying and meeting my son for the first time. She just texted me and asked if I still went horseriding and if I did would I fancy spending Sunday riding with her?

I find this really odd, either she expects me to find a babysitter for the day - when I would always spend Sunday with him and couldn't possibly afford it even if I wanted to (which I don't) or she expects a four year old to be profficient at riding (he has never been and I haven't since I had him).

I presume her idea wasn't walking him around and holding him onto a horse while we walked?!!!

OP posts:
mollysawally · 07/07/2008 00:42

Oh this thread is making me remember life before dd, so carefree and irresponsible ..sigh!

Original poster
susia · 07/07/2008 00:45

yes I remember too and I would love to go for a swim, ride all the sporty things I used to do. They are all on a backburner....

Took my son swimming last night though and he is getting really good maybe one day I'll actually be able to get some exercise again!

OP posts:
mollysawally · 07/07/2008 00:48

Oh was it fun susia, my dd loves the water!

Original poster
susia · 07/07/2008 00:51

yes he can swim a couple of lengths now which is great. We can also do loads of things we couldn't a year or so ago, cinema, theatre, cafes etc...but obviously not quite the same. I haven't seen an adult film for nearly five years, somehow spending £25 on a cinema trip is a little extravagant (£20 babysitter - £5 cinema) when you don't have alot of money...

anyway, sure it'll be fine we just need to do something we can all enjoy.

OP posts:
Original poster
susia · 07/07/2008 00:52

there is a horseworld round here...maybe we can go and look at the horses!!!not sure this is what she has in mind though!

OP posts:
mollysawally · 07/07/2008 01:01

Thats a brilliant idea, I'm sure she'll be happy to comprimise.
Cant wait till dd is old enough for me to do them sort of things with her

babyignoramus · 07/07/2008 09:13

Tellylie! - I love it, it's so true! I've been saying that for years and mine isn't even here yet.....

BecauseImWorthIt · 07/07/2008 09:17

Whst are you planning to do this weekend though? And have you thought about what she might want to do?

Not trying to have a dig at you, but it sounds like your plan (and limited budget) was for the 3 of you to just spend time together. She, not being a mum, is probably not expecting to have to sit around with a small child all weekend!

To make it work for all of you, you need to make sure that you both have the same expectations of the time you will be together.

Notanexcitingname · 07/07/2008 09:31

Not unreasonable to expect her to remember you have a child, but it's (sadly!) unreasonable to expect her to automatically understand the impications.

I sympathise though, I'm still somewhat pissed off with my friend who couldn't understand why I wouldn't go to her party when ds was 6 weeks old. With two hours notice

MsDemeanor · 07/07/2008 09:37

Same in books. Read an Alexander McCall book recently and the heroine had a young baby who did not interfere with her work (academic) her investigating a mystery painting which involved endless spontaneous travelling, nor her burgeoning love affair. A miracle!
Having said that, you are a bit unreasonable to expect a childless friend who doesn't see your child to factor him into your plans. People without kids tend not to do that.
I wouldn't suggest a family day out with other families though. That would be too much I think, and maybe rub her nose in her difference.

Oblomov · 07/07/2008 09:42

She doesn't have a clue. But then, how could she. I am sure I was the same with my bf.
LOL at RambleOn and the milk.
Are you sure you want her to come ?
Ahve you actually planned anything nice to do with her ?

BalloonSlayer · 07/07/2008 10:23

Wonderful Colditz!

Totally agree.

In fact I would go further and say that IMO this particular tellylie is one of the factors in our high teenage pregnancy rate. Girls watch EastEnders for years and then sincerely believe that babies can go Elsewhere when required while they continue live their lives as they please.

Mind you that argument would mean that teenage girls would believe that you would only get pregnant if you are not trying to, would book an appointment for an abortion only to change your mind at the last minute, put on no weight other than the bump and give birth in thirty minutes while the baby's father is stuck in traffic/has switched his mobile off so the baby has to be delivered by your worst enemy who then of course thereafter becomes your best friend...

DeeRiguer · 07/07/2008 10:28

tellylie..so true! lol
wheel them on wheel them off
oh if only..

Original poster
susia · 07/07/2008 22:44

well I have spoken to her, will try to get a babysitter for saturday evening so we can go out...but left it a bit late now and try to do some sightseeing with her that she might be interested in and my son won't be too bored.

So hopefully everyone will be happy. I did sound a bit stressed to her on the phone, been worrying a bit about it all to be honest.

OP posts:
Blondeshavemorefun · 07/05/2010 13:20

sure she didnt mean any harm,prob didnt think about needing a babysitter

maybe you can have a nice takeaway/meal from M&S for £10 on sat night and then go out together for a day out to park/feed ducks ie free

ifancyashandy · 07/05/2010 13:27

Colditz I *have to disagree with your comment about women without kids not liking kids! How on earth...?!?

I was (as I have said on here before) the last of my friends to procreate by a looooong chalk. I did and do like kids and would accomodate friends changing social life so I could see them.

Also, what about women who are TTC / unable to have kids / haven't met someone to make the babies with??

colditz · 07/05/2010 13:33

Well I was the first to procreate out of my peers , so my friends generally aren't wanting or liking or understanding children yet. When you're the last one to procreate, you know how you feel about other people's children. When you are the first to procreate, you know how other people feel about yours. Generally, they make 'observations' regarding supernanny, pat the child on the head, and invite you to an impromptu pedicure - as if you can do that with a 1 year old and a 4 year old in tow. They shudder and proclaim "Urghh. Boys are so loud" (as if girls are mobile Tiny Tears dolls)

They fail to realise that the children you see misbehaving at weddings and tantrumming in Sainsbo's are not the devil's own spawn - they're normal children.

Not all of them - like I said, some people really do get it and I suspect that a lot of this 'getting it' comes with age. I was 22 when I had ds1, so I was up against normal early 20's self absorbed women. In their thirties and forties, they'll probably be a good deal more patient and empathic whether they breed or not!

ifancyashandy · 07/05/2010 13:36

Glad you cleared it up - your earlier comment did seem as thought you thought all childless women hated kids (even ones you didn't know!), which came across as a tad judgemental. But glad you clarified!

pippop1 · 07/05/2010 13:51

This thread is really old. The child can probably ride now!

KERALA1 · 07/05/2010 13:56

Have read two books recently where the heroine has a baby but just takes it to work with her - in one case in an estate agents. She just tucked him under her desk and got on with the job. ha ha ha!

kickassangel · 07/05/2010 14:01

i'm so glad i grew up in the kind of family where there was always a LO around - i have 12 younger cousins - so i had a pretty good idea of what having kids meant. as soon as friends had kids we switched to day time meet ups & family activities, or we checked re babysitting first.

i think some kind of compromise is a good idea, e.g. a night out & day time activity. tbh, if the nearest riding place is an hour away, it's unlikely to happen anyway, even without a kid.

however, dd went riding last summer, age 5 (almost 6) & was fine - 3 hour trek through countryside, most of it without a being on a rope, so not too long before you can consider it, finances allowing.

estya · 07/05/2010 14:16

To be honest, that sounds like something i would have suggested without thinking it through.

Don't take it personally.

Morloth · 07/05/2010 14:28

um I have a couple of kids and wouldn't find that a weird question? Am I missing something?

ChippingIn · 07/05/2010 14:31

BLONDES!!!! How'd you dig this oldie up mate??

I wonder if Susia still posts here and if she will reveal her new name??

I wonder what they ended up doing that weekend and if they are still friends??

Reality · 07/05/2010 14:32

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