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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to refuse to look after my sisters dd when i have 2 small children of my own.

22 replies

charlotte121 · 05/07/2008 12:08

My sister is off to st pauls carnival... i would love to go but with a 1 year old and a 4 week old baby i dont think it would be a very safe or suitable place for them.
Anyhow it goes on into the late hours of the night and into tomorrow and so my niece needs babysitting. (Im staying with my mum atm after having dd.) My mum has offered to look after my niece but is starting work at 8 in the monring so somone would need to look after her untill the afternoon when my sister emerged from her alcohol induced coma to collect her.
Ds is isnt really sleeping atm as he is teething and with dd waking up for a feed every 2/3 hours in the night im not really getting much sleep. Having an extra child to contend with just seems like the route to disaster so i said i would be able to help... my sister blew her top and went on about how she looked after ds when i went into hospital to have dd but that would have only left her with 2 children.... i think i will go insain if i have to look after a 3yr old a 1 yr old and a newborn baby. am i being pathetic, afterall she did help me out with ds when i was in hosp... should i call her bk and offer to have my niece?

OP posts:

FAQ · 05/07/2008 12:10

YANBU - your DD is only 4 weeks old. If she was 4 months old it may be slightly different but at 4 weeks you don't need the extra stress of another child - and your body will still be recovering from the birth.

cornsilk · 05/07/2008 12:10

Your sister is being a princess. Who in their right mind would expect someone with a 4 week old baby to babysit for them? She will have to sort something else out.

ally90 · 05/07/2008 12:11

YANBU - do not call her back.

bohemianbint · 05/07/2008 12:11

YANBU - I was fit for nothing 4 wks after having DS!

SSSandy2 · 05/07/2008 12:13

But what was your mum thinking of? She's really put you on the spot

charitygirl · 05/07/2008 12:13

YANBU - your sister could EITHER not get so pissed and therefore not have a hangover and be fit to take over when your mum goes to work, or she could struggle through a hangover like the rest of the adult world.

cat64 · 05/07/2008 12:15

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Original poster

charlotte121 · 05/07/2008 12:21

i can understand her wanting a good night out.... she likes her jamaican men and the carnival only comes around once a year... to be fair she shouldnt have really asked my mum either, shes in the middle of radiotherapy treatment and is exhausted!
my nieces dad will be at the carnival too.... its like the jamaican celebration day in bristol.
i do agree cat64... the carnival is 2day, she should have arranged childcare weeks ago!

thanks for supporting me anyway.... she always tries to bully me into doing things and i didnt know if it was me or her being unreasonable.

OP posts:

lulumama · 05/07/2008 12:24

4 weeks post birth you should not be babysitting any one else's children !!

she should have sorted something out in advance

you should be being nurtured and looked after

hardly the same you needing childcare in labour with her wanting childcare to go out on the lash!

selfish girl

Ripeberry · 05/07/2008 13:09

Sorry, you're having a tough time, your sister is being very childish, is she 12 or something?
And in all of this where are the fathers?? are they off enjoying themselves as well?
There is NO WAY that you should be looking after an extra child, they should be looking after YOU!
Are there no other relatives that can help?, nice neighbours?
The weather is too rubbish for a carnival tbh!

Original poster

charlotte121 · 05/07/2008 13:23

my exp is off bouncing on his new blonde, big breated gf....
my nieces dad will probs be working at the carnival as he is a chef. will be doing jerk chicken and rice with peas drools
no one that can really help out, im hopefully going home tomorrow to my own flat so i willl get to have a rest then.

OP posts:

Original poster

charlotte121 · 05/07/2008 13:27

i am slighty jealous. would have loved to go to the carnival but a few years ago there was a shooting and a tidal wave of people ran up the street.... couldnt risk going with 2 tiny kids if theres a chance of something like that happening so i'll just sit in the garden and catch a few glimpses of the music in the breeze. Boooo hissss i bet theyre all having such fun!

OP posts:

Ivegotaheadache · 05/07/2008 13:43

She likes her Jamaican men...?

Anyway, why is she having radiotherapy? Does she have cancer?

Ivegotaheadache · 05/07/2008 13:47

Oh sorry, is it your mum who is having radiotherapy? Must read more carefully.

Well if your mum isn't well I don't think she should have asked her to babysit if she's not up to it, though would your mum have said yes if she didn't feel able?

Have you asked your sister what time she would be able to collect her child?
Can she come at 9, so you'd only have to do it for an hour (to keep the peace)

Tell her that normally you'd be happy to help, but you just can't cope at the moment, if your baby were older, no problem.

nametaken · 05/07/2008 17:15

YABU - keep them all safely in one room and the 3 year old will play with the 1 year old. Plenty of people have got 3 kids - it's not that much of a big deal.

greenelizabeth · 05/07/2008 17:17

You have enough on your plate. She should find a babysitter. NOT you.

DirtySexyMummy · 05/07/2008 17:19

YABU.

Why does your one year old wake up every 2-3 hours for a feed?

fawkeoff · 05/07/2008 17:22

YANBU....she could have sorted childcare out weeks ago, if she wants to go so desperately she can take her daughter for a few hours then go home.......this is the reality of being a parent.....and she is a cow for throwing in your face that she had your son while you were in hospital......you need to remind that you were having a baby, not getting shit holed at a carnival living it up......cheeky mare

cazzybabs · 05/07/2008 17:23

I think I would do it especially if it was only for a day. It will be fine.

cluckyagain · 05/07/2008 17:28

dirtysexy - the 4 week old is waking every 2/3 hrs, the one yr old isn't sleeping as teething.

Charlotte - it's difficult - on the one hand I can see why your sister is miffed because she helped you out at the birth and yes people do look after 3 lo's and 4 and 5 (been there, done that) blah, blah.....BUT SERIOUSLY (and that's as nice as I can get re: your sister's suggestion!) she needs to imagine the situation from your point of view. She has one child from the sound of it, has a nice social life which she likes to keep going and has tried to lend her child out to her mother (currently undergoin cancer treatment) and sister (stressed, knackered and generally needing help rather than the other way round) You are NBU!!

2point4kids · 05/07/2008 17:38

Yes plenty of people have 3 children but not just thrown in the deep end with it when the child is 3 years old!
Its like saying plenty of 16 year olds have babies so why cant x look after my baby all day? when x has no experience.

YANBU!

You have a 4 week old tiny baby who is up lots in the night and a teething 1 year old, of course you shouldnt be expected to babysit another child if you are not feeling up to it.

Original poster

charlotte121 · 05/07/2008 21:15

dirtsexymummy the newborn wakes up to feed everyfew hours... one yr old is teething so inst sleeping well at the monent.
I said very firmly no to her.... have been off cleaning my flat all afternoon as it is covered in dust from having the kitchen replaced, got home to my mums to find my niece already there. My mum didnt want to babysit either but my sister bullied her into doing it... she reckons my younger sister is going to get up with my niece at 7 in the morning... this is the younger sister who is a total nightmare, who cant get up in the mornings and was thrown out of school. who now has private tuition in the afternoons and cant even get up for that. Somehow i think muggins is going to end up doing it after all.
Just think im going to have to ignore my older sister for a while she doesnt understand the word no.

OP posts:

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