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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to not want to change nap time just because the inlaws are visiting!

15 replies

BuwchBywiog · 04/07/2008 21:05

My son who is nearly three has a congenital heart defect which leaves him breathless and tired at the best of times, his oxygen levels get low when he's tired and this in effect makes him a little s**t as he's so tired he doesn't know what he's doing. He needs his afternoon nap to stop him climbing the walls by evening!

AIBU to expect the inlaws who live roughly 60 miles away to make their visits around nap time rather than receiving phone calls the day before telling me that they will arrive at 2 o clock "He WILL be up won't he? We're coming especially to see him" they make me feel guilty for wanting the best for him, I'm sure they think I put him in bed just because they're coming ... their attitude is "Oh its only a hole in the heart he's fine ..." I wish it was as simple as that, his arteries are in the wrong place but there you go they won't listen to that either and tell people totally wrong facts about what is wrong with him. I feel its a battle of wills each time they visit. I don't want it to be like that but he's only in bed for 2 hours each afternoon is it too much to ask that they work around this?

Apologies for this turning into a bit of a rant!

OP posts:
constancereader · 04/07/2008 21:06

YANBU

What did you say to them?

DarthVader · 04/07/2008 21:07

Stick to your guns. They can spend some qualtiy time with their son before their grandson wakes up if need be.

HonoriaGlossop · 04/07/2008 21:22

YANBU! I was a total stickler for my ds' routine and he didn't have a nasty health issue like your little ds!! The long nap in the day was as you say, what kept him going happily until bedtime and I knew bedtime would be an absolute battleground if he didn't have it; some babies are just not 'easy come easy go' and they NEED their routines. I felt it was kinder to ds to keep it going. We once arrived at a family party and put him straight to bed in the spare room rather than join the party straight away - some no doubt felt we were way over the top but the thing is you know your own child.

And it's only a nap FGS; the GROWN UPS are the ones who can wait and work around things; babies can't!

tori32 · 04/07/2008 21:23

No YANBU at all! My dd1 is 2.5 and has no illness to contend with, but I still put her to bed for 2 hrs every PM and if people want to see her they have to work round it. The only exception are those people who truely can't see her often like my ex PILs, maybe once per yr iyswim and they live 5hrs away.

WinkyWinkola · 04/07/2008 21:26

Gawd. I think even if he didn't have a heart problem, YANBU.

Little soul, being breathless.

I find this sort of sentiment "He WILL be up won't he? We're coming especially to see him" utterly ridiculous, obsessive and childish. God forbid when I am a GP I put such pressure on my children. Pathetic.

GodzillasBumcheek · 04/07/2008 22:20

No YANBU, they are twits.

I hate the way some visitors in general expect to pass around children/babies like precious little dollies. I mean, FGS if they live so far away, does your DS even know them that well, and if that's the case, what sort of state is he likely to be in if he's feeling tired and breathless and these near total strangers turn up expecting him to perform...grrrr

Can you tell i had this with my DD (not ill, just young and needed naps) last Christmas?

ontheup · 04/07/2008 22:28

YANBU at all - DS needs his 2 hrs after lunch and he has no health probs but I will do almost snything to protect his sleep time - I agree that it is just kinder all round to do so - sounds like your ILs are not remembering that...stick to your guns and good luck

BuwchBywiog · 05/07/2008 19:27

Thank you everyone, I had started to convince myself that I was being unreasonable and feeling guilty but I kicked myself and thought NO I'M FLIPPIN WELL NOT and they can go jump, they are being pathetic and selfish and thats their problem not mine. His health comes first and if they don't like it they can go whistle. You've made me feel much better ... thank you xx

OP posts:
alicet · 05/07/2008 19:30

YANBU at all!

I am with the others who are also v protective of my boys sleeptimes both for them and for the break it gives me!

60 miles isn't so far. Tell them to drag their lazy areses out of bed and get there late morning in time to see them before he goes to sleep if it's that important to them

bozza · 05/07/2008 19:32

godzilla I think that a nearly 3yo child is likely to know grandparents who live 60 miles away. I think calling them "near strangers" is slightly overstating the case.

OP YANBU but I would try to work round it a little, maybe get him down as early as possible - so say he normally goes 1-3 I would aim for 12.30-2.30 so they would only have to wait 1/2 hour or so for him to wake up.

hotbot · 05/07/2008 19:45

op, do what is best for your oo...60 miles is just over an hr away - no big deal ,besides if yuo do a great meal for their arrival it will nearly take 2 hrs to eat and get sorted....
feck em yanbu

waitingtobloom · 05/07/2008 20:14

Not unreasonable at all. My mil and pil recently did this to me - insisting they were coming during nap time (why i dont know neither of them work and they drove themselves the 50 miles).

Due to being too exhausted to argue I gave in and kept him awake. He was "fine" - in the sense he was awake but was a handful and compltely hyper and kept head butting my bump my accident(and afterwards and for the rest of the day and night was a total nightmare leaving me incredibly pee'd off as I knew this would happen.

The most annoying part was they kept saying to him "see your mummy told us you'd be asleep but youre fine arent you" - over and over and over. How I didnt slap them I dont know...

GodzillasBumcheek · 05/07/2008 22:37

Bozza...aside from having no sense of distance (never having owned/lived in a family which owned a car, 60 miles is practically on the moon to me ), IME it depends how often they visit. My DDs did not remember their uncles or aunts from one visit to the next (a few months in between) until they were about 7! Maybe they have especially bad memories or something.

clam · 05/07/2008 22:47

I presume they're not coming just for 2 hours? In which case, surely it doesn't matter if he's asleep for part of it. Just say, "Sure, he'll be up, but not between x and y coz, as you know, he needs his nap around that time. You'll see him either side, however, and he'll be far nicer to know once he's refreshed." Or perhaps add, "would it suit you better to come either a little earlier or later?"

bozza · 06/07/2008 21:03

Sorry godzilla, I realise everyone's circumstances are different. I just know that my parents live 40 miles away on bad roads (so about 1.5 hours which is equivalent to the average 60 mile journey) and definitely my children knew them well by that age. Still agree with your main point.

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