to think my dp would not work away so soon after giving birth to twins?

[aprilgirl1]

i have a 22 month old and am due to give birth to twins in about 4 weeks dp works away as an electrician and usually works within the uk, but he has been offered a job in middle east (oman) in 5 weeks time.. . and he is actually going to go..... i give birth in 4 weeks ffs! he says he is going to try and delay them by a couple of weeks but considering that the babies probs will have to go to special care for a few weeks the likelyness is that he wont even see them home and if he does it wont be for long... amd i being unreasonable to think he could stay at home until i get over becoming a mum of 3 from a mum of 1??? so i am not speaking to him ( mature i know ) but i am so mad his responce to me not being happy was.... well we shouldnt have had kids then you knew my job could take me away!!!! FURIOUS!

am i right to be mad,, not just mad but terrified at the thought of being alone with 2 newborns and a toddler! x

no must admit when hes home i get lie ins he cooks he does bathtime, he's a great dad attentive towards me and ds i know hes just trying to provide for us ,,, im just terrified of babies coming and being on my own with out him ,

5 weeks on 5 weeks off!

My dp also has an obsession with being a 'good provider'. He works on a freelance basis too and I think it makes people insecure about when the next job is coming. But then, as I said in my earlier post, I lost the plot when he threatened to go away during the birth of our ds.

Are you a SAHM most of the time. I am, but recently I have been thinking of pursuing my former career in an attempt to help dp shoulder the psychological burden of being the breadwinner. (WE don't really need the money but dp seems to be weighed down with the pressures of the role.) Hopefully, if I'm working, he won't feel the need to take every bloody job that's offered him.

YANBU

if he's gonna help then you could defo do with him here.

tell him to agree to postpone the job till twins arrive. and ask him not to commit till you make sure babies and coming home, safe and sound with no problems.

he'll soon realise there's no way he can leave you on your own.

if he insists on going . you leave him to do the baths and bedtime on his own one night with the 3 kids. don't go far. i guarantee he'll call within 10 mins and admit it's physically impossible. begging you to come home!!

thanks for all your posts this all kicked off at about 5ish and hes never called or anything usually he calls a million times, im not calling him he really believes im in the wrong, going for a bath n an early night!!! xxxxx

I think the best thing you can both do is try and talk to understand each others perspective. If you say he is an attentive husband/dad then he is not running away from responsibility he obiovusly has some reason he feels he needs to do this. I had twins 12 years ago and had a 20 month old DS at the time so went like you from 1 to 3. It is emotional and physically tiring and I fully appreciate ideally you should share this time together. He must have a reason for his choice and I don't want to judge him but maybe he hasn't really thought through how he will feel when he see's his two children brought into the world, his emotions may elude him and he might be thinking he can easily go back to work when really once he see's them and you with them his instinct might click in that he needs to be with you.
I do hope you manage to talk as all this emotional worry is going to take its toll on you. I do hope you work things out I like to send you early wishes to say that I hope your delivery goes how you would like it to. All the best.

sounds like he is being lured in with the extra money.
can you say to him that you cannot cope on your own, end of discussion. He either stays and does his share or he pays for a maternity nurse to stay with you instead.
If he's earning all that money only to pay it out again to a maternity nurse, then he might have 2nd thoughts abut going!