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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To be grrrrrr about mums holidays "plans"

15 replies

iheartginashoes · 04/07/2008 07:12

Ok just need a different perspective...

Mum texts me last night "fancy going to Barcelona"

Half an hour later she rings (even though she knows its baby bed time) and says we are thinking of going in Dec for her dp's birthday, staying in same apartment they have stayed in before and are going to invite my sis and her boyf too.

Now in theory it sounds like a nice idea, ask dp he says "no" so I leave it for a wee while.

Mum texts again to say they have booked their flights and apartment.

Now thinking about/talking to dp some more and looking at flights.. we have the following problems

dp is self employed - cant really afford to take 2/3 days off in dec aswell as xmas leave

No cheap flights from where we live - £250+ minimum

Not really sure that an 18 month old will appreciate being dragged to Barcelona for 3 days - hassle of flights/not a huge amount for him to do

But the main problem is that I know that when I tell her that we dont fancy it that there will be a fall out - tbh if she had wanted us all to go away then it would have been nice if we had all sat down together and discussed times/places/accomodation/or even if we actually wanted to go, before mum booked it? Is that unreasonable?

Feel better now....Although still havent told her...

OP posts:
KnickersOnMaHead · 04/07/2008 07:13

Message withdrawn

iheartginashoes · 04/07/2008 07:14

I still think there will be a fall out... she is expecting us to go...

OP posts:
kittywise · 04/07/2008 07:17

I think you are right.

She hasn't behaved like someone who cares about your needs or desires.

Your description of her possible response makes her come across as a selfish petulant child.

She should have 'sat down' with everyone and discussed dates etc so that everyone involved was happy and any compromises needed had been made. But perhaps she did what she did so that she wouldn't have to compromise and could do whatever she wanted.

You'll need to stand your ground.

KnickersOnMaHead · 04/07/2008 07:19

Message withdrawn

BouncingTurtle · 04/07/2008 07:24

Yep I'm in agreement with the other posters, you'll just have to deal with the fallout.
Thing is if you do go and things go pearshaped (which it sounds like it will do, with dp resentful of missing valuable working days and you struggling to keep your dc entertainedm so you won't really enjoy yourself) then they'll probably fall out there. Better to have it here than in Barcelona!

AbbeyA · 04/07/2008 07:28

If she expected you to go you needed to get together first to discuss it. You will just have to tell her that you can't manage it, but that you will try and go another time but you need more discussion first.

Hecate · 04/07/2008 07:32

So there'll be a fallout. So what? If she can't respect you as an independent adult with the right to make your own decisions and just expects you to fall into line with everything she says, then a holiday is the LEAST of your problems with her!

iheartginashoes · 04/07/2008 07:38

I know you are all right - I guess I just needed it confirming

OP posts:
lizziemun · 04/07/2008 07:46

I would say your sorry, but you can't afford it.

I mean for you it not just the cost of flight and accomadation/food. You are also losing 3 days pay as your dh is self employed so doesn't get holiday pay and with christmas just around the cornor then money just isn't there.

If she sulks then let her, she have to learn that you now have other pirorities (sp) then her and her dp.

dilemma456 · 04/07/2008 09:35

Message withdrawn

Blu · 04/07/2008 09:40

IME 18m is the worst age for city breaks unless you have a rare 'push chair potato' child.

But if you wanted to go, couldn't you go without your DP?

But just explain, with regret.

beaniesteve · 04/07/2008 09:41

Tell her you can't afford it.

Kimi · 04/07/2008 09:53

iheartginashoes on Fri 04-Jul-08 07:14:48
I still think there will be a fall out... she is expecting us to go...sad

If she really expeted you to go then she should have given it a bit more planning.
I think your reasons for not being able to go are valed and if she can not see that she is the one with the problem

nervousal · 04/07/2008 10:11

Agree with posters above - but one thing - Barcelona is a great city for kids IMO - lots of things to see, parks etc and very family friendly. We had dd there when she was bout 2 - and she loved it - going back next week!

posieflump · 04/07/2008 10:36

why don't you go on your own with your toddler and dp can carry on working?

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