To be worrying about my 12 year old sister - and editing what I tell our mum?

[TheDevilWearsPrimark]

We are really close, so she confides in me. She told me she properly kissed a boy at school last week and is 'in love' they hold hands at lunch time and such.

She linked me to his myspace page, he's in a band (bless) and looks lovely.

My worry is one of her friends who has always been a bit of 'tearaway' has told her she needs to 'get properly off with him' or he'll 'dump her'. Another friend also told her she needs to buy a padded bra. She is worrying now and for various reasons is quite vulnerable and suggestible.

My mum knows that she has her 'first love' but none of the details.

what is the boy like and how old?

If it were your 12 year old DD, wouldn't you want to know? I think you should tell your Mum in as calm and "don't panic but..." a way as you can, and then maybe have a chat with your sister together - as a united front you will have much more impact than the dodgy-sounding friend.

Keep on being a supportive and sensible big sister.
I had friends who were tearaway types, who wanted me to "lose the big V" but I stuck to my guns and did what I wanted to/felt comfortable with. Trust your sister, it does sound normal 12 yr old behaviour.

I would keep on editing the info on your sister, tbh, she trusts you and you don't want to lose that.

I would strongly suggest to your mum that she not speak to this 'friend' anymore.

It seems your sis is enjoying a fairly innocent and lovely first relationship and this friend is putting pressure on your sister.

I would encourage your mum to talk to your sis and get her to add in a round about way 'and what does your friend think of all this, has she had a boyfriend or given you any advice...'

Hopefully then your mum can tell your sis how WRONG the friend is!

He's just turned 13, plays guitar, looks lovely, from the one photo I've seen.

But his 'bandmate' on myspace has a photo of him called 'all bondaged up' , christ on a bike, the age of innocence is gone.

Sorry massive x posts, I was just replying to 2shoes.

litterbug, my mum knows this friend is an issue but try telling an almost 13 year old not to be friends with someone, it's a battle you've already lost.

Be a good friend to your sister and, if you do tell your mum, make her swear on her life she won't let on... My much-younger sister used to trust us grown up big sisters but would have stopped telling us anything if we had gone to her mum (my step-mum).

I bet your sister looks up to you so you are the perfect person to listen and nudge her in the right direction. She'll probably pay more attention to you than she would to her own mother, as she's about to turn into a teenager (am planning to point ds in the direction of my sister when he's at that age).

You don't have to tell her not to be friends, but you could suggest her friend is a little bit silly occasionally - do you have any previous examples you can draw on? Or have a chat about how some people worry about things and project those worries onto other people?

Don't tell your mum but use your close relationship to guide your sister through this.

Re the age of innocence, from what I've seen of my boys and all their myspace/msn stuff, there's a lot of 'stuff' bandied around, and I'm sure they don't really know what half of it means, never mind that they will actually be doing any of it!

chances are the boy is as inocent as her. could you not just give her a good chat about waiting untill she is ready/older.

As a big sister (with a fairly large age gap - 12 years between us) I wouldn't tell your mum. Firstly, if I remember anything about being 12, I'd say she's more likely to be guided by you (person she trusts, thinks is worldy-wise, has chosen to confide in) than her mum (fuddy-duddy, out of touch, doesn't understand her ).

The brilliant thing is that she's telling you what the 'tearaway' says - so you can counter it/help her think for herself. If you loose that link (I'd be nervous that your mum would, albiet unwittingly, let on that you'd told), you might stop hearing these things.

I wouldn't try and control her friends - impractical and counter-productive imho - but I would try and make sure she's hearing alternative voices.

Ahhh, first love - he sounds sweet!

Bollocks, actually that was a bit mean of me of copy and paste that. Poor Boy.
I'll ask for it to be deleted

I agree with funnypeculiar