to think that we're more "precious" about the way we bring up our kids than our parents/grandparents were

[MmeBovary]

Bored this afternoon and been thinking about a couple of posts yesterday - the relative dangers of eating chips and childcare vs SAH decisions and I thought - just we don't worry about all this stuff too much? I'm sure our parents never angsted so much about little things.

For example, I was brought up on a council estate, by FT/PT working parents. Both myself and sister were put in p/t childcare at least some of the time, but I don't really remember much about it. We weren't played with much, just left to entertain ourselves. No Cbeebies, no videos and DVDs... Our clothes and toys were often 2nd hand or handmade, though Xmas was always magical. I'd have loved ballet lessons or a pony but no money for such things- also few trips out and even fewer holidays. Pack lunches considered of sandwich spread sarnies with a club biscuit and a packet of crisps. We were routinely fed pot noodles and sausages & spaghetti hoops and it was a treat to be sent to the chip shop for chips and "scraps". DM wouldn't recognise hummus and pitta bread if it hit her in the face [simle]....Pocket money was spent on pick and mix and kiora, and we wandered for miles around from an early age with no one worrying. Noone checked to see you'd brushed your teeth for 2 minutes and bathnight was Sunday. We were brought up quite strictly with the odd slap on the back of the legs but were impressed upon as to the value of education and were always read to every night. And we were loved....I think my (pretty average 70s)childhood was great and hope dd has the same - though oh the difference between then and now, though she is fortunate to get mostly new stuff and a healthier diet and probably more attention than me - and we are lucky that we can manage an afterschool activity and a holiday most years.

So, sorry - I've gone on a long time - if I haven't bored everyone to death with my nostalgia... AIBU to think we worry too much about kids these days, and everything they see, do, eat etc - when we grew up perfectly OK (well mostly anyway

yes poor availability of research about nutrition etc meant parents did not ask those questions, so actually asking is a good thing

my mum added salt to all our meals and baby food too.
we drank day glo squash by the litre
mum smoked and drank pg

the ole days weren't necessarily better

great thread was wondering the other day if i should "do" more with 10 mo dd and just looked at her as she was happily pootling around floor eating fluff (crap hoover)and thought she's happy & healthy top panicing

was also thinking must not criticise must be positive parent and yes i will try this but then hmm she will need to learn to cope with the real world and that is where the protective/ element is taking precedence

media has a part to play but these days no one seems to want to take responsibility so do we overcompensate by over thinking over researching and finding someone to blame when things go wrong

i do miss common sense i find myself doubting my abilities so much as a new mum things that would never phase me now shake me to the core at times but that is my new role

I've thought about this before, and I agree with a lot of what other people here have said. I think there possibly WAS the same number of paedophiles etc, but I think that the internet has made them bolder and more likely to act, as they can feed off each other and reassure themselves they are normal (btw, I am in no way neurotic about paedophiles- it is way down on my worry list, but it has crossed mind, that's all!)

When I was little in the 70s and used to go out to play before mum was up, she didn't worry because she knew there were lots of people who would look out for me. If you were upset, an adult would come to see why. If you were lost an adult would bring you home. If you fell over and hurt yourself an adult would patch you up and bring you home. If you were misbehaving, an adult would tell you off. But now adults are terrified to approach kids. My dad adores his grand-daughters but hates the looks he gets when he takes them anywhere, especially if he has to take them to the toilet. I know a lot of older guys who walk their dogs at the park, and they say they wouldn't even intervene if they saw a child fall in a busy road, because of the possible ramifications.

I would love to give my kids more freedom, but who would they find to play with?? Also, if anything did happen, the media would be on you like a flash, decrying you as the worst mother in the world, having you judged and criticised as you dealt with your tragedy. It's not worth the grief, sadly.

Also , I do sometimes wonder wrt modern parenting. Obviously we don't smack now- it is just not done. But I sometimes wonder why kids are growing up with such low self esteem these days, despite being told they are the centre of the universe and never had a finger laid on them. I do sometimes wonder if the way it was when I was a kid- you were warned, you had to push it, you got a smack, you cried at the injustice, but that was it. you got a cuddle and it was done- was more harmful than nowadays when we labour the point to very young children about what they did wrong, how it made the other person feel, how it made mummy sad, how we are disappointed etc etc. I do sometimes think that might be somehow more psychologically damaging, and I wouldn't be surprised if it turned around again, and our kids are telling us "No, mum! We don't talk to our kids about what they've done wrong!! Do you want to damage them? WE gove them a little smack, like this!"

We're all so busy tryiong to make sure our kids get the best possible upbringing they can have. But, yeah, I ate sweets at times, and drank fizzy drinks. But it was offset by the fact that I was outside running about most of the day, and happy. I do think there is something to be said for nostalgia!

ScottishMummy - I would never describe my upbringing as idyllic - I think it was great under the circumstances but I never fulfilled my ambitions to be one of the Famous Five or go to boarding school I consider it, as I said to be pretty "average".

I certainly agree with the new SIDS advice (and it's good that we have less chemicals in food too) science has moved on over the last 30 years and I am not a luddite. But with regards to the rest ...kids were all much better behaved at school, I never heard of ADD til I was an adult. They weren't all fat. They did not bring weapons to school and use them on other pupils. Bullying was dealt with. Sports had winners AND losers. Teachers were respected.

I'd really like to hear about the Dodgy TV programmes though - do you mean Captain Pugwash?

Sorry FairyMum/Expat - I've got confused - it is past my bedtime . I must admit that I was looking for a really heated debate and thought that this might be more interesting tban Brad Pitt vs George Clooney - who would you sh*g? My answer is that if me and Angelina could swap places (after childbirth obviously) me and DH would be very happy

i think that the extra knowledge we have over food is both a good and a bad thing! i know i stress about feeding my dds the right things so much that i have a two week menu planned for them especially and have actually gone through it and counted how much fruit and veg,protien,calcium etc they have!!! and i get really annoyed with myself when its deviated from!! like today. though my dd2 thouroghly enjoyed the turkey dinosuars she was fed by my nan with her smiley faces and spaghetti!! she even ate them in garden....off the grass where they had fell when she decided she needed a trampoline break (i made sure that she had an extra banana to make up for the fact that she had missed out on the salad things she was meant to have)

i can remember going long bike rides with my bf. we werent in secondary school so were younger than 11 and we had packed lunches with us so it was clear that we were able to be out most of the day! im not sure if we were 'allowed' to go where we did but can remember riding to the local beach for our picnic then to a village near us and afterwards we wondered if we rode through the farmers fields we would end up in the next town, so we decided to try!! we got lost so we didnt make it to the next town but we did find a helpfull farmer who pointed us in the right direction to our home town!! and showed us his cows! i cant imagine giving my dds so much freedom at that age that they could be in another town and i wouldnt even know about it! but i know that my friend and i loved it and had great times riding about places on our bikes!

i dont think that society has neccessarily gotten more dangerous, but i agree with the media points made on here and that we seem to care more about what others think of our parenting skills.

even my mum is more preciuos with her gc's than she was with us. she firmly believes that if i take my dds abroad next year they have a high chnace of being kidnapped! especially dd1 as she is blonde!

Ok then... Does anyone else do things which they feel slightly uncomfortable with, just to prove to themselves that they are not an airy fairy helicopter mum?

I let DD go down the front path by herself (crawling) and only go and pick her up when she gets onto the pavement and goes down the road a bit.

If she's in her pushchair when we leave the house and I realise I've forgotten something I will go inside to get it and leave her in the pushchair while i get it.

Maybe it's just me? I just don't want to be a mother who has a knee-jerk media led attitude to risk.

Today was nice. DD was walking (wobbly) down the road with me holding her hand. My front door was open. We turned and a severe looking elderly lady was coming down the road. I tried to smile at her but she looked away.

When she reached us though, suddenly it was, oooh hello are you having a little walk, you're very grown up, have you been to the post box etc.

I think most people want to be nice to children, they are terrified of what people will think though.

I vote for being friendly to people and encouraging DC to do the same. Goodwill towards mummys and children hasn't gone, people are just scared, and I personally like the feeling of letting an elderly person chuck my DD's cheek. It really makes their day.

PS I had an excellent radar about people with dodgy intentions, I still do, and intend to give DD the same radar skills

Shitemum on Thu 03-Jul-08 21:46:49
"I feel sorry for DD1 when she's watching the old Pippi Longstocking series filmed in the 1960's and Pippi and her friends just spend the whole time roaming the countryside with no adults telling them what to do. Maybe we all idealise our childhoods but we were freer then than children are now..."

Pippi Longstocking is a Swedish character. I think if you go to Sweden today you will find that things haven't changed that much.

My nephew is in many ways a PFB, but when he got bored with the after-school club at age 9 his parents were perfectly happy for him to come home and fix his own tea and spend the afternoon playing in the garden or cycling the streets until Mum came home from work a few hours later. This is in a large city and would not be considered out of the way by most people there.

We spend the summer hols in Sweden and people would think it very odd if I didn't let dc's go to the beach with a group of friends once they are 9-10 yrs old and confident swimmers.

My Mum was very worried that ds wasn't walking to school on his own every day when he was 7; she was afraid it would have a negative impact on his self-confidence.

I think you would find the same in many parts of the Continent. It is the UK that has changed most drastically in the last 20-30 years.

Yes we are.

And it does no-one any good in the long run. We run the risk of ending up with demanding adults with an overinflated sense of their own entitlement and a diminished sense of everyone else's .

I am a bit amazed that a few posters seem to believe that children with broken limbs are a thing of the past. Mine have both had broken arms - DD2 was only just out of plaster when DD1 broke hers. Many of their friends have had broken limbs too. Maybe you just don't notice them because once the plaster cast is on they are sent to bed for 6 weeks until they have recovered

Yeah, I wondered about the broken arms. But one difference from the past is that the hospitals use plaster a lot less: many fractures that would have been in a plaster case 20 years ago are taped now and the patient sent home on crutches the same day.

I'm afraid I can remember being on the receiving end of quite a bit of bullying 25-30 years ago. My little brother who is 8 years younger was too. The schools did nothing about it, when I got help it was from friends, or later, a group of people who decided to take me under their wing.

We played out a lot and learned to walk around and use public transport independently, but I think that was as much about being brought up in the inner city. I met people later whose experience was very different because they were brought up outside smaller towns and in commuter villages.