to be pissed off with dp because he is sulking like a teenager

[Carmenere]

I have been away on a work trip, dp has been looking after dd. I came in last night, he was watching tv, I kissed him, asked him how he was, asked about dd, looked around the sitting room for the post. I tried to make small talk with him but he was watching tv, so I switched on the computer to check email ect. I was a bit hurt because he didn't even ask me how I was or how the trip went.
He then had a go at me about how rude I was to not talk to him and how I didn't want to be there, just on my fancy work trip on the piss with my friends
He stormed off to bed. This morning I took dd to school and arranged to go for a coffee with him, he kept me waiting for 40 minutes, came in to the cafe, had a go at me about last night and so I just walked out. He has just come home for lunch - same bloody argument

Imo he is being really, bloody childish and paranoid. I have done NOTHING wrong yet he is giving me grief because he feels some imagined slight

He is stressed because of work atm but I have been vv supportive of him. Believe me, I put up with a load of shit from him on a regular basis and I do not feel that going on a work trip(which is admittedly fun) is some thing that I have to eat dirt for just because he is feeling emotionally fragile. So AIBU in NOT ameliorating him and massaging his ego and apologising just so there isn't a bad atmosphere in the house?

I'd say no.

But I'd be prepared for a lot of people to be a bit more wifely than me

Tell him to grow up and get over himself

Is he jealous?

Yes he may well be jealous but he is 50, he should be able to handle it.

50? God...tell him to grow up and do not bend in anyway to his childishness

How long were you away for? Did you keep in touch with him while you were away?

If you did then I think he's being an arse. I'd just tell it to him straight that you won't be emotionally blackmailed by him.

YANBU.
I'd do the apology sandwich though.

I was away for two nights, I spoke to him at least three times a day, I stayed up late partying one of the nights, I didn't do anything I shouldn't have, I have been straight with him. Should I have lied and said I didn't stay up late?

What is the apology sandwich?

I'd wait for him to apologise.

Apologise, tell him he's a twat, apologise.

Say what you really mean, but in the middle of two apologies.

Then you feel better for telling him he's behaving like a twat but still have the moral high ground because you've apologised.

But apologise for what? I haven't done anything?

And make sure you emphasise the apology is for this imagined slight, that you don't even think you did.

My dh goes away with work and there are times I resent that, but I would never take it out on him upon his return.

He comes back tired because of travelling and long days put in to keep the trips as short as possible. I am tired when he gets back as I tend to try and be superwoman while he's away so we are not spending precious weekends doing farking housework. Both of us tend to think we have more right to be tired than the other.

YANBU, he is being childish, if he is tired and/or jealous then he shouldn't be taking it out on you.

Ok well the work thing he has been stressed about seems to have been resolved just now so he is in a better mood and I congratulated him and hugged him. I will leave it for now and hope that things improve without any more confrontation. He won't apologise to me though, he never does which is something I hate but at least there won't be a bad atmosphere.

Say 'I understand that your behaviour has been so horrible because you are upset with me for going away, but you didn't raise any objections at the time and so I am quite upset by the way you have treated me since I have come back. I have not done anything wrong so if you are capable of talking to me calmly about why you have been behaving like this then I'd be happy to discuss it with you properly' or something?

My dh is just like that Carmenere - and I'm not in paid work at the moment. I do some voluntary work and so on and I don't expect him to help out much at home but he seems to resent any time I have to go out at the evening or weekend. Did a fundraising thing last weekend and arranged my involvement so I was around for dinner & bedtime so he really wasn't affected much (unless having sole charge of his own children is an inconvenience ) but I he had the sulks too when I got back....

Don't know how he is going to cope when i do go back to work (which he keeps urging me to do...)!