to not take this job............

[youcannotbeserious]

............ OK, I SOOOOO don't want to start a whole SAHM / WOHM thread.....

But... (oh, there's always a but isn't there!)

I gave up work to have DS (literally worked until the DAY before!!!). The intention was always for me to go back 'at some point' - I was working on a contract when I found out I was PG and the contract was cancelled so I have to find a new job....

DS is now 6 weeks old and I've been offered the 'perfect' job. They are happy for me to start in September.

I should be over the moon, but I'm not. I really don't want to go back to work in the same industry as I was in before, as it's not child friendly, very male dominated and very little chance of home working / flexitime etc., so DS would have to be in a nursery FT...

We really don't need the money (it's a nice to have, and because I've always worked IYSWIM) and I would prefer to stay home with DS and (maybe!) retrain or do something part time, even if it's something I'm hideously over qualified for...

So, what do you think? DH says it's my call.

Part of me thinks I should earn my own living, but the other half desperately wants to stay at home with my son..........

AIBU to just stay at home with DS for a while?

YANBU.

Stay at home a while, until you're ready to return to work/find something you want to retrain for.

I work in a totally male dominated industry, very, very non-child friendly. But, I love my job, and I earn good money.

YANBU if that is what you want. You can always go back into the industry in a year or two (or more) if that is what you want.

You do what you think will make you happy, as ultimately a happy mother makes a happy child.

Thanks...

DSM - I am really confused... I LOVE being with my son all day every day (but he's only 6 weeks old so this might ware off!! I've had a few friends who were keen to go back after a few months) and this opportunity won't come up again (or is unlikely to, IYSWIM)

And, though I say we don't need the money, I've never not earned (so never had to 'ask' to spend money). My DH never restricts what I spend, but will question it... like 'did we really need that' 'what are you going do with that' 'it was HOW much?' - YOu see what I mean, and I am not sure how I feel about that, to be honest...

Though, I suppose in my heart, I know I'm going to turn it down, because I can't face leaving DS just yet.......... I suppose I just want / need someone to tell me it'll be OK if I turn down a (well paying) job for which I'm totally qualified and would do well (and most probably enjoy)

I wish I hadn't been offered it!!

unfortunately no magic answer - no one way is the right way despite what anyone here tells you (and oh boy some of them will tell you)

pragmatically you decide dont let a bunch of anonymous strangers slug out a Sahm/working debate

congratulations on baby boy

understandable to want to be with your son
you say it stack's up financially to SAHM.
will you miss your work?
will you be bored SAHM
are you willing to return to work.
can you resume career
could you have some mat time off and delay decision
what do you want to retrain as, is this viable with a baby
nursery is no bad thing (despite what people here will tell you) and all the "research" and horrific anecdotal tales of nursery
SAHM is also viable fulfilling option

oh thing is whatever works for you

some folk love SAHM
some folk love working

they all have their merits

hope you are happy whatever you decide

It's totally OK to turn down a job that you're not sure of!!

The 'formative' years are the most important and if you are in the position where you can spend that time with your child then it would be great if you did! I'm jealous!!!!!

Another job will come along when YOU want it to. Good luck!!x.

BEar in mind that this is not the only job offer that will ever come your way. Your DS is only 6 weeks old (congratulations BTW) so motherhood is very new to you: FFS maternity leave is 6 months to a year. Tell yourself you will reassess how you feel in (say) 6 months time and then at the end of the year, and if you feel inclined, keep up to date with your career ie read trade press, chat occasionally to sympathetic colleagues. What is important is what suits you and your family.

i think that with a six week old baby, you are in the wrong place to be making such a decision. youve barely recovered from the birth. in the normal course of events, youwould stilll be on maternity leave in september,

Good point stitch!

Can you 'sit' on it a bit? when I had my dd (my first) my mat leave was 3-4 months and by that time I was ready to go back, I'd got my head around it and accepted that was what I needed to do, however, when numbers 2 and 3 came along, i knew what I was missing and wanted to be home as much as poss, it's totally individual and totally YOUR choice, I suppose the biggie here is, you don't Have to...

Thanks Guys.

No, I'm afraid I can't stall any longer. I have to tell them tomorrow if I want the job and to mess them about wouldn't be fair.

I already know I can't accept this job. Financially, I wouldn't be left with much more than pocketmoney after I'd sorted childcare, dog walkers, travelling costs....

I just needed to get that straight in my head.

Thanks, YCBS

Pocket money is OK though surely for a few years at lease? I don't get pocket money and I work three nights a week in a job I detest!!!!

Sorry, that's not as bitter as it sounds!!! Good luck, it'll come right for you, and as others have said, another job will come along, surely, the 'perfect' job also has to come at the 'perfect' time?