To ask thoughts on DS paying rent?

[Chocbuttonsandredwine]

I’ll try and keep it brief with a bit of a brain dump. I’m genuinely asking for people’s thoughts as I don’t really have anything to compare to.

it’s just me and DS 19, his dad and I are divorced: He paid maintaince until he was 18.

DS has an apprenticeship but is earning good money (£29k plus travel and other extras). I earn well (low 6 figures) but have a mortgage etc so although am comfortable I’m not bathing in champagne 🙂

DS is still living at home, I give him food to take for lunch (M&S ready meal plus toastie plus snacks) and make his dinner. He works hard and is out of the house for 13 hours a day so I don’t mind too much:

Curently he pays for his own car and insurance but other than that nothing else. He is out every weekend both nights in town, hugs, etc and is probably spending a fortune I’ve tried to encourage him to save/LISA/ pension etc but I don’t really know whether he has or not.

it’s getting to a point where he is constant me a fortune in food, increased council tax and bills, and he’s out living his best life possibly spending every penny he has on drinks and taxis and such like. Which is fine, in a way but also i genuinely don’t have the disposable income that he has every month and it’s staring to make me think that he should be paying rent

I probably could afford to save it for him, and would lie to do that, but the bigger reason is trying to encourage him to save a little and be a bit more responsible with money before it gets out of hand.

I reckon he gets around £2400 after tax every month. Car plus insurance is £600. He has no other bills.

thoughts? I was kinda thinking £500 but can’t see him being happy. We have a good relationship and I don’t want to spoil that but also I want to bring him up to be a decent human being, and at the moment he contributes nothing 😂

Definitely get him to buy his own food, and he should be paying half of electric, gas, water, broadband and council tax.
He doesn't need to contribute towards the mortgage as that's your asset, but everything else should be split 50/50. Show him the bills so he can see where you have got the amount from, that it's not random. He should also be setting up a direct debit into savings of at least 500 a month. Then probably 500 to you, that still leaves him over 1k of fun money.

I do question if he is coming out with that much per month after tax though. I come out with similar, but my salary is quite a bit more than his.

I think I would say 250 without food, 450 with food and see what he says - I would save at least 200 a month for him

If you are taking rent only to save it for the young adult, please be aware there are much better tax efficient ways to save money for an 18-40 year old.

A LISA currently allows £4,000 to be saved each year and the tax man adds £1,000 for free. Interest goes on the lot each year. If you've found anything better, let me know.

My DS earns about £27k basic (but does take over time when he can). He pays his own car, insurance and phone. We buy the normal weekly shop which he is welcome to make sandwiches, take lunch from the cupboards etc but if he wants meal deals etc he buys them himself. He pays £50 a week but has suggested that goes up when he gets his next rise in April. Every couple of weeks he will order take away for us and often brings treats home.

We used to save the money but since our mortgage and bills have increased, we do tend to use it towards bills now (but not 6 figure earners our selves!)

I’m in a not dissimilar position and I’m asking myself the same question. DS in 19 but does not earn as much as yours.

That said he has saved 13k in a year and paid for himself when he went travelling to Australia for 2 months. It doesn’t make any difference to my own financial situation but it makes it less frustrating as I know he’s saving and not spending it all.

I’m also a single parent and have a mortgage and earn less than you so things are tight. I am considering the same.

My thoughts were 400 or so a month and trying if I can to put half of that away for him.
Obviously it would be nice to charge 500 and put the whole lot away but my only real objective (as he’s a good saver anyway) would be to help me with the costs of running the house.
I can see why you would have a real motivation to do it and I think you should.

As others have said, there is no way he’d be paying that little rent elsewhere - but it’s his family home so I don’t think he should be paying as much as he would elsewhere. But something yes. And it would unknowingly force him into saving some money.

I would save at least 200 a month for him

I think it's infantilising to do this. It's not teaching the young man to take responsibility for his own financial affairs, and if/when he finds out, he'll think 'oh so she didn't actually need the money' so he hasn't learned anything about budgeting or the cost of running a household.

I think I'd say he needs to buy his own lunch. Then that's already taking £100+ I suspect off your costs and encouraging him to be a bit more responsible for himself. I also think the £500 is reasonable and I'd save some to maybe give to him later (or just save for yourself) or you could do £400 plus the lunches and that would end up similar I suspect.

He needs to pay for his own food and groceries and contribute to bills, council tax etc. Wouldn't charge rent but strongly suggest he pays into a LISA and make sure he is paying into his workplace pension.

Why on earth are you buying M&S ready meals for your adult son? Of course you should charge him rent, he needs to learn what responsibility is. I hope to god he's doing his own laundry and a fair share of the cleaning and cooking.

Don't say its rent as you are also feeding him, but have a discussion about splitting the bills, especially for food and utilities.

His car insurance is £600 a month? £7200 a year?

You need to change your thinking : your relationship now is more like housemates than Mum/Son. I’ve had 2 adult kids come back from Uni (and now gone!) and these things helped:

1. stop catering / laundry. Make space in the fridge and freezer and a Cupboard in the kitchen and he caters for himself.
2. stop any laundry service, and insist he keeps his own spaces clean (bedroom, bathroom)
3. make him pay 50% of his take home pay into a savings account / ISA. This is the most important thing. It means he will not get used to an unrealistic amount of “fun” money (most YP will end up spending 50% of pay on housing) and will provide a nice nest egg to use to move out. Insist you see the standing order on his bank statement.