To regret having my second child

[anoldbird]

I do love them but my god I have made my life miserable.

They are rude to me, constantly do things to make life hard for me (throwing clean folded laundry everywhere; constantly opening toilet doors when I’m trying to use the toilet) I get she won’t be thinking consciously about it like that but it’s so draining. Attempts to correct her and she just screams NO at me.

I have obviously assumed it’s my parenting and maybe it is but the strategies I’ve read about don’t work.

I wish I’d just stuck with one, I really do.

That sounds very hard. It WILL get better though!

How old are the two children you have?

Another asking how old. Sit and do something they like with them and try and just chat and chill, I know you love her but you have to start loving spending time with her too!

Unless they are toddlers,that behaviours not on AT ALL. Sorry OP :( Are u the main caregiver?Are they at school/nursery.

Well I agree it isn’t on but I have nothing I can really do about it. I know that sounds really weak but seriously I have read the books and sought advice and it’s still happening, she just doesn’t give a shit! She’s 3 and the older one is 7.

You’re honestly in the trenches. Mine are 10 and 14 now, I really enjoy them but it’s not been plain sailing!

I think you can love your children deeply and still feel that having another has made life much harder than you expected. Parenting can be relentless, especially when you feel like you're constantly dealing with challenging behaviour and getting no breathing space. Please don't blame yourself for feeling this way. It doesn't make you a bad mum.

Sounds like most 3 year olds. It’ll get better.

God I really hope so. I feel like a completely shit ineffective parent. All I hear is ‘oh she knows her own mind’ which I know is code for ‘she’s a rude little shit!’

We were laughing today about my son who out of the blue pointed at a sloth at the zoo and shouted as loud as he could ‘look at that dick head up there’. We were mortified. He’d never said it before, and hasn’t again thankfully! But I did wonder that day WTAF I was doing with my life whilst wondering round in the bloody rain with a foul mouthed child.

He’s a lovely boy now 😂

Likely just a stage and will pass. Will get a lot easier once both in school.

I hope so. I feel like I’ve been waiting for it to get better for years and it hasn’t!

You need to bookmark this thread so you’re not tempted to have another hideous creature when this one inevitably grows out of its crap 😉

Too old anyway and single haha so not happening.

In all seriousness I am not sure which part of this is supposed to be enjoyable 😭 the first gets no quality time or attention while the second drains the living breath out of me.

Honestly I feel for you. I’ve two pretty much the same age. We’re really struggling with our 3 year old and our friends who have a three year old are going through similar.

She’s the sweetest kid, but the emotional meltdowns is a lot and sometimes we feel like we’re threading on eggshells.

But I know it’s just a faze and things will get better, meanwhile that doesn’t make it easy in the moment. Have you tried removing things she likes, screen time, toys etc?

What a response 😲

I regretted having two when my second was young. Now I’m so glad I have them both. They do get better as they get older, and three is a challenging age. The second is a real shock to the system for a long time, but it does stabilise.

It will get better, OP. My second was WAY harder work than my first. It made me feel really angry. I think he was just so so different to me, as a personality, it also took me longer to understand him. I read The Book You Wish Your Parents Had Read by Philippa Perry, which helped me, but may or may not he useful to you .
i really felt personally attacked by my younger one’s behaviour, when that just wasn’t the case. It’s so hard . Empathy

I loved my kids at this age... teenagers are not so fun...

Most 3 year olds don’t give a shit 😂 it sounds like you had a very easy first child. It’s tough when it’s that way around as you think you’re a great parent then realise when child 2 comes along that you just had good luck!

Who told you it was enjoyable!? It’s just the “fed not dead” phase when the age gap is a nightmare and you just have to survive. The enjoyable stage is the sweet spot just before the eldest becomes a teen and then it’s a shit show again. Hang in there - you got this!

Sounds like my 3yo. Rules the roost. My poor eldest just gets on and goes about their day. It's exhausting!

Hey op, yeah my DD2 is nearly 3 and I was thinking from your post ‘yeah I bet yours is around the same age’

I agree this age is incredibly difficult and also tricky to navigate both kids and given both of them enough attention. My DD also loves to say no to absolutely everything and thinks it’s funny.

Phase, not faze.

I have 5 children, they are all adults now. You would think after about 3 kids you would be quite expert at it. No, they are all different and even the fifth one would do things as a toddler that I had never experienced before.
The most exhausting children were number 1 and number 4. We have so many funny anecdotes about their antics. The others had their moments but nothing like the extreme behaviours of 1 and 4.
1 and 4 as adults have turned out to be wonderful adults and also very interesting and intelligent people. They both have wonderful wives and families and are very successful in their chosen careers.
The others had 3 children have also gone on to have good careers and lovely wives and families. They are much more steady in nature.
Five children all brought up the same but very different in temperament. I would say they all needed different parenting looking back. I really had to be more firm with 1 and 4.
Yes they were the more intelligent children so demanded more attention and input, they were definitely more exhausting than the other three.