Anyone else’s ‘D’H pissing them off today?

[Pureshores11]

Solely a moan thread. I pull him up on everything and all the time, I don’t suffer in silence, he doesn’t get away with things. But some days I just want to scream.

DH has been nothing but an absolute pain in the arse, as he usually is on ‘event’ days (Easter, Christmas, Halloween, birthdays).

His entire ‘contribution’ to Halloween has been: inviting his friends and their DC round for a picnic tea and trick or treating, and carving the pumpkins (while I supervise chaotic toddler and older child).

Mine has been: sourcing costumes (from Vinted and in advance as I don’t want to spend £40 on costumes to be worn once by growing kids). Finding a pumpkin patch, checking the opening times, just small things like pointing out DC needed their wellies on and not trainers, all the organising and sorting. Finding old towels for the pumpkin carving, making sure we have the picnic food in. Actually cleaning the house a bit before everyone arrives. Buying tickets to a Halloween disco the kids are going to this afternoon. All the shitty grunt work.

At every turn I’ve had to remind him of the most basic things, and reminded him of starting times, and pointed out you can’t invite friends round to a house covered in crumbs, an overflowing nappy bin and kitchen floor covered in dog hair, made him get involved with cleaning up. He’s muttered under his breath and rolled his eyes and snapped at me the entire time.

The final straw has been he has ‘lost’ my Halloween costume, so now I have nothing. He’s denying losing it but I put it somewhere v specific because I KNEW this would happen, and somehow he’s managed it. After losing my costume, he moaned about me breaking into the pile of junk food he just brought back from the shop (I ate 1 Halloween themed Jaffa cake bar out of about 15 bags of crap).

Before everyone asks what he brings to the party, he religiously does the same tasks every day (walks the dog, cleans the kitchen, unstacks the dishwasher, takes the bins out, hoovers etc). He isn’t ‘lazy’ as such, it’s just like anything outside this core of repetitive tasks just doesn’t occur to him, then he flails at last minute. If it wasn’t for me all special events would be an absolute let down.

Just needed a vent. From a costume-less witch, who feels tempted to put a hex on him.

Tbh if my husband invited his friends and their kids round for a party that he then did nothing to set up, I’d probably just go out.

I would any other event but I don’t want to miss out on Halloween with my kids who are very excited.

I have been known to do this before!

This all sounds quite miserable and nit-picking. I say this gently OP, but scaling back on Halloween ‘activities’ is allowed. Bit of face paint, creativity and a pumpkin and take the kids out as soon as dark at teatime to trick or treat next year as an alternative? Then a shared glass of wine or cup of tea together later when they’re asleep.

He’s the one who invited his friends! And he definitely hasn’t bought any face paints… wouldn’t even occur to him.

The point is he wants a Halloween (hence inviting the friends) but never thinks to do the actual grunt work involved. Which has been rudimentary - getting some food in, tidying up. Nothing elaborate.

You're both making this way too complicated. Instagram has made Halloween yet one more thing that people think needs to be picture perfect or their children will be in therapy their whole lives. Yes it's nice to acknowledge it and important fun and core memories for the kids but take on what you're willing to put the energy into. Yes I'd be pissed at DH asking people over then huffing and puffing about actually having to prepare for this and I'd be very firm with him that he needs to grow up and actually help with this without loading you with more emotional baggage but otherwise chill out and treat yourself to a takeout and a glass of wine later. You got this x

Unless you absolute love to do it then pare it way down.

Your relationship sounds utterly shit if your grown ass partners sulks like a toddler on "big days" but you don't have to break your back to make it special.

I get you want to make up for the miserable fucker they have as a dad but you don't need to overcompensate so much.

Kids don't need all the fanfare and fuss, you can keep it simple and low key. It will still be enjoyed and you won't be run ragged and full of resentment.

Maybe the best thing you could do for your kids is to decide if your relationship with your DH is healthy and happy and something you want to model to them.

Not being snarky but what ‘fanfare’ am I doing? You can’t invite guests and do absolutely nothing? And the pumpkin patch… just down the road… v low key. Not really a fanfare I thought?

What you do for Halloween sounds totally over the top. He doesn’t need to get involved in all that! He’s probably invited his friends over for a bit of fun and peace from all the ridiculousness…

Some of the things on your list are ridiculous, finding towels, saying children need wellies.

Pumpkin patch and trick or treating?

Wow, I had no idea these weren’t the norm in young families - must just be where we live. Some people do boo baskets, themed days out, elaborate costumes etc, I thought that would be over the top… maybe anything is?

Update: found the costume, wig still missing

The final straw has been he has ‘lost’ my Halloween costume, so now I have nothing. He’s denying losing it but I put it somewhere v specific because I KNEW this would happen, and somehow he’s managed it.

Sorry, are you saying you tried to put your Halloween costume away because you knew he’d try to take it and he hunted it out and hid it from you anyway? And then lied that he “lost” it?

Does he often do this sort of batshit nastiness?

You’ve mentioned more than that though - Halloween disco? You have your own costume? All a bit much and no wonder he’s opting out.

I actually love this thread, he clearly isn’t useless or a waste of space, but today he definitely is.

I have one of these myself, looks after me really really well, doesn’t mean I don’t want to flush his head down the toilet every now and again

He hasn’t opted out, he invited his friends round for tea and trick or treating (necessitating food, decorations, costumes etc)

Your costume was 'lost' - get over it

Haha, thanks - I should’ve known I would get the usual ‘trick or treating at Halloween is massively over the top, poor DH who in fact invited his friends’ responses 🫣🫣🫣😂

😂😂 I know! You’ve gone from having a perfectly normal moan about your husband being a pain in the arse for the day to being told your relationship is utterly shit, your children have a miserable father and you’re doing Halloween wrong.

Who knew a pumpkin patch and a bit of trick or treating could be quite so controversial? 😂

Only on mumsnet

I pull him up on everything and all the time, I don’t suffer in silence, he doesn’t get away with things

I can't relate to this at all, it sounds like you're talking about a badly behaved teenager. I'd be horrified if my husband thought like that about me.

Marriage is for enhancing your life, making it easier, and fun. That's the whole point.

I have no such irritations because I am divorced 😂
I learnt a long time ago I cant live with people.

Have him do one more daily task to compensate for you organising the special activities? Play to each other’s strengths?

Sorry but I honestly don't know why anyone would go to so much trouble for Halloween!

How can he lose your costume. Do you mean he moved it somewhere and can’t remember where.

How’d he lose your Halloween costume??
It must be somewhere in the house surely?

Jinx!

This sounds like a whole new level of batshittery and making unnecessary work for yourself over Halloween.

I do feel some sympathy for your DH.