To think when you ask for opinions on plans you shouldn't get pissed off when people give them?

[Boppydoodah]

Just that really. It's happened a couple times recently to me, and it genuinely mystifies me why people do this.

A recent example is some changes were made to festive plans by others in the family (with good reasons and a good heart), presented to the wider family seeking thoughts on the changes. The changes actually do impact on us majorly but I got jumped on for saying a fairly neutral "xyz may not work for us but we'll give it a think to see what's possible". They then wanted reasons, and a separate chat group was used to "remind" some of us (ie me) of the good reasons why the changes were needed. They sought our opinion but didn't actually want it - which is fine, but in that case why ask?!

AIBU to think, if you ask for people's thoughts, don't get pissed when they give you ones that are different to yours?

I didn’t (mean to ) imply that

I was trying to explain how appearances may affect other people’s judgements and those appearances also indicate what your personal priorities are and other people might not like that

This is my approach with DH lovely family

Any replies that are 'great, we're in" I'm happy to send.

Anything that needs "nope, not us" I make him send. Or if he's away/busy and can't respond I'll reply "let me check with DH'

That way it can't be perceived that it's me rather than us.

If it’s something like family usually hosts Christmas at theirs but this year they want to eat out and expect everyone to fund an expensive meal just stick to your guns and DH repeats no.