Missing my dd

[cupfinalchaos]

I have a 29yo dd who I brought up for 10 years alone as her dad was never at home which was a blessing as when he was he was hideous. So being just the two of us, we were exceptionally close. I have since remarried and she adores her step dad.

She recently moved in with her bf and i’m having a wallow this evening.. she’s on a plane to NY and didn’t even message me to say bye. What’s wrong with me? I should be happy she has a great job, loving partner and close friends. Wasn’t easy living with an adult child and she drove me to distraction but tonight for some reason I’m feeling that part of me is missing and gone forever. Please knock some sense into me!

I don't message my mum when I'm going on holiday go say goodbye. I'm 46. Does anyone else?

Respectfully you need to get a grip.
a mother is entitled to miss her child no matter what age they are. OP is not a twerp.

You sound like you've done a brilliant job ! - well done
Just be pleased she is living her best life.

What? DD and I literally always see each other before a big flight, and we always post good byes in the group chat so my mom sees it too.

Not goodbye in a dramatic way, but more of a “getting on the plane, I love you” way.

Yes it is normal. I would get in touch with my mam if i was going away. Mumsnet is weird

I'm glad to see so many people message or call before take off/after arrival, as MN sometimes make me wonder if I'm being extra.

If this is her first big trip, hopefully you'll adjust over time, OP. It must be equally satisfying though to see them living well, and I'm sure you're still very dear to her.

Good advice thanks. I have much to be grateful for and it’s just this evening for some reason! Would love to see some of the deleted replies as I probably deserve them!🤣

Thank you❤️ She is.

I message DM if I'm off somewhere, and we actually live in different countries. I think it's thoughtful to keep her involved in my life between my monthly visits to her - she's still my mum, and interested. I call her regularly as well.

Nope never have. Dh’s mum is annoying and insists on all the details. What time we are leaving the exact expected travel time. The we have arrived TOUR yes tour. We are grown ups leave us be.

Id be fine to send a photo once arrived in a look at this view kinda way but I’m not a child I shouldn’t need my location tracking by my parents or in laws.

My little one is 4, and I often miss her 2-year-old self. I already miss her 4-year-old self whenever I imagine her being 6 or 8. I can't even begin to imagine what it will feel like not having any version of her with me when she's all grown up. Of course, I want her to be successful and independent, to spread her wings and fly away, but it also breaks my heart just thinking about it. So I think it's perfectly reasonable to miss your 28-year-old, OP.

Thank you so much. Sounds like you’re well
aware how important it is to cherish when they are little.

What's so abnormal about it?

Both DH and I always message our mums when we get on a plane - goodbye, love you, flight number. partly to keep them updated, and partly superstition about travelling on a plane 🤪

Op I think you have a healthy perspective on it but it's ok to have a little wallow, as long as it's just this evening and doesn't go on and on. If you're still feeling intensely like this maybe next week I think it'll need interrogating further, but for now, be a bit sad but then eat something for dinner that dd hates and you love, walk around naked and sing really loudly, use up all the hot water. All the things you couldn't do if she was home!

It was just this evening as she was out and I was alone I think😂 Also realising I need her more than she needs me now!

Yep, also 46 and always do. My mum does the same to me. Never thought of it as not being a normal thing to do 🙈

I think your feelings are valid OP, mine are all at home still but I still miss them if they are not home. I do long for a quieter, less messy house at times but I think I will be sad when they move out.