To think you can develop a massive alcohol dependency so fast?

[vanillaessences]

In your experience , is it possible to go from a casual social alcohol user to full on, chronic dependence where you lose your job, licence, marriage, teenage kids , health and everything that matters in life , in a matter of a few years when up to that point you had it all and why could
this Possibly have happened . The lady in question refused family therapy as part of rehab, twice incidentally .
To go from being a loving committed mother and wife to losing your kids and husband in a matter of years is so heartbreaking and so difficult to understand.
Thanks in advance.

There must be something going on behind the scenes as this isn't a lifestyle choice. It sounds like a sad situation. Those with alcohol dependency don't want to be forced into accepting outside help, they have to want to help themselves sadly, despite being surrounded by loving family.

I think it's possible to go into a spiral and for drinking to be symptom of that, yes. I doubt whether it's all about alcohol in this case.

Yes as that’s what my dh did. Now ex dh

he has lost his

home
family
friends
marriage
seeing young child daily
job
van
health

and sure more

yet still drinks soon as gets his uc

What on earth could cause this when said lady was always at home ( by choice) adored being a homemaker, mother and wife and then rapidly fell into a cycle of drinking vodka daily and creating really
dangerous situations for her work and her children and others at the end of her behaviours. It seems extreme but Covid exposed and exacerbated the issues

Yes its possible

A million reasons, people can appear to have everything and be happy when in fact they're desperately miserable.

It's possible. It's also possible she was an alcoholic long before it became apparent to people outside her family. It's possible to be a so-called functioning alcoholic for years before everything falls apart publicly.

"A few years" is a long time when mental breakdown and addiction is involved. Poor woman. I am sure everyone in her life thinks she is the problem and is a nightmare, but I bet she secretly agrees with all their worst assessments of her and is living in her own personal hell.

This happened to an old school friend of mine sadly. She'd been drinking in secret, quite a lot I imagine. She got stopped for drink driving and it all escalated from there. She hasn't seen her kids for two years now and has been told she will be dead in a few years if she doesn't stop. It's extremely sad.

Of course it's possible and it happens. I imagine it's most likely she's been drinking for a lot longer than people were aware though.

Alcoholism is a choice to distract yourself from your real problems. It can go from nothing to a problem instantly.

I think its possible but there would probably have to be traumatic circumstances to trigger it and possibly a genetic tendency towards addiction.

Also you don’t know what her life was like behind closed doors. She may have presented publicly as a perfect wife and mother but actually had undiagnosed depression or been in an abusive relationship.

Plenty of people keep up surface appearances which are wildly at odds with the reality of their lives.

How well do you know this person OP?

Dh def drank before but I didn’t think as much as he did

I am not saying she shouldn't be held accountable for her behaviour ; she is responsible for deciding to drink every day and can make different choices.

All sorts so things, bereavement, abuse, a lifetime of pretending to be happy and fulfilled with things you "should" be happy about, a cheating partner, hidden financial worries, breakdown of a relationship (either the public one or a clandestine one).

Unless you are her, you can't possibly know how good/bad her life was or how happy she was v how happy she was in public.

I don’t know a single person who speaks badly about her . Everyone feels so powerless and helpless as she has shut everyone who loves her, out of her life . Her siblings are alcoholics as is her father and her former friends drink heavily .

I don’t know a single person who speaks badly about her . Everyone feels so powerless and helpless as she has shut everyone who loves her, out of her life . Her siblings are alcoholics as is her father and her former friends drink heavily .

I've known one person with this kind of drinking history so it is possible but what's much more likely is that there was a prolonged period of secret drinking which built up and resulted in what appeared to be a rapid loss of any control whatsoever. Most alcoholics are functioning until they're not.

So she had a genetic propensity for it, has probably spent a lifetime knowing she needs to avoid it, then something happened that made her start and she can't stop?

Yes you can, given the right circumstances and that some people are more vulnerable to addiction than others. I still remember a talk given to us at school by a journalist, on how his social drinking tipped over into alcoholism.

Because what you see on the outside isn't necessarily what people feel on the inside.
Because the happy have it all exterior might be masking underlying issues, crippling low self esteem, unresolved trauma or a world of pain, and they self medicate in order to show you that exterior.
Because some otherwise ordinary people with no issues, have a physical reaction to alcohol which means that once they start drinking they can't stop.

We don't necesarily know the lives people are really living. How many times have you heard of a relationship break up for reasons you had no idea about.

I watched Storyville last week about a young filmaker's mother who was alcohol dependent. I can't imagine what it's like to witness someone living with this, especially a parent or close relative.

"a matter of years" isn't fast.

Honestly, as someone who has been to rehab, it can become a problem in the second the warmth and numbness hits your system and for a blissful moment the life and self you hate disappears, and the false sense of power and possibility rushes in, and then you can’t wait to do it again. It can become a problem in a week. A few years is a lifetime in addiction.