horrid in laws, aibu

[mymel]

me and my dbf have been living together for just under a year now, in our hometown, with our 2 cats. our relationship has been nothing but rocky due to his mothers actions.

straightaway i was met with hostility, 3 months into our relationship she gave him an ultimatum to break up with me or he's kicked out (because i like childish things like hello kitty, sylvanian familes she called him a pedophile and insinuated i was one of those adult baby people, we are the same age!)
she said 10 hours later not to bother breaking up bc he changed his mind.

loads of other little niggly things like calling me huge etc that wore me down, asking me for money 24/7 and not repaying it - just loads of general shitty things. then we get to where me and dbf are thinking of moving into our own place, so we save and save.at this point we're a week into living here, no washer, no oven yet, and she asks us to pay her rent arrears off (around £500) dbf stands up says no, as we've just moved in here, so her daughter pays it out of her savings to move out... fantastic 🫠

i looked through our banking transactions and she had about £300 off of us when we first moved in here, over the course of 2 months, in £10 here £30 there increments, never at once. she never bothers with us, except to bring drama to our lives. i'm sick to death, we go no contact and she gets sister in law or brother in law(who is 13) to spam call dbf or me, and its that bad we had to block the whole family now :( im so sick of it, sometimes i think its for the best me and my partner go our seperate ways as i have a disability that gets worse with stress

the pregnancy wasnt planned at all and we don't plan to have another. i am trying to source official care however its proving hard as i'm on a waitlist

OP this all seems a mess. Tbh I probably wouldnt be particularly happy if my young son decided to give up his life and any chance of a career to be a carer for someone he has only known a few years. Then you add an unwanted pregnancy on top of that which sounds like you would both physically, mentally and financially struggle to cope with then im not surprised they aren't fond of you.

You are both simply too young for this and frankly both sound quite immature. Get on multiple forms of contraception and get jobs doing anything and everything you can. Definitely focus on sorting out your own physical and mental health.

before this he was a carer for his mum who used to take ALL of his money to spend on cigarettes and other stuff, leaving him with absolutely nothing. when we met we were 18, i had a job, social life, wasnt physically ill (not as much anyway, i could power through) i had mental health issues yes but when i was way younger, early teens.

we never planned for me to be pregnant and i dont see me having children in future due to the strain pregnancy will put on my body. i am on contraception and was at the time of the misscarriage

i was born with this disability sorry i should of cleared that up, i have cerebral palsy and SUSPECTED fibromyaligia (i think i spelt it right) my parents help where they can but i dont see them everyday
some days i am completely functioning, i deep clean the house, shower myself go to the shop to do shopping, other days bedbound. it varies day to day. i also cook everyday and bake because thats my "job" i like to do that. maybe a week out of the month i am bed bound and then the rest i am just getting on.

i forgot to mention again (sorry just reading for bits i missed) we've been together almost 4 years now

I think that if on average it's one bad day, bed bound, a month, you partner should definitely get a job. He can leave you food and drink before work p. Working will improve life fir both of you.

he is looking for work right now! he has a few interviews this week + i am currently in therapy for mental health issues and also starting medication although im trialling lots until i find one that works due to bad reactions to the muscle relaxers i am on.

That's good then. I wish him luck though we all know it's a tough job market. What sort of work does he apply for. Can he ask the job centre to help him onto a course maybe. They often have courses for construction, security etc.

Tiny point, just out of curiosity: how come you are paying for your pain medications if you are on a disability payment and not working?

It doesnt sound like you are physically or mentally (or financially) in a position to bring a child into the world. I’m sorry you miscarried but please take watertight precautions to prevent a future pregnancy.

Why do you need to pay for pain medication rather than have it prescribed?

You bfs mother is scrounging money off you and then treating you like shit

Either he and you go nc with his mother or you walk away.
I cannot comprehend family dynamics like this !!!!

Has your boyfriend ever had a job OP?! What did he do before he met you? This all sounds like a co-dependent mess with no one able to support themselves

If neither of you work , I dont understand how you have hundreds of pounds spare to give his mother.

Please don’t bring a baby into this mess. If you can’t work how could you look after a baby?