DH says at least DDog doesn't "tell him off"

[Beingseenisneedy]

As the title says, DH and I were having a cosy morning a few days ago. Chatting away, laughing and having a pretty lovely time.

Then I got up and he said he'd take DDog for a walk, and at least DDog doesn't tell him off. I hadn't "told him off" for anything and asked what I'd told him off about. He laughed it off, kissed me and off he went.

Now, he's not a child to be told off, but there are things I remind him to do, he'd probablysay (nag).

Communication is important in any relationship and I'm torn in taking this on board and leave him to it or talk about it with him.

We are different in that he's very laid back, whereas I'm more, let's get things done.

Wwyd?
YABU: Listen and take it on board and try to "nag" less.
YANBU: Ask him what he meant and have an argument .
Thanks.

Horrible word ‘nag’

why do you need to, why doesn’t he step up and do the stuff that needs to get done. Not blame you for ‘having to remind him because he hasn’t’.

OP, let him change the bin how he likes. What does it matter? DH and I do things differently and we both have a few ideas about the 'right way' to do domestic tasks, but we laugh about it. This sounds like his comment has hurt your feelings and perhaps has some basis, from the examples you have given, so I would talk about it again. You don't really know how he actually feels. Try to find out.

Managing to still love someone whilst they reload the dishwasher because you've done it wrong or they've put your beautiful wooden chopping board in the aforementioned dishwasher despite being asked not to, is the biggest challenge of marriage. It isn't what the other person does that matters but how you handle it together to reach a compromise. We use humour and make fun of each other. I've accepted what I can't change and presumably, so has he.

How PA and whiney of him.
Deliberately doing things very slowly is weaponised incompetence IMO.

Then you have far bigger problems than what you presented. What a horrible situation whereby you both talk of ‘him earning g double what you do’ as if to absolve himself of household chores.

I agree, the bin example would have wound me up too. The thing with faffing is, they get into the habit because eventually someone comes and takes over, or gets the rest of the tasks done while the faffer takes his time over just one.

I'd have batch-cooked him into a stew by now if i were op.

I love the clarification that there was no injury to account for the slow bin emptying.

The examples op have given seem to be when they both have chores or tasks to do, and she ends up doing the lions share as he’s either pissing round turning a 15 second job into a 20 minute one, or he’s gone to take a massive dump when they’re meant to be working together. I’ve got an oh like this, to give you one example we had to help rent oh’s relatives 2 bed house on Airbnb for a year, how I got lumbered with the task of cleaning it between guests I don’t know. On the occasions oh came with me to ‘help’, we’d start with a bedroom each, and I’d have literally changed the sheets and cleaned in bed 1, cleaned the living room, kitchen, bathroom and hallways etc. By the time I’d finished all that, oh would just be finishing making the bed in bed 2, and I’d still have to go in after him to dust and hoover and put out towels etc. He also had this weird obsession with constantly rearranging the linen cupboard which I kept perfectly organised, meaning he didn’t even get round to finishing his one bed sometimes. I also get the gazing forlornly for 5 minutes at the very simple task he has to do before starting it. The same in shops. We’ll be doing diy for eg, we’ll go to the shop for a tool and I’d immediately find and point out the exact one I need. But he needs an extra 10 minutes to stand on the spot and look at every one except the one I said we needed- before eventually picking up the one I said in the first place. Trust me, it drives you batshit over the years.
You have my sympathy op

I suspect your 'reminding' feels a bit like telling off to him.

I think you're probably overthinking a lighthearted joke though.

Dog probably does tell him off. He’s just not fluent.
Spaniels are the master of the side eye and my boy actually barks at me if I dare to leave him. TBF he’s not used to it and it’s never for long.

Basically, no excuses! 😅

Ok - I think the agreement is much more often (and I think much more fairly) that split of household chores should factor in how many hours you work rather than anything to do with how much each of you earn. The idea is for each of you to have roughly equal amounts of ‘free’ time after you’ve taken into account work hours and hours spent on chores/childcare etc. That means he should actually be picking up more chores than you do. Time to have a serious conversation about this I think.

Pretty much what he does. It's infuriating, but I'm also mindful not to be a "nag", so it's not like I point it out every single time.

We were removing wallpaper and got a room each, he got the smaller room, and I was done before he was half way.
That time, I went in to help him, but watching him float about whilst I went gung-ho made me lose it and left him to it.
I got on with the third room and finished that at the same time as him.

It is absolutely infuriating.

With this example though, if I’m working from home I wouldn’t do anything like load stuff into the car during my work day. And after work if I wanted to go to the toilet, I’d do it, I wouldn’t rush through it to load the car.

I’m just throwing that out there because I genuinely wouldn’t do more involved chores while WFH. The most I do is put on a wash or do the dishes during my lunch break.

I was imagining some possible bin-induced injury that he's had in the past that's now making him cautious. Dropped the bin on his foot, or trapped his fingers in the lid, or skidded on a banana peel?

I have a pupil at school, 17 years old, able bodied, he has managed twice in one month to staple his own thumb when attempting to staple his homework. Required first aid. I had to fill out an "accident in the classroom incident-report". (The first time was in my lesson, the second was in Design Technology where they are trusted with power tools! I'm amazed he still has all his limbs)

One day years from now, his wife will be getting sympathy on mumsnet.

I also get the gazing forlornly for 5 minutes at the very simple task he has to do before starting it

This is so funny. How do they hold down jobs?!

So, he could have done the car loading as there weren't any dishes or laundry for him to do.
It was a Friday, he finished same time as iI did, but then I had the commute back.

Same as when I'm on my lunch break, I try and do jobs that free up the weekend as much as possible.
Not saying not to have rest time, but it would have taken him minutes, not hours.

Haha, can just picture him stapling away 😅.
Sadly, that's DH too, bumps his head on the same beam, then wants sympathy. I've started pretending I didn't see.

I see what you mean. I think if it was me, I would want to talk about it with DH. I’d probably say something like “I’ve been thinking about the other day when you said ‘at least the dog doesn’t tell you off’. Do you really feel like that?” Then I’d see what he said and explain why I didn’t think his comment was fair.

I guess it depends on whether you are able to discuss stuff like this without it turning into a row. It’s one of those comments that he maybe felt was throwaway, but I can understand it hurts if you feel like you’re putting in a lot of effort and having to push him to do anything.

Thank you, annoyingly, he gets back late tonight, so might do it at the weekend.

See also son, sister, husband, mum, dad, daughter and boyfriend