Should she earn more??

[blueeeapples]

Appreciate your thoughts on this situation. Both mid 40s, together nearly 20 years, 2 DCs (late teens). Mid 40s, mortgage paid off (3-bed semi), with joint savings of £18k.

Me: Salary: £65k, savings / investments: £137k & pension: £125k

DW: Salary: £12k, savings: £16k & pension: £10k

DW wasn't working while DCs were in primary school. Now they are in in secondary & college, re -entered workforce 2 years ago, working part time earning approx £200 p/w. I think it's DW should work more than the average 8-10 hours she does each week, especially as our pensions aren't great.

DW thinks we're in a good financial situation, and doesn't want to increase hours, especially as we have a large amount of savings.

Am I being unreasonable?

I wouldn't be happy with your joint pension levels, and I'd want to work more paid hours. I don't think you are being unreasonable.

That's with the proviso that your dcs are happy, confident, doing well, no SEN.

Are they planning to go to university? How will you support them? The maintenance loan is seldom enough. Have you considered you may need to find £5k a year each for them?

You’re definitely not being unreasonable. If she worked more hours now, then maybe you could go part time or retire earlier in the future. By leaving all of the financial pressure on you, she’s taking away any choice for you in the future. I couldn’t work just eight hours a week and then expect my partner to work full time to provide for me

We have equal spending money each month. DW is very risk averse. I've just been been investing modest sums consistently each month for 20 years.

She's just got used to it, after decade+ of being out of workforce. I don't think she particularly enjoys it either. This, compounded by our relative financial stability makes her disinclined to work more hours.

Unfortunately I think it’s common for women to be more risk averse which is one of the many reasons they end up with smaller pension pots than men. Can you encourage her to read up a bit on investing?

What would be your wife’s reaction if you told her you were dropping to 2.5 days ?

Bro she's working one day a week, tell her to get her lazy ass off the sofa and start grinding!

Yes, we've discussed this, and think it would be more like 60/40, as I'll still be working FT and her PT - equivalent to 3 days p/w.

I think she needs a reality check. You are not really in a great financial position and she should be looking to earn much more and put more in a pension and invest.

I voted Yabu because you’ve let her go without pension contributions for all those years not working in order to birth and raise your children.

You should have been making contributions for her instead of squirrelling so much away in your own name.

She’s also not been able to further her career and earn a higher salary for this reason.

But yes there’s no reason why she shouldn’t work more hours at this stage. However it would need to be a job that could still work around family and you’d have to take on more of the household stuff.

Yes, I've set up JISA for them, with small monthly contribution going in since they were toddler. Won't be massive amount (maybe £12k each), so I'll have top up

In hindsight, they will have access to it at 18, so hoping they don't just blow it all!

At least £5k! We’re making up £5k just on the cost of halls, then sending money for living costs on top.

She sounds like my now ex. The more I earned (consistent hard work, promotions) the less he earned. Once I’d seen it I couldn’t unsee it. Every time my salary went up, within 2/3 days he’d announce that he was stressed and could he reduce his hours. I was paying childcare because he wasn’t even picking the stuff up at home.

YANBU. It’s irrelevant in a way how much money you earn or have in the bank (I mean it is relevant but not the red flag), it’s psychologically damaging for you and your marriage if you are working your arse off and she’s doing a handful of hours a week. It wears you down. She should read this thread.

Do your children have additional needs? Is she ferrying them to regular hospital appointments or dealing with other complex issues? It’s not always as straightforward as ‘kids are in school, I can go out to work.’ What would be the plan for school holidays? Are the kids able to get home from school and be alone unsupervised for a couple of hours? Many/most would be by this stage, but not everyone.

lol..this made me chuckle.

The way you're phrasing this is very telling. Did she just decide not to go back, or was she the default parent while kids were born, young, etc and then due to lost time at work her experience and confidence took a massive knock

If you share the housework, children etc then of course she can up her hours.

She's been in a professional role for the last 2 years, so plenty of time to get her confidence back and to look at getting more hours now.

No additional needs. Can look after themselves fine. DW has, or does overly fret imo (e.g. make breakfast in morning), while I'm more "she 17 and she can get her own cereal on weekday"

A reframing as "need the kids to become fully independent before they go to university" might help.

But god, yes, the financial shock of keeping them at university should send DW out to increase her hours pronto! It looks like you'll have at least one overlap year of paying for both of them, which will be rather more than she's currently bringing in. You guys need a buffer.

She needs to work more hours. You both need to do some serious financial planning. You’ve potentially got some big financial years coming up and don’t seem to have a plan.

She gradually stepped down to 3 day, then 2. But when they went to nursery was challenging with pick up and drop offs, so we decided we would manage on one income.

When DCs both went to secondary, I picked up conversation about her re-entering workforce. She was initially reluctant, and then a year so so later, took on part time role. I just want her to increase her hours, as I dont think I earn enough to be a 1-salary household.

My biggest concern is if you are spending all your income currently and are mortgage free, the uni years are going to come as a shock. And your costs in retirement aren't going to drop as much as those who were paying a mortgage out of income.

You need to look to costs in retirement, and figure out what extra you need put aside to top up 2x state pension.

FWIW, I stopped work for 5 years when kids were at primary (the holidays did for us). It has totally wrecked my earnings - after 5 years out and 5 years work, ive got back to my 2015 salary minus inflation. So still earning less in real terms.

You can't change the past, but you can move forward to ensure your retirement is comfortable.

I think most of us aren’t particularly impressed by her attitude.

Are you in line for a good pension when you retire? If you are I wouldn't worry too much about the future.

I'm surprised your wife doesn't want to work more, frankly but at least she is earning and £200 is not to be sneezed at.