Should DD quit her job?

[Sworntofun]

DD 23 has her issues. She has autism and ADHD but with much support made it through uni and graduated in 2025 with a good degree but in an Arts subject that is very niche. She spent the next year trying to get a job and did all the right things, volunteering and staying in her casual student job in hospitality. Unfortunately they started giving her fewer and fewer shifts as she’s obviously a full adult wage at her age.
Finally in July she started an 18 month contract at a local firm in conjunction with doing a marketing apprenticeship. I was delighted. A job at last! However, she has not liked it from the start. She works 40 hours a week for an apprenticeship wage of £8 an hour. It’s a very small team of five in the office and she doesn’t feel she fits in. Now she’s found out that her boss has a spent conviction for child sex offences 15 years ago and she is saying she cannot work there any longer and is going to quit. I can’t help feeling that she should stay as there are so few jobs round here and leaving after only 3 months will look flaky to other employers and what about a reference? She has artistic skills and really wants to start a business but has no real skills to do this. Also without being too outing, it is making and selling an article of clothing that few people wear nowadays. Am I being unreasonable urging her to stay in her job? It’s not forever after all.
thanks for reading

The sex offence thing sounds like an excuse to try and get out of doing a job that she doesn’t want to do.

Life is tough and having a job isn’t optional for most people. She needs to stay until she has another job lined up.

Thanks for all the messages which I broadly agree with. Thank you But the CSO is definitely true as we googled his name and it was in the newspaper at the time. It was sharing indecent images and one account of sexual assault on a young boy. Whether or not it’s spent is not relevant to her job at all. A chat with her tonight identified many more issues with her workplace but I’ve persuaded her to stay for the next 6 months at least. As you all comment it’s experience and she’ll meet unsavoury characters in any situation at some point. She’s calmed down about the CSO. It was a kind of last straw and then she opened up about what’s going on.
To those who think she has no bills, yes it’s true she lives at home but she pays for a car, her phone and some food as well as some socialising and materials for the side hustle.
Yes definitely she does need to toughen up and gain resilience but no there is no allowance made for her Audhd.

A timed phone lock box could be a practical way to reduce distractions and develop healthier screen habits.It would be interesting to hear whether anyone has found it effective in the long term.

@Sworntofun I thought those type of offences were never "spent."

Especially for someone Autistic, it is important to try and learn resilience.
There is always going to be something not ideal regarding a job, but sticking things out if possible is best.

Having said that, if it is escalating to full meltdown try and act early to stave this off. Perhaps some allowances could be made at work to ease the parts she is struggling with whilst still providing the business value expected.

@ThistleTits yes that’s what I thought too but who knows?
@Max247 I have asked her to explore what allowances can be made. She has the inattentive type of ADHD and seems unable to stop making little errors like typos as she finds it hard to concentrate all day. Work want 100% perfection in everything. Well where is there 100% accuracy in any area of work? Seems they want her to work like a robot!
‘Full meltdown - not yet but I can see it coming sadly. Lots of tears and angry outbursts 😔

I work in early careers and trust me marketing opportunities are few and far between these days with the advance in AI.
so long as she is safe and it’s not impacting her health I’d encourage her to stick it out and finish the qualification, UNLESS she finds a regular full salary job to move to first. Make clear she is an adult and she has to contribute to the household so she can’t leave without another job.

Bluntly, if she has Audhd she is never going to 'fit in'. You just don't. I have audhd, I'm 42. I have only fitted in on a very fleeting basis at work, say one conversation in the break room that happened to be about something I liked. But she needs money and experience. Maybe she needs to reframe her expectations of the work environment?

Yes definitely she does need to toughen up and gain resilience but no there is no allowance made for her Audhd.

Employers are required to make "reasonable" adjustments but they dont have to sacrifice business requirements. Its not like school, the workplace generally often can't be as accomodating of individual needs because it would have an impact on wider teams or business performance.

Long term it probably isnt the right company for her but Id try & get her to stick it out through the apprenticeship. Too many younger people expect to give up easily when they don't like something or its hard, life isnt like that.

Can she use tech/AI to check her work? I have a dyslexic colleague who does this.

That type of offence will never become spent it will always show on a dbs check

Not true, there are workplaces and sectors where there are large percentages of ND staff. At my work it’s very common, I have ASD and ADHD and I fit right in as most of my team have at least one. You have to pick the right sectors.

Well yes deliverables at work need to be correct, it’s not school where it can be 80% correct. Typos can be easily found and corrected by her running spell check at the end.m, or she could set reminders to read through at the end. Work should make reasonable adjustments if they are reasonable, but not if it puts more work in to others or leaves mistakes. I’d suggest your dd asks for a meeting with her manager to discuss her difficulties and what she can do to help herself and if there’s anything that could be put in place.

There will be men with spent convictions (and unspent & waiting for court, under investigation etc) for quite unpleasant things in most work places.

She just won't know about it

The ones who were caught are a lot safer, it's the ones who never come to the attention of authorities that are the biggest risk

It would be silly to throw her apprenticeship away when graduate opportunities are so few & far between.

I've had no trouble 'fitting in' at work. My hobbies are quite niche & fit in there as well.

I struggled hugely at school (especially primary) & couldn't cope at uni as was so isolated.

That's silly to say no one with autism can fit in at any workplace.

Your experience is valid but it doesn't mean it will be the same for everyone.

@Overthebow do you mind me asking what sector you work in where there are large numbers of ND staff?
I am doing my best to persuade her to stick it out. Another issue is she is a graduate but she only doing a level 3 apprenticeship not a graduate one and is pretty bored as she doesn’t think it’s teaching her much. I think like others have said though she needs to suck it up and carry on regardless. There’s so few opportunities around nowadays aren’t there? That’s why she accepted this in the first place, just to have a job. Still terrified she will quit and join the about a million NEETs.

Surely her computer spell check will sort any typos out ?

Whilst there are reasonable adjustments that an employer is required to make, if considered too far reaching to apply then no, they will not be able to make allowances for her inability to concentrate.

She seems unprepared for the world of work. Which is a crying shame. But she is a trier so good she is to stick it out for another six months. Suggest she also job searches in that time too. Something she feels more comfortable with might crop up. You never know.

Of course they want 100% perfection - you can't put out marketing materials that are full of typos! I have inattentive ADHD and I can still proof read and share accurate documents. Sounds like she has a bit of growing up to do...

I think your daughter is hitting the problem that the adult world doesn't make nearly as many allowances as education. It can be a really hard transition and I hope that she can stick it out.

Thank you @Washandblowdryplease it is a hard transition.

When I said typos earlier, of course she uses spell checker. And she does proof read. That was a daft example of silly mistakes she’s made but I don’t know what the specific problem is. She just mentioned that to me once and I remember it as it’s daft. Of course she doesn’t put out marketing material with errors in! Sorry if I misled people, she’s not that unprofessional !!
I do think she struggles with the 40 hours and the commute but that’s life as they say!

I would stick it out but keep applying for other (ideally better paid) jobs in the meantime, with the caveat that if her mental health starts to become severely affected/ she seems to be at risk of burnout she may have to rethink. Is it an option to WFH any days? Or as a PP suggests, book random annual leave days so she has a few days off to look forward to. As an aside I didn't realise apprenticeship wages were so much less than the minimum wage!

Engineering consultancy, but you really do need a STEM degree and often masters too. But very stereotypical ND type jobs here, and it’s very flexible with hybrid working and part time working options so it does work well with autism. There’s no way I could work in marketing, I really wouldn’t do well.

Sadly STEM is about the last thing she could do but thanks for answering 😊

My Dads advice was always (if I hated a job) - think of it as being paid to look for something else.

@Lookatheskies yes that’s what I’m telling her, to think if it as a means to save up money for either future further training in her creative area or just for a car ( she currently drives an old banger). Sadly she’s not really interested in getting another job in marketing but I’ve told her the stuff she’s learning will be directly applicable to selling and marketing her own stuff in the future.