To ask for stories about unreasonable ex wives?

[cadburyegg]

Hopefully I won’t get absolutely flamed for this 🤣 I’m an ex wife / have been a single mum myself.

recently started seeing someone who also has kids and it seems very much like his ex weaponises the children against him / blocks contact on a whim. I have to admit until I met him I didn’t believe this really happened. I’ve always encouraged my ex to have our children as much as possible but I have the opposite problem in that he isn’t interested in having them more than EOW.

So, I am skeptical, but realise perhaps I am being a bit narrow minded, interested in hearing from women who have stories about difficult exes who stop contact or are difficult about access to the children?

Thankfully, my version of this (DH former partner - DSD's 'mother) is dead. From a variety of sources, not just from DH:

Used to get so drunk the neighbours used to fetch DH to carry her home when she'd collapsed in the street.

Used to get so drunk she'd shit herself.

Used to get so drunk she'd pass out while looking after DSD, so she wasn't allowed to do that anymore.

Stole alcohol from my SIL's house.

Slept through DSD's birthday party because she was drunk.

Can you sense a theme here?

Also - tried to 'ban' DH from being his niece's godfather because she didn't believe in christening babies.

Didn't turn up to a close friend's wedding on the day because she 'didn't feel like going anymore'.

Didn't visit her dad at all when he had dementia because she 'couldn't cope with seeing him like that'. Her own brother wouldn't speak to her for years because of it.

I'm SO glad I don't have to deal with her. But slightly sorry I'll never get to get her a piece of my mind for what she did to my DSD and my DH. Bitch.

I know someone. Nothing wrong with the dad (as in not abusive or anything) and to be fair he wasn't blocked from his child completely, but there was a dynamic where she was in charge and he had to ask to see his child like a visitor instead of co-parent and she messed him around a lot. He got a court order in the end to make things more equal, which not everybody could afford to do.

There are different types of unreasonable ex. DP's ex doesn't seem bothered about seeing their DC. It's been minimal since they separated and dwindled over the time I've known him.

Despite taking every opportunity to duck out of seeing DSD on the one or two nights a fortnight she's supposed to, she still did something exceptionally nasty that left DP worried (catastrophising) that DSD would be taken away from his care.

We're basically counting down the days to DSD turning 18.

I think we're conditioned to seeing mothers as nurturing and loving, so it's harder to believe when they behave in a way that's contrary to that. It's different ends of the scale (blocking contact Vs walking away).

Of course, there are plenty of lying men, too. But that doesn't mean there aren't also unreasonable ex-wives.

I think you can get crazy on both sides. My ex husband is still doing things to our children that he thinks will upset me but upset our children - they are in their late 20’s and we parted 15 years ago!

He told his girlfriend lots of stories about me being ‘ crazy’ only for her to have our children correcting him 😂.

Definitely is a thing.

My friend is one. I've had to give her some really harsh talking tos - not letting dad go to parents evening or award ceremonies, changing contact arrangements at short notice and to suit her and never letting him change them etc.

He had an affair and left her for another woman, she's really really hurt and even though she is in a new relationship and happy, she still wants to make his life hell but it's to the detriment of her children.

I'm sure there are some awful women out there but I do think a man with a dreadful ex is a red flag. If nothing else his judgement in having DC with her was awful!

More likely, there's a reason she's been driven to such behaviours and/or her MH is shot to this extent.

There just seem to be so many more men with terrible exes than I know terrible women.

It does strike me as odd that so many people post on Mumsnet about having awful mothers and there's (usually; not always) lot of sympathy and acceptance that the mum is awful, but people post about horrendous (female) ex-partners and it's very often seen as the man's fault.

There's a disconnect there somewhere .... !

Yes, there are horrible men- and women. Sometimes they can seem really sweet and kind-the evil/crazy behaviour isn't always on display.

One day you will likely realise why she did all the 'crazy' stuff. I only fell for the "all my exes were crazy!" in my 20s. By 30s you see the common denominator...

We had to leave the city because of husbands ex. We moved as far away as we could.
She poisoned all husbands family against me. Plus him which hurt him alot.
They even stopped seeing their GC.. So he never knew them
I used to send pictures of him to them. They'd get returned.
Believe me some exs can be rotten to the core.

DP’s ex. Her behaviour has been so frustrating and devastating to him. She has blocked him, called police on him and family members, changed kids’ phone numbers and not shared new numbers, insisted on multiple mediation but not taken it seriously, insisted on multiple financial disclosures… her current tactic is to delay their divorce as long as possible (it’s been 3 years) because he’s paying maintenance and half of the mortgage.

I’ve known several women who behave like this during divorce, despite ex husbands who want to do the right thing. I’m an ex wife myself and my ex husband and I still like each other and co parent well. It is possible but you have to make an effort to do it, sadly, it’s a choice lots of women choose not to make.