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AIBU?

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Original poster

Friends reverse snobbery is wearing

35 replies

Redleaf1 · 19/10/2026 10:26

I have a friend I see regularly & lately her reverse snobbery & comments have been so wearing I don't even want to meet her for coffee , she is much worse after alcohol.

So basically she grew up in a nice working class area & family, she has since moved to a nicer area & is hell bent on her dc networking with the more affluent families. From what I gather her approach is off putting & results in her calling them snobs. After a few drinks she starts putting down other families & speculating on how much money they have, the source of it & saying wouldn't let my kids play with them etc..

It is all extremely wearing, I can't understand why she has such an inferiority complex & her need to be accepted by those she deems acceptable is destroying potential friendships for her dc..
Aibu to want to avoid?

OP posts:
Original poster
Redleaf1 · 19/10/2026 16:43

Hummingbird233 · 19/10/2026 15:47

Sounds like she’s taking rejection personally which is really common.

You could try a few distraction techniques:

”let’s not focus on them, how’s your mum getting on…”

”maybe they’re just not your people. I’d move into make other friends myself…”.

It’s possible she’s just vocalising what she’s experiencing though. Her child is friends wit their children and she’s tried to make a friendship and it’s not worked. It’s likely a personality clash but very possible it’s linked to class, background and wealth. Some people really are that shallow where they only socialise with those they consider equal or the same. Maybe she’s picked up on that and is finding it hard to move on from it so is ranting to you as her friend.

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I'm unsure to be honest.. she tends to force friendships on her dcs behalf overcompensating but getting irritated if it's not reciprocated, she also wants to be friends with the parents.. & would say stuff like "I love dropping x up to the big house", "she's a doctor " etc... then on the other hand "wouldn't let x go to her house, that's a rough area"..

OP posts:
brownbootsandhats · 19/10/2026 16:44

It’s quite possible that looking at other people and their lives and thinking about what money they have has been very important I helping her make the choices that have lifted her

Autumnalhibernationisthedream · 19/10/2026 16:55

Miserable way to live, it must be exhausting, she’ll never relax and be able to be happy

Original poster
Redleaf1 · 19/10/2026 17:55

brownbootsandhats · 19/10/2026 16:44

It’s quite possible that looking at other people and their lives and thinking about what money they have has been very important I helping her make the choices that have lifted her

She's not lifted though as she can't seem to access the circles she wants to move in though...

OP posts:
Dreamcatcherat50 · 19/10/2026 19:09

Redleaf1 · 19/10/2026 17:55

She's not lifted though as she can't seem to access the circles she wants to move in though...

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And are you enjoying that a bit? Where do you feel you fit into this hierarchy?

Original poster
Redleaf1 · 19/10/2026 19:19

Dreamcatcherat50 · 19/10/2026 19:09

And are you enjoying that a bit? Where do you feel you fit into this hierarchy?

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I have no idea where I fit as I don't judge people on where they live or their occupation. I always tried to get along with all walks of life & it has served me well so far.

OP posts:
HoppityBun · 19/10/2026 19:22

Redleaf1 · 19/10/2026 11:00

The problem is it seems to be backfiring on herself & the kids as she is trying to elevate herself by making disparaging remarks about where people are from or grew up.. then her dcs aren't invited to something & she calls the parents "snobs".
Also she wants to become friends with the parents not just let the dcs have a friendship.

I feel like I am being judged also!

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Could you just say something like

“goodness, soon to be ex-friend, you really do sound as though you’ve got an awful inferiority complex! Do you really feel so awful about yourself as all that? Perhaps some therapy would help?”

Original poster
Redleaf1 · 19/10/2026 19:25

I think something along those lines may be needed if it continues... it's just bizarre I have never come across it before especially against her own area & friends she grew up with. She is obsessed with people's jobs eg doctors, accountants etc & people with "good jobs" .

OP posts:
HowTheLight · 19/10/2026 22:35

Redleaf1 · 19/10/2026 19:19

I have no idea where I fit as I don't judge people on where they live or their occupation. I always tried to get along with all walks of life & it has served me well so far.

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I think the poster was asking where you fit on your friend’s social hierarchy — are you among the proles she’s trying to leave behind, or the affluent she’s dying to be identified with? Why is she actually telling you all this stuff?

Original poster
Redleaf1 · 19/10/2026 22:54

HowTheLight · 19/10/2026 22:35

I think the poster was asking where you fit on your friend’s social hierarchy — are you among the proles she’s trying to leave behind, or the affluent she’s dying to be identified with? Why is she actually telling you all this stuff?

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No I'm definitely not an affluent but I would be working class also living in the same area as her now so I'm not sure how she seems me. If anything we'd be equal, similar childhoods, similar careers now

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