To let her have it both barrels?

[Flibberyjibbert]

DS has been getting low level grief off a boy in school. I tried talking to the mum and it didn't work, so I've been reporting it to school every time instead. She must have been receiving calls from the school about it.

A few weeks ago she accosted me after we'd put the dc on the bus. She absolutely tore a strip off me, telling me I'm a horrible person, no one likes me, criticising me, my family, my job, my house, just absolute hatred.

I wasn't well (covid) and was a bit stunned so didn't really argue back, I was just stood there like a lemon.

Having sat on it for a few weeks I feel like I just can't let it go. I have so much I want to say to her, she is an absolutely horrible individual and letting her think that I took all her comments on board probably makes her feel vindicated.

The sensible half of me thinks let it go, karma will get her. The devil on my shoulder is preparing a speech to deliver to her to leave her in no doubt who the horrible person is amongst us.

WWYD?

Just keep telling the school. Every single time. I’d also tell them that the mother was aggressive to you, especially if it was on school property.

Not really surprising the boy is the way he is

Keep reporting to the school and if she starts on you again, let her have her rant and when she’s finished give her a concerned look and say “Do you feel better now?” And walk away.

It’s completely understandable you feel this way, but what she thinks doesn’t matter. It’s important you don’t bring yourself down to her level or embarrass your son, you don’t want to give her any ammunition against you with the school. It’s better they know that you are the reasonable and responsible parent.

She was probably peeved that you didn’t respond, she sounds the sort to relish some public slanging. Just satisfy yourself with knowing she’s a fish wife with a rotten kid.

I don’t think the both barrels approach really works with people like this. She sounds like a gobshite who thrives off the drama. Besides the time for a response has passed now. However if she does say anything to you again i would look her up and down, smirk at her and very calmly say something like you can see where her child gets his lovely manners from.

Agree 100% people like that will get their comeuppance/karma, don't create a scene outside the school like she did, you're worth more than that!

I have been in a similar situation when an incident happened with my youngest and a women's son. She was called by school but I wasn't so was non the wiser. I turned up to pick up and got full anger from her. I was so embarrassed and just kept saying its inappropriate you doing this here. I went to school to complain and they asked did we want to both come in together to discuss it. I declined and just kept away from the women. I ended up falling out with friends as I wasn't supported and they knew her. I think you should go to school and explain what has happened.

I learned a long time ago that when two people are laying into each other, both people look wrong even when one person is justified. So don’t. 😎

If you give her both barrels you'll confirm to her you're every bit as awful as she told you you were.

Take the high road, keep talking to the school including telling them she's approached you, and take your interaction with the parent as the reason the child's behaviour is so difficult to be around. The apple didn't fall far from the tree. Rise above, truth will out.

Yes. If the boy is awful and the woman is awful then the family is nor ewasonable. You cant engage ysefully wirh antagoniatic , defensive types. They are too deeply entrenched in justifying their own illogicality. Detach and ignore and go through the proper channels

I wouldn't leave it well alone at all but I'm sat here reading and resisting the urge to post my advice because I know it's bad. You're probably right to listen to everyone else here instead but know that there are others out there who would have to fight the urge to completely kick off as well.

I wouldn't say anything to her unless she attacks you again. Then I'd ask her not to communicate with you at all unless she has something specific to discuss about school, because anything beyond that you'll view as harassment. And you're not interested in her views on you or your family.

I'd also be tempted to add that it's clear where her son gets his bullying ways from, and she might want to reflect on the example she sets him.

I don't think she was really told anything about OP, she's just thrown all that in about other people to add weight to her own hateful narrative and to be extra hurtful.

She's doing all this to try to 'win' something back because she's been told precious child cannot behave and her ego can't take it. Don't enter into the competition with her, she can't fight you if you don't fight back, act unbothered by her hurtful words, just keep reporting her child and escalate if necessary for your child's welfare but please don't allow her to make it a fight between you and her, because it isn't (and she knows what the truth is really, it just doesn't suit her so she's spat out her dummy).

If you indulge in getting the instant gratification by telling her what she is now (tempting though it is, I know), your future self won't thank you for it, one day you'll look back and feel like you could have handled it better, but if you let her think her nasty words didn't affect you, she is just pissing in the wind and you'll always know you did NOTHING wrong and you had the strength to rise above it and keep the higher ground, keep her frustrated in her efforts to hurt you, and that will ultimately make you feel like the better, stronger person in the long run.

@Flibberyjibbert Oh OP, would I be re-running that verbal attack in my head a million times, but with me actually tearing a strip off her in a multitude of ways, yes absolutely.

Would I want to challenge her now and give her both barrels...absolutely!

But would I, NO! Because the horse has bolted and frankly if you did it now you would feel good for two seconds and then look really lame. I hate saying that but its true. Zip it!

And send an email to the school updating them on the verbal attack by way of an update, which you believe may be a direct result of them speaking to her child or her over the incidents. Tell them its escalating. And then leave them to run with it.

Then, every time I see her, I would smile REALLY SWEETLY - that will really tick her off.

Her opinions, thoughts and words don't matter to you . She is not worthy of your time or attention. You can't argue or win with crazy .

If you were verbally abused in the street call the police, get an incident number and tell the school. Don't stoop to her level - two fisheries arguing is the street is self defeating.

Poor her and horrible behaviour she has modelled for her son.

You both will get past this as decent people whereas they have years to undo and relearn how to be decent or stay as their horrible selves.

Keep noting it down and keep reporting. School have a duty of care to safeguard your son.

I agree with this comment

Quite

What you really expected everyone to encourage you to inflame the situation even more.
Its ABIT sad you couldn't work it out for yourself what the repercussions could have been for you if you'd gone ahead .

Do you normally go head long in to conflict without weighing things up?

Hold your tongue and keep your dignity. The time to speak will be if it escalates.
If your outrage is battling to get out, write it down. I agree that putting everything into words acts as a sort of safety valve.

I thought DS meant son?

It does, typing in haste.

If she parented her child properly you wouldn’t have to Involve the school. So many of these parents think their child can do no wrong!