He doesn’t really consider what other people might think about him, as he is doing things right and this should be obvious to everyone. Anyone who doesn’t see this is objectively wrong, misunderstanding the facts, or being a nasty horrible bully for no reason.
He doesn’t understand that ‘rude’ is in the eye of the beholder - that if someone’s feelings are hurt by his behaviour, it won’t make anything better to argue with them vigorously until they understand they are objectively wrong.
He feels genuinely traumatised to this day by the fact that his teachers at secondary school said his behavior was ‘rude’. To his mind, he said please and thank you, and ate with a knife and fork, and that’s the sum total of what it means not to be rude.
It’s tricky because he really does mean well. He doesn’t wish anyone harm, never behaves out of malice, and can’t abide cruelty. In many ways he is scrupulously moral - because morals are clear rules. He is very invested in fairness where it can be objectively measured, but has no sense of emotional fairness, reciprocity, consideration.
He’s described it as though there’s a chapter in his manual of human emotion that’s written in invisible ink - it’s there somewhere, structurally, but it’s blank. Inaccessible in himself and incomprehensible when he encounters it in others.
He would much prefer if other people were robots programmed to anticipate his needs and meet them automatically; in standby mode most of the time, but instantly responsive should he require something.
He is also in standby most of the time. He is not able to take initiative. If someone needs him to do something, they need to tell him exactly what it is, justify why it needs doing at all, justify why it needs doing now, justify why it should be him doing it and not someone else, give him a very detailed, step-by-step breakdown of exactly how to do it, when to do it, and how to prioritise it within his current schedule and workload.
He needs advance notice and many, many, many reminders. He needs to be told every time that the thing needs doing - he can’t just take responsibility for it and fit it into a routine.
And if he doesn’t agree with any aspect of the way he’s been asked to do the thing or the timescale on which he’s been asked to do it, he will argue relentlessly as though his life depended on it, rather than just cracking on.
He finds social events draining, exhausting, and painful. The idea that other people enjoy one another’s company doesn’t seem to him like it could possibly be true - it’s just another example of how other people are disingenuous hypocrites who inexplicably endure objectively tortuous things.
I used to wonder why he was so keen to get married. I realised too late that he imagined marriage would be like having a carer or assistant or indentured servant, whose role was to be endlessly facilitative and understanding. Not much sense that this person might need or want anything from him. And if they did, they’d have to spell it out in granular detail, and it he wouldn’t do it if it wasn’t convenient to him.