To find this HR ‘punishment’ extremely generous?

[Kayleeees]

This all happened earlier in the summer but I only found out what happened from another colleague last night when having some drinks after work.

I went on a girls’ city break trip in May, I was quite newly single (context to become clear).

A few days later whilst in the office on a break in the staff area I voiced to a colleague I am friends with that I had a bit of a sore throat and had done since I’d arrived home.

A male colleague who had been listening in whilst sat having his lunch said ‘that will be all that sucking cock you were doing’. I did call him out there and then, he made some excuse about it being a joke and that it’s a meme that is what happens when newly single people go abroad. My colleague also had a go at him.

I made my manager aware who encouraged me to report this to our HR dept. A few weeks down the line, I was told it had been dealt with and strong action was taken but I couldn’t be told what it was as it’s a confidential process (fair enough). My manager said it wouldn’t happen again.

Fast forward to last night, and I found out that all he got was a verbal warning…I’d have expected at least a written warning surely which would hang over him for a bit? The verbal warning has no recourse and if he did this again, only then would it go down the formal route.

AIBU to feel this was a bit soft?

Disgusting but written warning which would stay on his record seems a ott

I think a verbal warning is right for a first offence. Hopefully he will take it seriously and behave better in future knowing that he will be in trouble if he does it again. The idiot probably genuinely thought it was a bit of fun.

I think, OP, people are slightly losing the run of themselves.
Have a think about your best and worst outcomes before deciding anything.

You are not going to get to decide the punishment, and it seems as if people are stoking the fire a bit to manipulate you into thinking there will be a way to slyly force the company to sack him. If you go back to HR for another bite of the cherry, I guarantee you, you are putting a target on your own back.

Yes, maybe he got off lightly but (a) do not trust the gossip about the type of warning he got and (b) HR plus management get to decide on the punishment. (c) For your own benefit don’t be seen as vindictive, and don’t make unnecessary work for others. Just put it behind you, as you had been doing until the shit-stirrer started shit stirring.

Be very careful - the incident has been dealt with in a way that HR see fit, and now you and other colleagues are talking about this colleague behind his back. That in of itself could end up with you also receiving a verbal warning!

Oh fuck off

Nice! What’s your problem here?

The victim blaming and the fake “you’ll get in trouble”.

They don’t stay on any record

First of all, I have not ‘victim blamed’ - I actually think what he did was totally out of order and he should have been given at least a written warning.
Second, I also believe that gossiping about a colleague’s disciplinary issues is also out of order and in some workplaces employees could be held to account.
Finally, your aggressive response to my reasonable comment is pathetic.

This just sent me back 30 years, was hourly banter in our office, oh how we laughed. We would all be in court these days, including the women 🤦🏼‍♀️

I am surprised this was not treated as gross misconduct and that he wasn't sacked for it.

Condoning this kind of behaviour and language in the workplace sets a precedent for the kind of culture they find acceptable.

We haven't really moved on from the times when it was acceptable for page 3 to be cut out and hung on walls in factory industrial settings if we think that this kind of behaviour has any place in the workplace. It's so depressing!

OP I am sorry you had to put up with that, the fact that you now have to continue in the same work place would make me look at alternative options when the employer doesn't condone such behaviour.

You did victim blame. You stayed the op would be “in trouble” for others actions.

also gossip? Get a grip. People get punished so there are consequences for actions.

you again think it’s ok for the man to make those comments.

you should be calling for him to resign

You clearly cannot read very well so I have quoted my post again. Be very careful - the incident has been dealt with in a way that HR see fit, and now you and other colleagues are talking about this colleague behind his back. That in of itself could end up with you also receiving a verbal warning
Please point out where I said she ‘would be in trouble’, or where I said that I ‘think it’s ok for the man to make those comments’.

Talking about someone isn’t an offence. Hr here

Yes agreed - I'm not HR but I head up legal for a large organisation and have been involved in dozens of disciplinary processes. The idea that a company would give a verbal warning for what is very clear sexual harassment and then undertake a process to punish people for talking about it is ridiculous.

Incidentally, in what way is saying that someone might get a verbal warning not saying they would be in trouble?

This is an appalling thing to say and I agree merits a written warning but this might depend on company policy. Normally these things are confidential however so does your manager definitely know? It does mean his next transgression will be a written warning though.

That is outrageous. I can’t believe no further action was taken here. I assume leadership and HR were all male?

If you’re ‘HR’, you may well want to consider some retraining on employment law.
Employees are expected to keep disciplinary proceedings, investigations, and allegations confidential. Discussing them with other colleagues, clients, or unauthorised third parties can be viewed as a breach of trust and confidence, as such can therefore be subject to disciplinary proceedings. Despite being told that the outcome specifics couldn’t be disclosed, the OP has clearly been in discussions with a third party about the disciplinary whereby the outcome was disclosed. She has then disclosed this on a public forum. I’d hazard a guess that anyone who knows about this incident would soon be able to identify the OP, after all she was very specific.
As an HR worker, I’d expect you to give the OP clear advice on what ‘could’ happen going forward, not make things up. Just imagine the following scenario:
Employee to HR - ‘Hey HR, last night me and Suzy from accounts were talking about the colleague who was sexually inappropriate towards me that I complained about. Suzy tells me he just got a verbal warning. Is that true?’
HR to employee - ‘I can’t give the details about the action taken, as I explained to you before. Let me remind you that speculating about this with colleagues is inappropriate - have a read of our Disciplinary policy if you have any further concerns.’

I would agree that the OP is best to keep the matter confidential and discuss any concerns she has with her manager or HR, rather than complain to colleagues. I don't feel that discussing on a forum like this - with all details anonymised - counts as a breach of trust. I think it should be open to people to publicly discuss workplace issues that concern them, especially when it is women discussing workplace sexual harassment.

It is not clear though whether or not she was specifically advised to maintain confidentiality in the workplace. I have to say that, if her employer chose to discipline her for discussing the outcome of a sexual harassment process - of which she was the victim - the employer could expose themselves to a whole lot more risk both legal and reputational.

The language that this colleague used towards the OP constituted gross misconduct in my view - sexual harassment can potentially be a criminal offence. So I agree he got off very lightly; though my guess is that the 'verbal warning' constituted a private bollocking to not repeat this behaviour if he wanted a future in his job.

The OP was advised by her manager that it wouldn't happen again so it had better not. If there should be a repeat of it then this man should be sacked. No messing around with written warnings etc, there is no need to dutifully go through all the disciplinary steps where gross misconduct is involved.

No there were no women at Partner level in our team. I could have taken a complaint to HR but I do think that in the firm I was working for life would have been made very difficult if I had done so. I did speak to the man who asked the question and told him very clearly he was not funny and that his actions were totally unacceptable. He did apologise, but in some industries when a group of members get together anything goes. Lots can be excused under the banner of banter.

If I found it offensive, I’d have told him there and then.

I wouldn’t have taken it to HR. 🤷🏻‍♀️ As you did, a verbal warning from them is proportionate imo.

If first offence then a verbal warning is appropriate as they will be following their policy (usually goes verbal, written then investigation for dismissal unless extremely serious).

Whilst it's crass it wouldn't be a immediate stackable offence under gross misconduct for most and doing so would risk a tribunal.

I worked in a very male dominated industry for years some of the comments are still etched but they were always trying to get a reaction out of me. Unfortunately I would have been blacklisted if I went to HR and my life would have been made hell. Found it easier to simply not react or say wow your that insecure about something then then walk off. They soon stopped.

boopetboopt

internally when something goes on the record it’s written in invisible ink forever, someone will remember it was there