Furious DS17 is paying for OF

[ByAdeptFinch]

Hi everyone,

I’m typing this in absolute shock and need a sanity check, because right now I’m utterly furious.

My son (DS17) is bright, academically brilliant, and normally completely driven. He’s predicted 4 As this year, has applied for a Maths degree at top universities including Cambridge *and on paper, he is thriving.

However, I recently discovered that he has a £3/month recurring subscription to OnlyFans.

I am absolutely sickened and profoundly disappointed. It’s not even about the small amount of money it’s the principle:

The ethics: I find it completely unacceptable that he is consuming this kind of adult content, let alone directly paying for it.

The mindset: At 17, with huge university interviews and A-levels on the horizon, I expected far better judgment and maturity from him. He shouldn't be visiting these sites or financing this industry at all.

I haven't confronted him yet because I wanted to cool off first, but I feel like my opinion of his character has taken a massive hit.

So, Mumsnet... AIBU to be furious, disgusted, and deeply disappointed in him, or am I overreacting to standard teenage boy behaviour?

For context he funds it through his earnings from a part time job

Hi OP, unfortunately I think this is a massive overreaction. He’s practically an adult, and by blowing up about this, you will risk damaging your relationship with him. You might not personally agree with paying for content but it’s perfectly legal and many (myself included) don’t see an issue with it. I’d leave it

Overreacting.

I dunno… I think we have to be realistic about what even the brightest teenage boys are “intrigued” by. Also OF is a huge spectrum of “tastes” just cos he subscribes there’s no knowing what his thing is.., it doesn’t necessarily mean it’s Bonnie Blue there just might be a particular creator he likes to see..: more of! I would be cautious of going in too heavy on this. You don’t want him to pull away from you at this critical moment and frankly it’s just not that big a deal I dont think. It’s not like he’s 11, he’s nearly an adult.

The content is very shocking to me. Although it's legal content it defniitely isn't legal for him to consume due to his age!!

Hmmm I’m afraid I think you’re in the wrong. He’s funding it and he’s almost an adult. There’s going to be plenty of things he does that you don’t agree with or like but there comes a point when he lives his life as he chooses too.

I wouldn’t mind porn as they all will but only fans is gross. It’s prostitution. But they are adults. Best to try and block out this side of him.

This is going to be one of those threads were you have made up your mind and wont accept any other view isnt it. But for the record massive overeaction by you.

I agree with you OP. I would be heartbroken

Despite my own feelings on porn, I would be more surprised to find out that my DS, also 17, wasn’t watching it. There’s nothing you can do. He’s funding it himself, not using your card. PS my opinion of your character has taken a massive hit because you’ve had to use Chat GPT to write this post

You need to tell us what it is if you want our honest opinions. I've got two primary aged so I know this is what I might have to face in future and being honest I'm dreading it, you have my full sympathies. 💐

Don’t be so hysterical! He’s a red-blooded lad. If you only know what goes through men’s minds on an average hour…

V, v naive parenting. 20 years ago he might have been buying Playboy and perusing Page 3 of the tabloids. He is a young man, stop denying it

I find it really scary to see what teenagers (boys and girls) now consider normal, and it does worry me. But we let this world happen. People our age made it, and let it become normalised.

Sorry but it’s normal. Men (and women) do view adult content online as standard. The vast majority of men. You’ll be fighting a losing battle if you think 17year olds aren’t or shouldn’t be looking at porn, they’re looking at it every day. OF is no different. At least most of the money goes to the creator.

Did you really need to use AI to write this?So strange you’ve included his credentials.

This is insane, he’s 17 not 7 😂

I don't understand how consenting women controlling their own content is gross, but porn isn't. (when porn is either the same thing, or as is more likely. it's women that are not consenting and in control?)

maybe she wouldn’t mind if he was going to the university of wolverhampton?

Most lads of that age are looking at porn or have accessed it. Try to move on. Tell him you feel disappointed, that the whole perception of women on it is way over exaggerated and he is setting himself up for a huge let down. Then ignore it. He needs to work this out for himself.

This tbh. And I think you're naive.

The content is focused on female domination.. still bad but I guess male perception is more compromised

Still disgusting and unacceptable. I understand it's fairly-ish common at his age but I'm sure paying money is well beyond the norm

YABU and making him seem like a freak. Porn is legal, OF is legal. I’m female and 40
and I was intrigued by porn as a teenager.

He's a teenage boy. Even the clever ones get horny.

A lot.

Much as it would disgust me too, OP, in another a few months he will be out of your house. You'll have zero control then. It's not worth hurting your relationship over to go in heavy handed. He's exploring.

However, it's also not a great track to set himself on. I also have a 17yo DS and I'm close enough to him to probably ask some questions to see where he's at and make him think. Eg. Are you sure this person is making content through their own choice? How do you feel it affects your view of girls your age? How do you think it may affect your sex life in the future? I would try not to give any retorts or judgment (no arguing!) but just ask questions which may make him think. Even if outwardly he may brush it off or say, "Doesn't affect anything...", a seed may still be planted. I probably have a more open relationship with DS than my DH does, but if your DS would feel more comfortable having this conversation with DH then do that.

I certainly wouldn't go in with a 'this could affect your grades' or 'I would have expected more from someone with your ability'. Really that's irrelevant to the deeper potential issues and just extra pressure or making his identity about his ability. This may already be an escape from all that pressure so be kind and sensitive.

My own DS was porn addicted from 14-22. He absolutely hates himself for what he did but overcame it years ago.

Paying for porn is something he never did. That's a line he never crossed. Porn negatively impacts male minds... It's absolutely horrible and it ruined him.

You can probably email them , say what his email says. Say he's under 18 (I thought they need to verify age anyway).