Manager too direct or am I too sensitive?

[JS5]

I struggle with confidence and sometimes can be abit sensitive. How to know the difference between a manager that is too direct or me being too sensitive and need to become thick skinned?

Any recommendations or tips to use in situations that helps me achieve clarity in the moment whwn it's happening?

Manager interrupting my presentation and saying "thats not so important, can you just go to the end slide", suggesting what I'm presenting is irrelevant?

This is feedback. Was it relevant and was it important from your perspective?

Manager interrupting meetings, when im not finished

Need to know more to comment but based on the example above there is a theme developing which suggests you aren't focused or are too focused on small detail.

Manager using words like "that's pointless" or "that's not important" in teams chat, if I ask a question relating to a task ive been assigned to

Not necessarily the way to do so but again it's feedback. You sound like you aren't aligned with what's being asked of you or are struggling to understand what's important and what's not.

Managers Manager, responding to an email ive sent out with tasks, cc'ing my manager "why are we sending this out without deadlines?"

perhaps didn't mean to send to you and was giving feedback to manager, and yes its a oversight on your part.

You don't seem a team worker OP - and I fear you aren't listening or taking on board feedback. Speak less, focus on what's important to the company/project/task/manager. Keep asking yourself: Is this important? Is this urgent? Is this important and urgent? Is this relevant, not important, not urgent?

It certainly sounds like your manager is pretty blunt, but I think you need to think about whether the substance of what they are saying is valid. For example, re your presentation, do you think that your manager had a point about the presentation only really needing to cover the content of the end slide or do you think it that other people in the room genuinely needed the content from the earlier slides? For any future presentations it would ideally be good if you could discuss with your manager in advance roughly long they envisage the presentation taking.

Ask questions relating to your task separately and afterwards and don't waste other team members time. They don't need to be present for that.

I agree that it sounds like you cover things that are irrelevant and perhaps go off track and the manager is "moving things on". Yes perhaps their delivery is a bit strong but as there seems to be a pattern perhaps ask for a private chat and say you are mindful that this has been happening and are they able in future to give a more specific brief for your work so that you don't go off on a tangent and cover unimportant or irrelevant matters.

Your manager has no control over their manager's email but again use it as useful feedback that deadlines need to be addressed when assigning tasks/work. Again perhaps the lack of deadlines leads to people covering additional unrequited irrelevant stuff rather than concentrating on what matters within a set timescale.

I would say you can learn an awful lot working for someone like this. But the learning isn't fun. My number one tip is - put pauses in. For example, during a presentation you don't have to react straight away to a brusque comment like that. You can take a 3 second pause to think about how you're going to react. You can leave an uncomfortable silence for 3 seconds and it's not actually going to cause a problem is it. You can then decide if you're going to ask 'are you sure you don't want to hear about x because y' or just go to the end like he said.

with written feedback it often does sting, but - put in a pause. Get up from your desk. Go to the loo. It's not a personal insult it's just a question. Maybe you just didn't think about putting deadlines in? That's ok, nobody is born knowing that an email with tasks in it has to have deadlines. Or maybe there's a reason you didn't. But give yourself time to think about it if your manager isn't.

1. Totally normal in my experience. Generally this happens when the more senior person reads to room and tries to redirect the conversation when it's not going so well. If you don't already do this, try to put 5 min with your manager ahead of the meeting to align in the most important slides and messages.
2. Interrupting the meeting for what? It depends if it's because you're out of time, they need to move to another agenda item,... It depends on the context
3. Is that to you only or in a group chat? I would only use those terms with my direct reports if I know them very well (some have been working with me for 5+ years), and would avoid being so direct in a group discussion. I think it would be fair to raise the matter with your manager if the language is offending you. There are other ways to word it.
4. Why are you sending tasks without deadlines?

First three - does he do this to everyone or just you? If just you it sounds like you need to work on being succinct and getting and staying to the point. There’s nothing worse in meetings and team calls than someone who witters on for ages and raises countless unimportant questions, and a managers role is to keep the meeting on track and on time. So take some time to consider if that’s you, and maybe talk to the manager about improving your communication style.

Final one. Absolutely fine, you made a mistake.

Overall, it sounds like you need to be more self aware and thick skinned. But it’s also possible he should be raising these points with you in private rather than in public. Very hard to say without being there.

Your manager certainly sounds quite direct, but you also need to learn to take feedback, and act on it. If you're being regularly that your questions and input aren't relevant to the task in hand, or are going on for too long, or that you need to give people deadlines, you do need to listen to that and act upon it.

Agree with this.
OP, I mean this constructively, but I think by focusing on the manager's manner here, you are focusing on the wrong thing. There is a clear pattern in the examples you have given. Your manager perceives you as focusing on unnecessary detail and is getting frustrated with that. So you need to think how you can respond to the substance of that feedback, rather than focusing on how the manager delivers the message. If your manager is telling you a question is pointless/irrelevant and you really don't understand why they are saying that, you need to ask a colleague (maybe your manager or maybe there's a more junior colleague you could ask) to explain why the point you raised isn't important.

There certainly seems to be a theme here. Are you a waffler OP?

I think he's rude, and he's not giving constructive feedback that you can learn from.

It might be reasonable to skip to the end slide if you're short on time, but I he's not saying that - and I get the impression he's not taking you aside after to say, "sorry I did that, but we needed to get to the main point before the end of the call."

Do you have guidance on what is and isn't important - or what he considers to be important? Because your presentations aren't likely to improve if you don't get that understanding.

Likewise, interrupting someone in a call isn't necessarily bad, but there are ways and ways of doing it, and again, I don't think he's explaining why he's done it at any point.

How much support are you getting at doing your job? Everyone screws up from time to time, but are they things you should know,or have you never been told? Is there process documentation that needs updating?

I think you need to give him some feedback- you don't mind having things pointed out if you need to improve, but you need to understand what and why. You could ask him to be less belittling in how he interrupts, comments on Teams, etc. Of course, he might be the sort of arsehole who thinks if you can't take the heat, you shoukd get out of the kitchen, and will still interrupt, and add some sarcastic comment like, "if that's okay with JS5?"

Not all managers are good - a manager who is rude to their staff and doesn't take feedback isn't going to create a good culture, and if that is how he is, ultimately, you will need to move, either internally or to a new employer. But I'd at least try to fix it first. People can always react in unexpected ways, and he might be one.

Good luck.