To think I don't know my DH at all

[Cakerose]

We've been together 15+ years, married with kids last 5, I thought we covered all the topics when it comes to values and principles - especially related to the way we raise our children but turns out he was full of it - to put it bluntly.
Essentially, with meeting new kids/parents through nursery/school - I now realise he is very much leaning toward being,well, racist 😔
You would think - how did I not notice this before....well the thing is he was always respectful to friends or colleagues regardless the ethnicity - but now when we discuss behaviour that our child picks up from the nursery from another child - he attributes/explains behaviours with 'well ofcourse this happened considering he is x'.
Then slowly such vocabulary moved into every day conversations about e.g. neighbours - he'd say derogatory things about particular nation based on behaviour of a single person that affects us.
I am just so blindsided and can't stop thinking about how this will shape our children.
How could I have been so blind...or could he had just pretended all this time, and why??
Or can people change their views about something so basic so dramatically?
Recently he started making mean comments about LGBTQ community too - I mean we have friends that he loves or I thought so...
I am also thinking his mum's recent visit may have encouraged him to speak up - clearly these are the values he was brought up with.
I am also ashamed... I am looking at my DS atm sleeping - he is such a warm friendly loving and a smart boy and he is being exposed to comments like this. He loves all his little friends. He was talking proudly about friends he'd like to invite to his bday and his grandma actually asked him what colour is a certain child...she also described a 4 yo girl in the playground as fat.
I am sorry if this is a jumble of topics here - a husband showing true colours years later, a toxic mil, a clash in values, challenge with co-parenting, protecting a child from instilling wrong values...
So is it that I was blind all this time (YANBU) and I just never got to know him - or people actually can just change their core values so drastically (YABU).

I believe racism is pretty ingrained in some E European countries. As someone else said, it may have been the way he was brought up (not just his Mum, but society in general). It was probably always there under the surface. Perhaps now he's getting a little older, it's rising to the surface.

So, this prejudice etc. has only come to light now, after many years together, hmm. I find that strange. It almost sounds like he is saying things he knows you find deeply offensive deliberately, trying to annoy you. Is that possible?

During the 90s I held extreme right wing views these came from reading extreme right wing material along the lines of NF,BNP,C18 newspapers leaflets etc
My views were so abhorrent I can't cite examples as they would come under hate crime.
Now I was taken in but the penny dropped my problems etc weren't the fault of anyone but myself
Racisim is absurd and leads nowhere.

Agree with this, and PPs who've said similar. He's become a married parent in the last five years. Practically all of us adopt attitudes & behaviours that were modelled to us as children (as far as we understood them) during this phase. It's unconscious, really - it was all we knew then, we accepted it as the way things are and would be for us when we grew up.

Most of us adapt the model somewhat, but even the smaller adjustments require an awareness of imprinted patterns and a sense of adult detachment from our childhood environment. It's not unusual to bypass this process, slotting seamlessly into the grooves worn by your parents and theirs before them.

If you can't get him interested enough in this idea to recognise how much he's 'changed' and to freely choose a new path, I'm afraid you're stuffed. I tend to agree that 50% bigoted and 50% thoughtful would be better for kids than 100% conflicted. But do try the conversations anyway, even though he'll resist!

The rise of Reform as a political party that gets so (too) much media coverage has given licence to people who may have thought this way in the past but kept it hidden, to feel these are mainstream views and it is okay to articulate them. For me, a lot of the rhetoric unleashed by Brexit made me think I didn't know my country any more.

Some of the rhetoric used by Reform is no different to what the BNP used in the 90s when Nick Griffin was trying to show the acceptable face of the BNP to the public.

@JoannCourcyIveGotThePowerNSoul ”During the 90s I held extreme right wing views these came from reading extreme right wing material along the lines of NF,BNP,C18 newspapers leaflets etc”

yeah, and it’s come back round now and it’s all online and it’s really awful. It feels worse. Maybe that’s because the Internet is everywhere I don’t know.

Before the message was spread through newspaper sales,leaflets,po box no's
Now online and professional looking production it reaches a way bigger audience.
One thing that hasn't changed is..

The message is always the same.