DH and I are not intimate as often as DH would like. It’s clearly an issue for him as he always finds ways to twist conversations around to make the point of how I “always have excuses” to not be intimate.
For the past 12 years I still have to ask for the bare basics from DH - his time, his company, his attention towards me. I still feel like I’m bottom of his priority list. His business and work are priority.
AIBU to think that intimacy is a result/product of the bare essentials of a relationship being met? And if I’m consistently not afforded the basics, then naturally, intimacy with him is not going to feel like a priority to me?
no matter how many times I try to explain this to him and basically ask for the bare basics and for him to understand, he still just criticises me and implies that I am the problem because I won’t give him the intimacy he desires.
For additional context, we have 3 children, I work 34-50 hours a week in a highly pressurised, exhausting professional job - working 12.5 hour shifts. I do all of the running around for the kids - after school activities, appointments, carry the whole families mental load and do all of the planning and preparation for the family, working extra to pay for family holidays, Christmas, birthdays etc. He works 25-50% less hours than me, earns 3x as much as me, does do some tidying, laundry and cooking but isn’t around for any of the running around after the kids etc. and yet im still expected to do more - financially, intimately and in our relationship.
AIBU? I feel like I can’t take much more. I feel completely undervalued, under respected and feel like I’m just wanted as a sex object? He tells me he loves having sex with me because “it’s me”, but why won’t he understand that if he afforded me the basics of the relationship then I’d feel more motivated to be intimate? Is this a “me” problem?