to find the black and white ness of so many things on here wearing?

[themildmannneredjanitor]

i know it's an internet forum and we never have the full story/the other side of the picture so it's easy to make a snap decision.

But i fnd it really wearing that people very often can't see the shades of grey.

someone is right or they are wrong. that's it.

is it just the nature of the beast or do we put our judgey heads on when we turn on the computer?

yabu. sure as black black jeans

I think it's the nature of the beast, tbh. It's much easier when you're speaking through a computer and not directly to the person concerned to just say what you think.

In RL we tend to be a bit more considerate of other people's feelings, and a bit less confident about just 'saying it like it is'.

But for that very reason I think what is said on here (and any other internet forum) is probably a lot more honest.

YANBU, it can be very wearing at times.

Sometimes the reasons are grey, but the outcome is still black/white.

It depends on the subject methinks - some areas are grey. Some are actually just wrong - morally or safety-wise etc.

is it more honest though? do we really truly honestly think that the solutions to so many maritasl problems is to 'leave him!' for example?

although we obviously all have different perceptions of what constitutes "wrong"...

although we obviously all have different perceptions of what constitutes "wrong"...

I agree you often get extreme views - but I think that's just because, as is sort of humanly natural & logical, the people with the strongest/extremest views shout - or assert maybe is a better word - the loudest and the longest. So appear to be the most dominant.

I've always found lots of nice nuanced thoughtful thinking - you just have to sift through a bit to find it. And once you've identified a thoughtful person, well, it tends to be that that poster always has something good to say - so it gets easier & easier to home in on what's worth listening to.

But in some people's view "leave him" might be their honest opinion as to the best/most appropriate course of action.

Best thing about a forum like this is that an OP will get lots of different views, and it is this, IMO, which is the most valuable thing, as it helps people make what could be a life-shattering decision.

Oh, and speaking as someone from the market research world, it is a commonly held belief that internet surveys produce a much better quality of response than face-to-face interviews.

I agree.

If it was as simple as leaving then the person in question would already have gone, surely.

You only get limited information on here - hence the simplicity of the answer.

Plus we all weave an OP into our personal experience and interpret accordingly. If you're in a happy marriage and someone posts about a rough patch in theirs, it's easy to say Harumph I would never put up with that.

Having said that, there's a thread I'm avoiding because I know exactly how it's going to go.....

I find that when I get embroiled in a black and white arguement, you feel a bit like you have to keep it going/defend it even though you can see all the grey areas because when you start to deviate, people go "ha, in your post a 02:33am you said the opposite to that".

I don't think you are allowed to change your mind / develop your argument on MN - people want consistency and it is a fact that we are not always consistent. It's a shame but the nature of the beast, and doesn't happen in RL.